Is this long winter getting you down? The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
has just what the doctor ordered: a vacation episode! And not just that, but a trip to Joyce's homeland of Puerto Rico. May all of our margarita cups runneth overflow.
The Wives Go to Paradise
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Joyce wants to ahead with the trip because she thinks it's what her father would have wanted. Also, because it is probably Bravo-mandated. When everyone arrives at the airport, she is honest with them about her father passing, but she doesn't want it to ruin their trip.
When Joyce arrives in San Juan, there are paparazzi waiting to take her picture because she is still famous from when she was Miss Puerto Rico.
Lisa is a bit shocked by the accommodations. You see, she's never shared a bathroom with her husband before. So she's basically roughing it.
Yolanda and Brandi have a conversation about how the dynamic has changed. Yolanda has noticed how the two of them have not been as close. Brandi can't stand the fact that Lisa tries to turn people against her, only acts concerned for her when other people are watching, and is constantly pushing Scheana (the girl who slept with Brandi's husband) in her face. Yolanda says she's planning on saying something to Lisa about how she's been acting fake. Confrontation on the Beach
The next day, the couples meet for breakfast and some pool time, where there is unfortunately no controversy about who will go swimming. And Yolanda's amazing butt steals the show.
Joyce is spending some time with her mother, so she arranges a beach trip for the rest of the group. They all get massive pina coladas out of coconuts and Kim takes in the good vibes of the beach and the water.
Yolanda grabs Lisa to have a chat. She tells Lisa that Brandi's mad that Lisa and Kyle are friends again and Brandi feels replaced. Lisa tells her the fact that she and Kyle have made up have nothing to do with Brandi. Yolanda tells Lisa how rude it was of her to now be getting along with Kyle and not keeping the rest of them informed.
Brandi joins the conversation and tells Lisa she's upset that she hasn't been getting her daily phone call from her, but now Lisa calls Kyle instead. Lisa, who is feeling cornered, keeps insisting that she has done nothing wrong. And Yolanda and Brandi are basically confirming that by piling up all the nothing issues one after the other.
She removes herself tearfully from the conversation, obviously feeling like she'd been attacked. "I'm not a mean girl," Brandi, the meanest girl in the bunch, says. Yolanda is irritated that their target got up and walked away, saying that sometimes you have to have the hard conversations with your girlfriends to clear the air, and Lisa wasn't brave enough to do that.
Then Brandi busts out the biggest kitchen spoon you have ever seen (who even knows where she was keeping that considering the minuscule nature of her bikini) and tells Kyle that Lisa wanted to pack the tabloids that accused Mauricio of having an affair to bring to their Palm Springs trip. Brandi, because she's such a good friend to Kyle, told Lisa not to do that, but Lisa did it anyway.
Of course, Kyle eats the story up like it's a Fatburger at one of her lame White Parties. She knew Lisa wasn't to be trusted. And apparently Kyle's never met Brandi Glanville and has no idea that she's pitting her against Lisa for her own agenda.
Kim relays Brandi's story to Mauricio, who doesn't even bat an eyelash before getting properly angry at Lisa and Ken, whom he thought were his friends. Kyle and Mauricio confront Lisa and Ken, and they laugh it off, because the whole story is just utterly ridiculous. But Mauricio seems too eager to believe the story, and also really touchy about the whole cheating subject. Guilty much?
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Later that night, the group takes a bus to dinner. Brandi thinks that's a good time to tell Lisa that she's disappointed in her relationship with Scheana. She accuses Lisa of making Brandi meet Scheana face to face to hurt her and to get business for her new show. She also says that Lisa is much better friends with Scheana than she claims to me. At that point, Ken chimes in, saying that she's just a kid who works for them.
Lisa remains calm and tells Brandi simply that she has it wrong. Then Brandi challenges Lisa to take a lie detector test because that's an adult thing to say. But Lisa says she would, and even if she doesn't believe her, her conscience is clear.
At the restaurant before dinner even starts, Lisa approaches Brandi to give her a hug and a kiss and tell her she loves her. It's a sweet and genuine gesture, but Brandi has ice in her veins and nothing in her head.
The tension is thick at dinner, and Kyle just wants to "clear the air" by giving Lisa "one last chance to tell the truth." Sounds like she already has her mind made up at this point.
Of course, she might as well have dropped a bomb. Brandi tells her version again, that Lisa told her to bring the magazines, and Yolanda claims to have seen said magazines in Palm Springs. Ken insists that Lisa has already told them her truth, and if they don't believe it, that's their problem.
Yolanda tells Ken to stay out of it, but he says that if she thinks he's just going to sit there and let them attack his wife, then she's stupid. Yolanda then gets offended and Kim starts going off at Ken, telling him that she's sick of his mouth and calling him stubborn, old and stupid.
That's when Lisa and Ken excuse themselves, Lisa still as calm as a cucumber, but Ken, not so much. He doesn't have as much experience with these crazy women as she does. But Ken tells Mauricio and Kyle on their way out that they know the truth because they know who they are. Mauricio still seems confused -- of course, that is his natural state.
Michael and Joyce, who missed the earlier confrontation on the beach, really don't know what to make of it. Michael says if any of it's true, then it is egregious, but he and Joyce don't seem like likely members of Team Brandi.
Back at their vacation villa, Ken and Lisa share a cigarette like Frank and Claire Underwood and debrief. Lisa, who very rarely shows emotion, sheds a few tears because she feels betrayed, especially by Brandi, who she has gone above and beyond to befriend and defend over the last few years. But only because she considered her a true friend. And that's what friends do.
Next Monday, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills moves to 9pm on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)