Real Housewives of New Jersey: Texts, Guys, and Videotape
Real Housewives of New Jersey: Texts, Guys, and Videotape
In case you forgot, last week ended with "To Be Continued . . ." but why would you forget? We were all counting down the hours until we could find out how Danielle and Dina's conversation ended (logically, I'm sure!). And we were all dying to see which Real Housewife of New Jersey would leave the show FOR GOOD. These are some broad assumptions I'm making, but I'm just doing it in the spirit of the Real Housewives.

Danielle tells Dina that she has "no choice but to keep reliving [her] past." We are all victims, Danielle. Victims of Dina's family. Danielle looks like Skeletor, and that might be one of the top five reasons to cut her out of your life. And because she MIGHT get Danny to rough you up. 

Jacqueline and Teresa took their families to the farm, and every trip they take (and every Sweet & Sassy limo they rent) is infinitely more interesting to me after hearing about Teresa's family declaring bankruptcy. That Sweet & Sassy limo will do you IN. But it's nice to get the kids out to laugh at pigs' balls every once in a while.

Danielle proved her true evil nature in this episode when she read Dina's e-mail out loud to her friends in a snarky voice. It was the adult thing to do. But that's why we love Danielle--because she is wretched. Any part of this show without mention Danielle is a snooze (a trip to the PORK STORE?). So I'm glad everyone is still talking about Danielle! This isn't The Hills; people on this show really know how to talk about someone.

I liked seeing Danielle hang out with her uninteresting friends, but the last thing I want to hear about is her sex life (oh excuse me, "moments of intimacy," where Danielle was "not calm in the boudoir"). Gross gross gross. But thank god her friends are there to tell her to show more skin again! Let's get those nasty old bones out there! 

So there's confusion whether he made the sex tape (she thought he was just texting during sex, which is okay, apparently) or whether she sent him video of herself doing . . . yugh. I move to strike Danielle's sex life from this show! Lingerie shopping: nasty. Pole dancing lessons rehabilitation: sick. Danielle feeling "sexy" again: make it stop. Do you hear that? It's America's women banging their heads against the wall.

But on the other hand, I could care less about Jacqueline spying on the guys playing poker or Ashley feeling fat. I was sad to see my favorite Housewife (and the most rational one), Dina, leave the show, and without causing much of a stir. Danielle would have really made something of it.

So, will you miss Dina? Are you excited to hear MORE about Danielle's boobs next week?

Check back with us tomorrow for What I Learned from this episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey!

(image courtesy of Bravo)