'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Out of Touch
'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Out of Touch
Juicy Joe is doing some construction in the Giudice yard, building a garage. Teresa says that, contrary to what InTouch Magazine claims on its covers, she is not terrified of being poor. Just because you declare bankruptcy doesn't mean you have to crawl into a hole and die! Joe Gorga is also doing some construction, and his architect was hired by the Giudices for the carport, too. It's going to look just like Joe and Melissa's.

Caroline and Lauren are out to eat, and Lauren orders just a fruit cup side. She's going off the cleanse, and just starting to eat healthy. Apparently this fruit cup is taking her way off the diet and is a sign that she's not ready to lose the weight. In an interview, Albert says that when all else fails, he'll get her a lapband. It's rough.

Jacqueline Skypes with Ashlee's father, Matt, to ask how Ashlee is doing in Texas. Apparently Ashlee is up to the same old tricks: she's messy, she's lazy, and she is up/out all night. Jacqueline grabs a bottle of Bailey's to add to her coffee. Matt tells her he kicked Ashlee out because he was tired of her sh*t. No one will have her! Let her figure herself out in California, solo, they agree.

We're catching up with everyone in this episode. Chris and Albie are spending a rainy day inside their apartment with Greg and Lauren. They order pizza, and Lauren gets a salad with tons of meat on it. Eating a salad while everyone else eats delicious pizza is the worst.

Now, InTouch Magazine is saying that Teresa might be going to jail for withholding Skinny Italian assets from the bankruptcy trustees. Oops! Teresa and Joe are meeting with their lawyer, who must be a busy guy. He basically comes into the office asking, "what is it this time?" He's working on concluding Joe's charges, and Teresa asks what she can do to get out of her bankruptcy. She tells her lawyer that going through this made them stronger, and didn't break them. It has shown her who her true friends are, and she thinks Jacqueline is one of them.

Kathy stops by Melissa's house to chat while their husbands are at a Yankee's game. Kathy brought the new magazine, which perplexes them. Kathy never knows how to approach Teresa, for fear of how she'll respond. Teresa's beyond asking for help, or appreciating an extended helping hand. Melissa isn't concerned about the articles, because she doesn't believe them. You gotta make that money, honey!

Teresa stops by Jacqueline's, per Jacqueline's request. She asks Teresa, while trying not to cry, wtf is up. She feels that she's always been a friend to Teresa, and that Teresa should go to her if something is wrong. Now Jacqueline is reading the magazines and has no idea what is going on with Teresa, nor how to separate fact from fiction. "If you want, I can give you my attorney's phone number and you can speak to him," Teresa says.

Teresa says she's not going "away" and isn't worried about any of the article stuff. Jacqueline says, "so you're not suffering in silence? So you didn't do any of this?" Teresa says she didn't. Jacqueline mentions that she knows Teresa gets paid for the articles, and Teresa denies that. She says, in an interview, that it's none of Jacqueline's business. What a terrible friend! Chris listens from around the corner.

RHONJ_sneakychris.jpgThe sun is setting, and Teresa is still cranky that Jacqueline is asking about the articles. She's just trying to be a friend, but Teresa thinks Jacqueline is acting like "Hekyll and Jyde." Jacqueline noticed that Teresa was tweeting with Danielle, who I'm sure is dearly missed. Teresa says Danielle tweeted her, and frankly, who cares. And now it's a "whose side are you on? Mine or Melissa's?" thing.

It's dark now, and they're yelling about Melissa and hypocrisy and friendship and family. I don't really know all the details, nor can I follow this argument. They're yelling, and then Caroline comes out of the shadows with, "why are you screaming?"

I loved Teresa's face when she heard Caroline's voice. Caroline sits down with a drink, and Teresa says she feels "ambushed." They explain the argument to Caroline as best as possible: Jacqueline doesn't know what's true and what's not, and she doesn't know why Teresa isn't mentioning what came out in the magazine today. Caroline confronts Teresa and starts yelling through her teeth at her. Jacqueline puts the magazine over her face in retreat. She stands up and asks everyone to stfu. She tries to demonstrate what Teresa should have said, but she's not having it.

Teresa and Caroline start arguing about the cookbook, and Caroline calls Teresa "the master of holding grudges," because of how she has responded to their friendship with Melissa. Teresa demands to know why Caroline can't see that Melissa is full of sh*t when everyone else does, and Caroline starts shouting. There's lots of finger pointing, and Caroline resolves to be nothing more than cordial to Teresa. Jacqueline says that for her own health, she's going to distance herself from Teresa and her family. Good for you, Jacqueline.

Teresa leaves, refusing to accept input or influence from anyone. THEY must be at fault! Bye, everyone! Next time, the drama continues as Teresa loses her friends and close relationships one by one.

(images courtesy of Bravo)