'The Real Housewives of New York City' Recap: Open Mic Night
'The Real Housewives of New York City' Recap: Open Mic Night
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Last week on The Real Housewives of New York City, Kristen proved to be the LVP (least valuable player) of the Montana trip. But Heather accepted her insincere apology nonetheless. At least now the ladies are back in their element in the Big Apple.

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She's Still a Boss

Heather and her husband Jonathan meet Kristen and Josh for dinner. Kristen is still not over what happened on the Montana trip, especially her fight with Heather. Heather tries to lighten the mood by bringing up the word "bossy" as soon as she sits down. They all have an awkward laugh about it, and Jonathan admits that sometimes his wife can be bossy. 

Then Josh takes the opportunity to take a giant crap all over Kristen. Not only does he take Heather's side (which may or may not be right -- she's still not the person you're married to), but he says Kristen could never understand what it's like to be a boss because she's never "had a business, or been someone's boss, or raised money." Do I even have to say how insulting this is? How is she putting up with this?

But wait, it gets worse! Then Kristen tells this horrifying story about how they were living in New York where she was enjoying a successful career as a model and Josh came home one day to tell her that he quit his job at the marketing firm and started E-Boost, his start-up. So he moved their family to LA, where they had a baby and a home, only to show up one day and tell her he rented out their home and they needed to be gone in another 10 days. I just can't get over how terrible Josh is. Kristen has a lot of good qualities and I hope when she watches the show, she realizes it and ditches his ass.

On Ramona's side of town, where things aren't going so well in her marriage either -- she's just better at hiding it from the cameras -- Mario practices a ballad written for him to sing at an open mic night the ladies are going to the next evening. Ramona pours herself a glass of Ramona Pinot and gets teary-eyed listening to him sing. Unfortunately, Avery is not impressed.

Not So Sick

Sonja has Aviva over to her garden to break the news to her about the Montana trip. Apparently, Sonja is under the impression that not only were the ladies mean and gossipy on the trip, but they're out to get Aviva. She tells them that the other women were talking about Aviva the whole time (false) and they all said she made up her diseases because she's uncomfortable going anywhere without her husband. Aviva is probably a combination of hurt and flattered that everyone's been talking so much about her. She claims that her lung capacity was below 50% and traveling to Montana was out of the question. She shows off her inhaler and her prescriptions to Sonja. She asks what next? Are the ladies going to accuse her of having a real leg?

Carole's renovating her apartment and she's hired an assistant to help with her book. She's about to go on a book tour in London, so she needs Kate to help her send out advance "Big Mouth" copies. She sends them to her mentors Barbara Walters and Diane Sawyer. She also sends a copy to Kelly Ripa because she has a big mouth.

Ramona, Sonja and Kristen go to visit a plastic surgeon. Ramona says after getting a rocky start with Kristen, she's now come to enjoy her company so she's taking her under her wing. Unfortunately for Kristen, this means telling her that she could use a little Botox, while she herself has an external ultrasound to melt a layer of fat.

Love Is...

Kristen is putting in effort to please her husband by cooking dinner for him. But he's already half an hour late and she hasn't heard from him. She tries to call him and ask why he couldn't text her to let her know and he seriously blows up at her. He shouts that he can't just call or text her when he's on a conference call.

When he gets home, Kristen asks him why he can't respect her and her time like he does toward his business. He's so condescending, his big head almost hits the ceiling when he tells her that unless she ever is running a conference call with six other employees, she has no right to ask him what she's asking him. He even mocks her when she asks him to be more considerate. UGH. What a pig.

The one good thing that comes of this disgusting scene is that Josh agrees to go to counseling. He says that a mediator would tell her that she doesn't see things from his point of view and would probably tell her to ease up on him. Kristen is very grateful he agrees to therapy. But her attitude of "You're going to be sorry" probably isn't the best one to have going in.

Meanwhile, Harry takes Sonja on a romantic picnic in Central Park. The two are enjoying rekindling their affair after a 25-year break. The two are very sweet, even though Harry is a little greasy and was once married to Aviva (gross). They toast to their love. Aww. It's nice to know love is alive in New York City.

But LuAnn and Jacques aren't so lucky in love. LuAnn has been noticing growing tension between the two and doesn't really know how long they're going to last.

Birdland

The ladies get dressed up with their husbands to go to Birdland, an iconic New York night club for open mic night. Ramona is excited about hearing her husband sing. She says Heather and LuAnn are going to sing too, but LuAnn tells her that she's not going to perform after all. Ramona immediately starts badgering her, saying she doesn't want to sing because there's no auto-tune. LuAnn says that she didn't have enough time to learn the song, and if she wants to sing, she'll sing, but she's not going to be ordered around by Ramona like the wait staff. But Ramona keeps picking at her, and LuAnn finally snaps at her and calls her a cow and tells her to shut her face. It's about time someone tells Ramona to shut up. LuAnn says Ramona thinks her rudeness is amusing, but it's hurtful.

Mario takes the stage and sings his love ballad, "Effortless," to his wife, about how easy it is loving you. Which is awkward knowing what we know: that he's a cheater. But he's not a terrible singer. So that.

The emcee calls Heather to the stage, and even though she's nervous, she's no shrinking violet. Her father was a musician and she used to sing with him, so she wants to sing as a tribute to him. She's an enthusiastic performer and everyone's impressed with her singing skills. Kristen wonders if there's anything Heather can't do.

Next week, it looks like more trouble in paradise for LuAnn and Jacques. Now if only Kristen would take a hint from LuAnn and ditch her man... 
 

The Real Housewives of New York City airs Tuesdays at 9pm on Bravo.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)



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