Marriage and a Collision on 'The Real Housewives of Miami'
Marriage and a Collision on 'The Real Housewives of Miami'
Marysol's getting married! She and Philippe had a Freaky Friday, because she was calm on the day of the wedding and he was nervous like she was the day before. I know that's not truly what a Freaky Friday (the phenomenon) is, but you know what I mean. Marysol put roses in her hair like Phaedra at the baby shower!

William Levy, who has been made fun of on The Soup numerous times, stops by the offices at Venue. He looks better on this show than on his soap opera. It's Larsa's turn to host the dinner/cooking party so she hires a tough chef with tattoos to out-do everyone before her.

"Lemme getchu a meatbawl!" says the giant chef who looks like a Grand Theft Auto character.

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Marysol and Philippe ride up to the ceremony in the gondola, and Marysol gets nervous because she's afraid of heights and she hasn't "been married in a while." They must have read the fortune cookie again, or whatever made Lindsay Lohan and Jaime Lee Curtis switch back in the movie, because Philippe is relaxed again and Marysol is nervous.

The Justice of the Peace reads the vows Philippe and Marysol wrote for each other, but I can't focus because that salon gave Marysol some garage doors with that blue eyeshadow. They got married! Back to Miami.

William Levy had a photo shoot and Alexis continues to credit herself for his discovery. Shooting him shirtless was a good idea, and putting him in a tight t-shirt with a sewn on vest not so much. What else can we say about this shoot? William Levy is sexy.

Lea Black is giving a seminar (YAY!) for some young ladies in foster care who looked like they couldn't foster care less. Lea considers herself very motivational, and she donned her electric blue leopard print coat-smock for the occasion. Lea tried to teach the girls The Secret and they looked SKEPTICAL. Lea thinks it went very well. She leaves the girls with this inspiration: "The only person without problems is a dead person." Thanks, Lea!

Married people problems: Philippe brought his ugly wine refrigerator into the house of Marysol. "The wood matches the floor!" Philippe argues. Oh, well in that case. At least there's a bunch of wine in there.

Adriana, who I had almost forgotten about, gets a call from her ex-husband asking her to take him back. He tells Adriana he's going to make, "Like, 20 million dollars." Adriana's not having it.

That fashion show that Alexia and Cristy were supposed to be in is happening. Alexia gets into a car accident on the way there, and Alexia is OK, but the fashion show is DOWN A MODEL! Cristy had to make it work, but it looks like she didn't mind. In the end it was SO MUCH FUN.

Obligatory Housewife Pole Dancing Lessons Alert! Adriana wants to keep Fredric interested and I am embarrassed to be watching it. "It's just having fun and everybody seems to be doing it." Everybody in Miami, or everybody on TV? Does it matter?

It's time for Larsa's cooking party, with Chef Big Beefy (Steve Martorano). Larsa is determined to make her party "funner than the rest," and the other girls are astonished that they'll actually be cooking at this cooking lesson. Lea and Cristy show up late because WHO HAS THE TIME?

Lea would like to add Steve Martorano to her collection. Her human collection.

"Is this the best food that we've had so far?" Larsa asked, nodding her head. The girls don't give her a direct answer. They ask Alexia about her accident and congratulate Marysol on her marriage. Then Lea brings up her charity event, and Adriana brings up that Cristy didn't pay for her ticket. UGH. Who cares?

Next week, Elsa Patton is in town, and we'll see another dinner party ruined by a psychic. Also, we might see Adriana's crotch by accident. Yerrrgh.

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(Image courtesy of Bravo.)

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