The Real Awkward Moments in New Jersey
To prove that her baby is real, Teresa is throwing a "Big Fat Italian Christening" for Audriana. To prove that Christine is a real woman, Danielle is taking her to her first OBGYN appointment. Is it just me or is Danielle the LAST person you would ever want to come along with you for a doctor's appointment?
Christine was uncomfortable, the doctor was uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, birds flew into sliding glass doors and planes dropped out of the sky. Meanwhile, Chris plays pool with John "G," Kim G's son. Kim G heard that the camera crew was downstairs so she threw on her ugliest sweater and came downstairs to talk about things that Chris and John would never, ever talk about. Awkward silence at the pool table.
My Big Fat Baby Wedding
This christening is a big event. Teresa hired a photographer and a videographer, and everyone is over-dressed and overly beaded. The pizzeria business must be booming. For a nice, Kim-G-free change of pace, we got to see Dina again since she left the show. I missed Dina, but all sentiment quickly mutated into fear as I saw Audriana's creepy christening gown. I don't understand what's going on, I'm blinded by luxury!
The christening gets increasingly confusing for me. There's a Marie Antoinette impersonator caught in the middle of a sushi table, wedding-like centerpieces, a wedding cake, a weird baby parasol, Teresa is pleased to have Chris has her "bitch" for the night, and then there were glow necklaces. All I know is that a horse head is going to end up in someone's bed at the end of this. And it will be covered in beadwork.
"G" is for Gossip
Danielle greets Kim G. as a welcome friend. Then, Kim G. will act as a bleached-out sounding board for Danielle's mommy issues. She's decided that she wants to pursue a story line where she finds her birth mother. Then word got out to the eyebrow waxing lady. The only waxing lady in town, apparently, and she knows everybody's business. The eyebrows are the windows to the soul.
Caroline is staying clear of Kim G. and has proven, once again, to be the most reasonable housewife on the show. She senses that Kim G is "going to have her 'uh oh' moment." Kim G., who just "happened to be in the neighborhood" yet again, stops by Jacqueline's house and barges in with big drama. Kim G. is losing sleep over Danielle. Or something. Jacqueline calls her out on being two-faced, and Kim's candidacy for the next NJ Housewife is starting to look a little desperate. It's time to put a hit on her.
At least Danielle is blowing things completely out of proportion again, ladies are yelling at each other in public; normalcy is restored to New Jersey!
So what did you think of Audriana's christening? Do you care about Danielle finding her biological mother?
(image courtesy of Bravo)