Bethenny is, in essence, "cramming" for motherhood. Her first move is to go to a CPR class with the "Stepford Wives of the Upper East Side," which she should probably be used to from the Real Housewives of New York City
. The class is taught by a woman with no sense of humor at all. It's good to know what to do if the baby is choking, but also terrifying to learn everything that could go wrong. Then to try to learn it so well that it comes up instinctually in the moment? Sheesh.
Next, Bethenny learns how to put a fake baby in a car seat. As though anybody even drives in New York, but maybe Bethenny has a car or a limo service or something. Bethenny's friend, Lauren, visits with her baby boy, who, like all infants, looks like Don Knotts. Cookie barks every time the baby cries, and it might be time for Cookie's therapist to visit again. Or an exorcist, after a particularly terrifying shot of reflected glare in Cookie's eyes.
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So, this was probably meant to be a show about Bethenny's preparation for a baby, but unexpected things happen and you can't time production around a birth. So, unexpectedly, Bethenny's water breaks. I'm glad that Bethenny is able to give us a reality check (those of us who haven't had a baby) about what it's really like to go into labor. Unlike 16 and Pregnant
, or even a special episode of Full House
, it was gradual and confusing and kind of scary.
Preparation Strains and Labor Pains
Five weeks early, without a bag packed, a nursery, a birth plan, or even mental preparation, this baby's gonna get BORN. Watching Jason and Bethenny try to make sense of everything going on was exciting and endearing. "I'm not ready!" "What do I wear? Do I need a bra?" "Cancel my dinner tonight! And the Lamaze classes."
Like most times on Bethenny Getting Married?, Bethenny manages to be surprisingly, and admirably, lighthearted about everything. Unlike most parents-to-be, Bethenny and Jason need to worry about Perez Hilton breaking the news of their incoming baby. Fortunately, Julie (Bethenny's assistant) will take care of all the non-baby-having arrangements. "Max, you have to go pick up the bassinet," "What's a bassinet?" Oh buh-ruther.
Even from the hospital bed, between ice chips, Bethenny is delegating. Meanwhile, Max buys special "I-just-had-a-baby underwear." He should learn to use a cell phone, and never go underwear shopping for a woman again. He doesn't even trust himself to put together a simple piece of furniture. He must be good at normal assistant things. Cookie was looking at him like, "Even I could do a better job, and I don't even have opposable thumbs."
Bethenny's Baby Busts Out
Bethenny says, "I wanna know how high school girls give birth in the bathroom stall." I do, too. It doesn't look easy. Watching Bethenny and Jason's home video footage was terrifying and enlightening, and thus, "terrifytening" was born. Bethenny opts for the epidural and the labor takes a turn for the better.
The doctors decide to move forward with a C-Section and Bryn Hoppy was delivered. Congratulations, Bethenny and Jason!
Do you think you would be able to keep it together as well as Bethenny did during the labor process?
(image courtesy of Bravo)