'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: Stop Acting Like a Witch
'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: Stop Acting Like a Witch
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
I know you've all been waiting with baited breath to find out if Carlton really put a spell on Joyce last week (and if she's available for hire for spell-casting on your enemies). Well, it's finally time to see what hex she put upon Joyce and her poor sick husband in this week's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Chi-Chi-Chi Darling

But before we get into anything too witchy, Lisa meets with Kyle and Kevin Lee at Villa Blanca. They're throwing a joint birthday party for Ken and Mauricio (although Mauricio's birthday was over a month ago) and they want Kevin to plan the elegant affair. Kyle wants to make sure they throw a classier party than Carlton's wicked pool party from last week. Lisa also makes a weird comment about who they're inviting from each of their "teams," so Lisa gets Carlton, and David and Kyle can have Joyce and Michael.

Brandi is doing a cover photo shoot for her next book. She has a really assertive book editor show up to the shoot who kills Brandi's party by actually bringing a bit of direction to the shoot. What a buzzkill to actually have someone there who knows what she's doing. Anyway, they settle on a shot where she wears a short pink dress and way too much dark eye makeup.

Carlton and Joyce meet for lunch. As respectfully as she can, Joyce asks Carlton straight up if she cast a spell on her husband. Carlton admits that she might have been inappropriate when she told Joyce to "watch out" when she got home that night, but she felt like Joyce was challenging her when she said it. But Carlton assures Joyce that once she had kids, she completely gave up her practice of the dark arts.

Because Joyce doesn't take any religion lightly, she has to ask Carlton if she and her children are safe for any future hexes. Carlton is offended that Joyce would even think that Carlton would hurt her children for any reason, and she tells her that would never happen. The two decide to have a mutual respect for each other's beliefs and start fresh with their friendship.

Moms and Daughters

Kim convinced poor, impressionable young Kimberly that it would be a good idea to get matching butterfly tattoos before Kimberly went away to college. Why a butterfly, you ask? Because Kim thinks she is going to come back as a butterfly after she dies.

Meanwhile, Yolanda is also getting ready for her daughter Gigi's departure for college. But they're not getting tattoos because Yolanda already made Gigi a weird art project for her to hang in her dorm. Yolanda is confident that she's given Gigi all of the tools she needs to be a successful adult.

Fancy Party

Kyle is feeling a little left out of the party planning at Lisa's. Sorry that your idea of a good party includes a food truck, Kyle, but this is a Vanderpump/Kevin Lee production so there will be nothing but diamonds and rosé to go around.

Brandi brings the boyfriend who she broke up with earlier in the season, J.R., to the party. And Lisa tries to tell Brandi to congratulate SUR server Scheana on her engagement. Why on earth would Lisa think that Brandi would want to do that? Scheana slept with Brandi's husband, so yeah, no, they're not friends.

Lisa and Kevin have arranged some water dancers for the party, who are neither synchronized swimmers or that mermaid who was at Mohamed's party in season 2. To make up for their lack of entertainment, Lisa makes Kevin and SUR bartender/beefcake Jax strip down to their skivvies and be the entertainment. So only a mild improvement.

The dinner table in the backyard is absolutely stunning, complete with red chandeliers hanging from a gray silk tent and rose centerpieces on the tables. Everyone is having a nice time. Pandora and Jason give Ken a giant portrait of Giggy. Ken makes an awkward birthday toast. And Kyle breaks down Brandi's relationship with her boyfriend.

And then things begin to unravel when Kyle tells Lisa to tell Carlton an inside joke they had, only she keeps referring to Carlton as "her," which immediately riles her up. So, of course, Carlton brings up the fact that she had a dream where Kyle was "talking sh**" about her, her house and her religion, all of which Kyle vehemently denies.

When Kyle denies doing anything wrong, Carlton just tells her that she simply doesn't like how passive aggressive Kyle is, and she doesn't care that it's her husband's birthday. Kyle tells her to quit looking for a problem where there isn't one. She thought that the two had settled things when Kyle gave Carlton her necklace, but Carlton says that she has that necklace soaking to purify it of Kyle's evil essence. Kyle then comes back with, "If you don't want to be judged for being Wiccan, stop acting like a witch."

Carlton also brings up how Kyle mistook her pentagram tattoo for a Star of David, which was rude and hurtful, and Kyle counters by saying that it was anti-semitic of her to be so offended when she suggested it might be a Jewish symbol. Being called a name and being "judged" by Carlton upsets her the most. Her husband says that she doesn't have a prejudice bone in her body. I'm not sure that's true, considering her severe anti-Kyle prejudice.

Carlton collects her husband and they go to leave. Everyone at the party, even Brandi, who is historically anything but Team Kyle, thinks that Carlton took things too far. Lisa tries to catch up with her before she leaves to assure her of Kyle's good intentions, but Carlton will hear nothing of it. 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Mondays at 8pm on Bravo.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)

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