'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Sex Bombs Away
'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Sex Bombs Away
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Last week on The Real Housewives of Miami, the two grooms-to-be Frederic and Romain were able to hug it out like men, Joanna told Lisa she didn't want her to be a bridesmaid if she was already going to be a bridesmaid for Adriana and Lea found some $75,000 handbags for Lisa to buy.

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Bury the Hatchet (In Her Back)

After Frederic and Romain were able to work out their differences last week, Romain convinces Joanna to meet with Adriana and Frederic for lunch to end their feud once and for all. Adriana and Frederic are an hour late, but after they finally grace them with their presence, they do decide it's time to move on. Adriana (kind of) apologizes to Joanna, and they both agree to be nicer to each other and try to get to know one another better.

Lisa's husband, Lenny, is recovering from liposuction. I think that's all I'm going to say about that. Ick.

And finally, it looks like Mama Elsa has recovered enough from her accident that she's coming home! Yay! Marysol and Alexia make sure to cleanse her home before she gets there to rid it of all negative energy. Not only that, but we finally get to meet the elusive Mr. Patton, who was married to Elsa for 50 years (!) before they divorced. Though they are separated, Marysol's dad has been very supportive of Elsa's recovery.

When Elsa gets back home, she isn't quite back to her old self. But Marysol gives her a glass of water with a crystal in it, that Elsa says looks like a piece of fish, to clear her mind. It's good to have Mama Elsa back on the show.

Teenage Wasted

Alexia is still worried about her oldest son, Peter, getting into trouble (as well she should be), so she sends him out to dinner with her mother, a former therapist. Peter opens up to her, saying that he's felt really down after Frankie's accident. He also feels angry that he just found out about his dad being a criminal and that that was the explanation for him not being around for his childhood.

He meets with his mom later at a baseball diamond where he spent a lot of his youth. Alexia is apologetic about not telling him about his father sooner, but she wanted to spare him the same pain that she went through.

Peter's not the only one who had a troubled past that is affecting his adulthood. Adriana's father cheated on her mother when she was a teenager, leading them to get divorced. She admits to Frederic and Pastor Laurie, who will be marrying them, that she's had trouble trusting men since then (although she's been married three times now).

Role-Play, Shmole-Play

Romain actually shows up for this visit with the sex therapist. After they both try to tell her what's wrong with their sex life and Joanna emasculates Romain yet again, she suggests they go to a bar and live out a little role-play fantasy.

So Joanna puts on a brunette wig and gives herself the identity of Natalia the Russian ballerina. Jacques the bespectacled pilot (aka Romain) buys her a drink and tells her all about his exotic sex life, which includes a lay in every city in the world. Natalia brings Jacques back to her hotel room, where she decides she wants to be a dominatrix and call Jacques "b**ch" a lot.

The night ends unsuccessfully with Romain asking Joanna if they can just go back to playing Wii. These are two of the sexiest looking people on the planet, yet somehow they manage to be about as sexy as slugs.

Meanwhile, Marysol is throwing Adriana a bachelorette party. And by bachelorette party, I mean she hangs a couple of panties on some balloons in Adriana's house and invites Lisa, Alexia and Lauren.

All of them are drinking and sitting there in their cocktail dresses (well, Alexia's in a stunning black sequined jumpsuit) and being bored because this is the lamest bachelorette party ever. Adriana decides to get her old wedding dress -- the one she was supposed to wear when she was going to marry Frederic before he called it off but then they got married anyway -- to bring outside and burn.

So the ladies pour their drinks out for their homies on the wedding dress and Adriana lights it on fire. She says she's burning indecision, fear and negativity. And she can't wait to move on to live her life as Mrs. Frederic Marq. Like she hasn't been doing that for the last four years anyway.

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)



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