'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: Throwing Punches and Taking Names
'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: Throwing Punches and Taking Names
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Last week on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Joyce and Brandi buried the hatchet and agreed to be nice to each other at social gatherings. Somehow I get the sneaking suspicion that this won't last very long.

RHOBH: Brandi Glanville Says She 'Wanted to Be Molested' as a Child >>>

Swing You Right Round

At the start of this week's episode, Carlton invites her stripper pole friends, Tara and A.C., over to help plan their pool party. Since Carlton loves beautiful women, she's auditioning hot ladies to slink around her party. And also swing off of poles. Pole work is essential. 

Brandi decides that the best way to get over losing Chica is to immediately replace him with another dog. So she and her kids picked out Buddy from a pet shelter before he was about to be put down. The only problem is he pees a lot, even though Lisa thinks that's cute.

Brandi is packing for her trip to see her family back in Sacramento. She's bringing Yolanda instead of Lisa because she thinks that Yolanda will relate easier to her family, who don't have a ton of money. Even though Lisa wishes she could go, too, she's not mad at Brandi because she realizes she's coping with things the best she can.

Yolanda and Brandi go back to Brandi's hometown where she used to volunteer with seniors and then steal their alcohol after they went to sleep. Yep, sounds about right. She also talks about how money was tight when she was growing up on "the other side of the tracks."

They get a suite with a piano in it at the Hyatt in Sacramento where apparently former governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger stayed. Brandi tries calling her dad and even wishes him a happy birthday before he quickly hands off the phone to her mother.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

Michael takes Joyce to a shooting range to learn how to shoot, and of course she's wearing an adorable knit sweater with a skull and crossbones. They had an experience where their house was nearly invaded by armed robbers. Since then, Joyce wants to be able to protect herself if anything like that happens again.

The gun instructor deals with her ditzy ass, and even tells her not to worry about her hair, which is near impossible for Joyce who is literally always touching her hair. She also tells her husband when they're leaving that she'll only use the gun on bad guys, not on Brandi, because the two have made up.

Yolanda and Brandi meet with Brandi's brother Michael, her mother Judy and her father Guy at a book signing. Brandi wishes her dad a happy birthday before the reading. Then she talks about her book and how great she thinks she is, and all I can do is roll my eyes because she just said on a public forum that she wished she'd been molested as a kid. But Yolanda tells Guy that he should be proud of his daughter anyway.

Kyle is cooking for Shabbat family dinner. She talks about how she converted to Judaism after Mauricio told her he was in love with her. Awww. And she's planning Sophia's bat mitzvah party that they'll have in their home. Sophia wants a big, extravagant party, but Kyle's not exactly willing to have a multimillion dollar party.

Back in Sacramento, Yolanda gives Brandi some David Foster swag. Brandi is pretty classless swearing and drinking around her nieces. She also brings up the fact that her father grew pot, a sore spot between them after Brandi wrote about his illicit activities in her book.

Brandi gives her dad a birthday card and he assures her that things will get better. Back at the hotel, he tells her that he's willing to move forward and that he loves her. He even tells her that he likes her dress. Which is good, because we all know how critical of Brandi's Oscar dress Mr. Glanville was. He thought it was slutty. Like the rest of us. 

Real Housewives Roundup: Porsha's Single, Kim's Job in Danger and Mama Joyce's Defense >>>

Kick, Punch

Joyce meets Lars the trainer at Fortune Gym to learn some more self-defense moves that she can use to protect herself in case the gun doesn't work if a home invasion happens. And she invites the rest of the girls to learn some new moves, too.

Yolanda admits that she had an experience with an armed invader as well, and she says if she caught the guy she would have turned him into mashed potatoes. And I believe her.

The first lesson is teaching the ladies how to choke someone out. Lars tells them to get him into a headlock, but stop when he taps them to stop. Poor Lars almost dies from Yolanda's serious grip. He also tells them to grab and twist a man's privates instead of a swift kick to the crotch.

Carlton is eager to get in the boxing ring; she says she may have been in a fight or two in her life, although she is avidly against violence. Okay. I can't decide who is more frightening, Carlton or Yolanda.

Kim and Kyle get out some of their sisterly aggression in the ring as well. Kim corners Kyle and then gets her in a headlock. Unsurprisingly, Kim takes Kyle easily.

Brandi lands a huge punch on Lars' face, who seems unharmed. Brandi, on the other hand, is not unscathed. She hurts her wrist while hitting poor Lars in the mug. She ices it in the limo on the way to get lunch. Lisa asks her if she's okay and if she wants to go to the hospital, and Brandi tells her to stop nagging her. Because she's not looking out for her friend or anything.

Kyle gives Brandi a card in the car that says, "I'm not a bitch, I just play one in your life." Ha. Kyle just wanted to reach out to Brandi to let her know after everything she's been going through that she's there for her.

At the restaurant, Kyle and Lisa bicker. Brandi continues to insist that her hand is fine, but Lisa keeps asking her about it and telling her to get it seen to. It's weird to see a Brandi/Kyle alliance forming while Lisa slowly falls out of both of their favors. 

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Mondays at 8pm on Bravo.

(Image courtesy of Bravo)



News from our partners