I believe the children are our future, but if the children of The Real Housewives of New Jersey are any indicator of where we're headed, I'm worried. Here are my predictions for where the Real Housekids of New Jersey will be ten years from now, provided the world does not end in 2012 as Nicolas Cage predicted.
Christine (Danielle's daughter): At 26, Christine will have retired from her modeling career and, after one or two failed marriages to photographers, will marry a rich old guy who gives her a diamond that can be seen by satellite.
Jillian (Danielle's daughter)
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: Tired of living in her sister's shadow, failing at American Idol
auditions every year, and taking care of the dogs after Danielle was committed to a mental institution, Jillian will retire to the country (just outside of New Jersey) and write teen fiction, which will also fail.
Ashley (Jacqueline's daughter): Still feuding with Danielle, Ashley gets pregnant and spearheads the spin-off series The Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Next Generation.
Gia and Gabriella (Teresa's daughters): Joe will give them a business loan to open up their Kidz Action Starz Talent Agency (by kids for kids!), which will then file for bankruptcy. Then everybody goes shopping like it never happened, and the other one (Milania) is invited along.
Audriana (Teresa's daughter): Alarmingly, Audriana never aged, proving that Teresa's pregnancy was of the hysterical nature and they invested in a reborn doll to cover it up. If you don't know what a reborn is, google it and get disturbed.
Albie (Caroline's son): Police Academy didn't work out for Albie, and neither did law school, or getting his real estate license. Crestfallen, Albie moves to LA and gets a job as a production assistant on the show Dating in the Dark.
Chris (Caroline's son): Chris will still be working at the Brownstone.
Where do you think they'll end up?
(images courtesy of Bravo)