'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Family Values
'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: Family Values
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Are we all recovered properly from our Black gala hangover and ready to progress with some Miami nonsense? Good. Let's go forth to the recap.


Mother-in-Law Knows Best


Lisa's in-laws are in town for a visit, so she takes Lenny's mom, Marina, on a shopping trip to a local Russian deli. Marina takes the opportunity to hound Lisa about not cooking enough homemade Russian meals, and force feeds her some more fried food than Lisa has probably eaten in a lifetime.

Later, Marina greets Romain and Frederic at the door of the Hochstein residence where Lenny is holding a summit of Joanna and Adriana's respective fiances. She is immediately smitten by Frederic's fashion and gentlemanly manner, but she is also impressed by Romain's build and accent. Aren't we all, Marina? Aren't we all?

While Lisa gives Mama Marina a facial upstairs, the men hash out their differences quite civilly when Romain tells Frederic that he is mad about what he said on "the tweeter." Frederic offers him a sincere apology, the two shake hands and all is fixed. Except for the fact that Adriana and Joanna still would probably stab each other in the jugular if either had the chance.

The next evening, Lisa and Lenny and the in-laws go for a nice dinner. Things start off nice enough, but then Marina accuses Lisa of never returning her phone calls. Lisa says that she doesn't make her a priority in her life because she doesn't think Marina actually likes her. Lenny accuses his mother of being rude to not only his wife but to their household staff. Lisa does say that she wants to work on her relationship with Marina for the rest of their visit. Yikes. #AwkwardFamilyDrama

Sons and Mothers

Adriana goes into her son Alex's room to have a chat with him, although he seems literally more interested in learning Chinese than talking to his mom. She keeps trying to drag her poor son into her petty feud with Lea just because he happens to be friends with her son R.J. "Do you guys talk about me?" "Did R.J. mention that I'm fighting with Lea?" No, Adriana, they are just being normal 13-year-old boys probably concerning themselves with just about anything else besides their moms' drama.

What's funny, though, is that Alex does flat-out call his mom out for her lies. When she asks him if he's ready for the wedding, he gives some smart-ass answer about how he wasn't included five years ago, so he's not worried about it now. Oh snap!

Alexia is really proud of the progress that her son Frankie is making after his accident. The frontal lobe of his brain was injured and so his communication is still a work in progress, although he is doing much better physically. The doctors are encouraged by his therapy sessions and say that Frankie's in there but he just struggles to find words sometimes.

Wedding Woes

Joanna has a conversation with her sister Marta, who now lives in Pennsylvania with her Andretti boyfriend. Joanna's disappointed that she isn't dropping everything to help her plan her wedding.

On the other side of town, Adriana is dress shopping with Marysol, Lisa and Alexia. Adriana is acting like a child, as usual, and tells Lisa that she can't be a bridesmaid for Joanna too.

Not only that, but she brings out a People magazine article from 1995 that says Lea was legally married four months before her actual wedding. Of course, Adriana thinks that this makes Lea a hypocrite for doing the exact same thing Adriana did. Sigh. Do I even have to go into all of the reasons why this is inaccurate?

Meanwhile, Lea visits Joanna's new home for the first time. She throws out the back-handed compliment "shabby chic" before calling the house a "money pit" in her confessional. How rude.

She then offers to be there for Joanna, since her sister can't, and go dress shopping with her in LA. Joanna is grateful and the two of them call Lisa (while she is dress shopping with the others) and invite her to come along too.

Being 13 is So Glamorous

Lea calls to invite Adriana to her birthday, and Alex and Frederic to her son R.J.'s birthday, and assures her that if she attends, she will be welcomed with open arms. Of course, Adriana has an attitude about it, but she makes sure to play the martyr and assures her that Alex will be there because they don't want what happened between them to affect the kids.

On the day of his birthday, Lea finds out that R.J. ordered a bunch of freaky stuff on the Internet for his party, like black top hats, ties, gauntlets and Styrofoam heads to punch with the aforementioned gauntlets. You know, the usual items for a 13-year-old's birthday party.

He continues to be that awkward and sweaty boy at his party where he runs around screaming at his guests to shut up while pointing a toy gun at them. This kid, wow.

Alexia shows up with Frankie, who is the example of the perfect gentleman and greets Lisa and Marina with a kiss on the hand. Frederic and Alex come too, the latter with his DJ equipment. Romain and Joanna show up, but without a birthday gift, and then they wish the wrong kid a happy birthday. Yep, all that sounds about right.

Frederic does offer Joanna a sincere apology. And Romain tries to convince Joanna to have a sit-down with Adriana to try and solve their differences. Joanna is still guarded, though, because she knows that Adriana might actually be the devil.

Speak of the devil (see what I did there?), Adriana does manage to make an appearance at the youngest Black's birthday party. And she makes sure to let everyone know what a good person she is for it, because she's not making the kids suffer. That Adriana -- if you didn't know it already, she's practically a saint.

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)



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