'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: The Mean Girls of South Beach
'The Real Housewives of Miami' Recap: The Mean Girls of South Beach
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
The last time we saw the ladies of The Real Housewives of Miami, Adriana and Lea were getting into an epic throwdown in which Adriana spewed lies and Lea calmly tried to see any kind of rationale in Adriana's craziness. Unfortunately, that's proven to be an impossible feat.

Ladies Be Loca

Adriana is literally standing out on the curb in the rain shivering like a drenched chihuahua when Lea insists on bringing her inside while she arranges to get her a ride. But once Adriana consents, their fight only re-ignites, despite Lea showing Adriana kindness and even getting emotional about how much she misses her friend.

Adriana says she's heard from people that Lea has been bad-mouthing her. She accuses her of holding a vendetta against her to torture her and ruin her life after she didn't stick up for Lea at the reunion when Ana attacked her. She also says that Lea replaced her with Joanna because she was younger, prettier and more famous.

Lea does not simply let this slide. She asks Adriana why she is so jealous of Joanna. Adriana responds by stomping her feet and screeching, "I'M NOT JEALOUS," like the petulant child she is and storms off. And that is how you make an exit on The Real Housewives of Miami.

Rap/Sex Therapy

Joanna and Romain go to a women's tennis match together where he proceeds to ogle the women tennis players because it's not like he's with a supermodel or anything. The tennis grunting reminds Joanna of the sex the two of them are not having. He says that she needs to spice things up more and she suggests they see a sex therapist. Yeah, these two should definitely be getting married.

Meanwhile, Alexia is dealing with her sons and different kinds of therapy. Her son Frankie is recording rap music with his brother Peter as a form of speech therapy after his car accident left him with brain damage. And Alexia thinks Peter might need to see a therapist because he's been acting out since his brother's accident.

Alexia goes into further detail about Peter and Frankie's father, who apparently at one point was convicted of drug trafficking and sentenced to 25 years in prison (in which he only served four). She's worried that Peter is taking after his father by getting tattoos. I would think this is a pretty ridiculous thing to worry about if I didn't already know that Peter was into trouble far worse than a little ink.

Baby, Baby, Baby

In a ridiculously staged scene with Lisa and her husband, Lenny, Lisa pretends to take her makeup off (without actually removing her false eyelashes because, you know, she's still actually on camera), and then "tries to go to sleep" but can't because she's worried about her fertility issues. This isn't Survivor; the cameras don't have to film them while they "sleep."

Anyway, Lenny has a scientific approach to their fertility problems (because he isn't just "The Boob God," but also an actual doctor), which puts Lisa off. He wants to use a surrogate to start a family, but Lisa is desperate to carry the baby herself.

Alexia and Lea meet for lunch where Lea fills her in on the details of her meeting with Adriana. Alexia smiles and nods, but in her confessional she is still purely Team Adriana. She confronts Lea about trash-talking her son Peter, and of course Lea denies it. Poor Lea keeps being accused of things by crazy people that she can't possibly defend herself from.

Meanwhile, Adriana and Marysol have drinks out on a gorgeous dock. Marysol tells Adriana about her mother's health and gives Adriana her mother's mantilla -- a lace shawl -- for her to wear at her wedding. Aww, even when Mama Elsa's not on the screen, she's still being the best character on the show.

Grim Reaper's Night Out

Lisa, Lea and Joanna are all dressed up for a night out on the town in Miami. The three are laughing and having a great time when in walks Adriana, Marysol and Alexia. Lea is not happy to see the three of them, especially Adriana, and the other group is equally stunned to see Joanna and Lea. Marysol even asks, "Who invited the Grim Reaper?" in reference to Lea. Real nice, Marysol.

Lea excuses herself, insisting that she's not upset that the three of them are there, but she is upset about their mean girl attitude. She's outside the club crying on the phone to her husband when Lisa and Joanna go out to comfort her.

Lisa insists that she only organized this get-together with the hope that they could all make amends. Joanna makes an insensitive joke in her confessional about how she wishes Lisa could just have a baby already so she would stop mothering all of them. Ouch.

When Lisa is reluctant to believe that Adriana had been lying to Lea this whole time, Joanna produces some receipts that prove that Adriana retrieved a marriage license in 2004 and then a month later had it notarized. Lisa is still not sure who to believe, but don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, she'll be confronting Adriana next week!

Make sure you don't miss next week's episode of The Real Housewives of Miami. Add it to your watch-list when you download our free BuddyTV Guide app for your mobile device.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)