In news that is too amazing to let slide, New Jersey Housewife Teresa Giudice is teaching a seminar. The seminar is titled, "How to Have it All," with no follow-up (ie; "... and lose it all, too," or "... Or At Least Lie About Having it All,"). The class will be taught at the Learning Annex in midtown Manhattan on Jan 10, 2011 and women can participate for just $44.95 each. That's a small price to pay for "it all."
The seminar advertises Teresa as, "a hero to modern women," and adds that, "Whether you want to get on a reality TV show, write a book, start and run a business, change careers, this inspiring evening with a woman who has 377,000 online followers will get you going in the right direction." [Radar Online
] REALLY? Does the seminar also include how to look completely dead in the eyes in photographs? Or proper table manners?
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If I lived in New York, I would do my best to be there because this seminar is a little gift from heaven. Does anyone take her seriously as a role model? She pushed Andy Cohen!
If the other Real Housewives were to follow suit, here are some ideas for seminars they could teach:
Caroline Manzo: How to Make Someone Crazy Without Lifting a Finger
In this three-week seminar, you can learn to use the fine art of manipulation to get your family to do your bidding, and hence leave your "target" on the verge of insanity.
"Little did I know, weave-pulling is just the beginning!" -Shandley R. from Albuquerque
The Art of Weaving Intricate Lies with Michaele Salahi
Want money? It's yours! Need attention for a serious illness? Have it! Don't have an invitation? No problem! Your past is your own creative endeavor as Michaele teaches you how to convince yourself that your fantasies are reality. Learn how to confuse even the toughest of critics and how to stand up for your husband in the line of fire.
"As the Queen of America, I found this seminar particularly useful for hiding my gold and discovering a treasure map on the back of the Declaration of Independence." -Massey M. from Cabot Cove
Kim Zolciak: How to Handle Fame
Do you dream of performing at events such as the White Party or on Watch What Happens Live!? Are you having trouble handling the enormity of your existing fan-base? Kim Zolciak is here to help with this two-hour course that will teach you how to get what you deserve.
"Now I realize that my fans have come to expect a certain sound from me, even before I release my first single!" -Arden S. from Halifax
Camille Grammer: Selective Hearing
(Watch for her three-week course on "How to Get in an Argument with Someone Who's Not There," also with Danielle Staub)
Camille will teach you certain inflamatory "buzz words" to listen for that can start an argument at the drop of a hat. Also, learn to twist nearly anything someone says into a "dig" at one of your own insecurities!
"Thanks to Camille, I only have the conversations I want to have and surround myself with people who constantly praise me. I may soon develop my own Jesus Complex!" -Fallyn G. from Neptune
Jill Zarin: How to Lose Friends and Alienate People ... ON ICE!
Jill Zarin's choreographed ice-dancing performance will give a whole new meaning to the word, "frigid." Learn how to push people away, as well as how to show up unexpectedly to parties and other events.
"With so much free time on my hands now that everyone I know hates me, I will nail that triple toe loop in no time!" -Dory N. from Pigboots
Phaedra Parks: Designing Your Pregnancy
Knowing and divulging your due date are a thing of the past with this seminar on the power of vagueness and how you can harness it for your pregnancy. Tips include lying about doctors, choosing your own due date, and why it's more important to lie than to feel shame. Also receive a step-by-step planning guide for your very own Southern-style baby shower, complete with ballet dancers, hats, and dancing with your gay husband.
"Finally, a pregnancy I can be vague about!" -Podley Q. from Bathroom
(images courtesy of Bravo)