'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Reunion Part 1 Recap: A Whirlwind of Stupid
'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Reunion Part 1 Recap: A Whirlwind of Stupid
Usually by the time the reunion shows roll around, I am exhausted by whatever set of Housewives we've been watching. To sit with them for another three hours and recap the drama we just watched seems torturous; but not this time. For whatever reason, I can't wait to see how this Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion show unfolds. Is it because Jacqueline didn't even show up? Is it because it's only an hour long this time? Is it because the finale just set the stage for an interesting reunion in which everyone finally turns against Teresa? I don't know, but bring it on!

So, they all look great, and each of them is wearing their own version of a jewel tone cocktail dress and sparkly, dangly earrings. But Jacqueline is missing. They're shooting Season 4 right now (and were shooting it before the reunion, which has never been done before!) and something happened that we'll have to wait until NEXT season to see! Something so bad that Jacqueline couldn't even be near Teresa! She's "so betrayed, so hurt," according to Caroline.

"She started something, she should have finished it," Teresa says defensively. Teresa is clearly beyond repair at this point. It's a good time to get rid of her as a friend. Speaking of Teresa as a friend, let's talk about that cookbook! Teresa says her book is "all about fun, love, and family." And it doesn't matter because she didn't use everyone's name and it was a joke! A really mean joke aimed at someone's children.

"IT WAS A JOKE, HA HA, FUNNY?" Teresa says to little effect. I'm willing to believe that it was not Teresa's intention to hurt anyone or be a bitch, but humor is not her strong suit. Wow, Teresa and Caroline are NOT friends anymore. Caroline claims that Teresa told her never to compliment Melissa, and gave her a negative impression of Kathy and Melissa.

Then Andy brought up the push, and what that drama was all about (it turns out it was about Melissa giving birth to Gino, and something Danielle learned on Facebook?). So maybe GINO is the one to blame for all of this!

OK, whose forehead are we making fun of? Teresa told Melissa that people would make fun of her forehead for being so normal-sized? Only three-heads allowed in these parts. Teresa might be a little misunderstood here. Now that we've addressed the cookbook, it's time to bring up the christening.

After watching it back, it was absolutely silent. Sometimes I forget that this is actually their lives getting ruined here. Teresa relies a lot on Facebook for PR and event promotion, doesn't she? She always uses "it was all over Facebook" as an excuse.

After some more lighthearted clips (the New Jersey Housewives talk funny! Melissa thanks Jesus for everything!), Teresa told Kathy that her cookbook must have inspired her to start baking professionally (what!) and Melissa teared up about her late father.

So Teresa called Melissa a golddigger (technically Joe Giudice did) and Teresa started getting defensive. Then she said this:

"Bring it on bitches, bring it on ... You're the devil, you're wearing red. It matches you. You like that, bitch? Do you like that? We're in a good place, why are you going back there?"

And now we'll talk about the bankruptcy and the lawsuits and the thing Teresa said by accident about Jewish people. Andy seemed to enjoy picking on Teresa for all the presents she got her kids for Christmas, and also the whole bankruptcy/lawsuit situation. Maybe because Teresa didn't really seem to understand.

Finally, Caroline just laid it all out there: "I feel like I'm getting dumber as the minutes go on. I am in a whirlwind of stupid." It's true that Teresa's stories don't always add up, but what does when you only have half the story?

I feel like everyone wants to make things right and OK, but they don't always have the words for it ("Calm and cool like a whistle").  This whole reunion is all about Teresa anyway.

Next week, there will be even more yelling, crying, and pointing!

(images courtesy of Bravo)