We start off this thrilling episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
with the sisters Richards going to get Brazilian waxes. Oh yes. Just what you wanted to think about on this lovely Monday evening: Kim and Kyle's pubic hair.
The trip to the salon is supposedly about Kimberly, who is having her graduation party, getting her nails done, but somehow it ends up with Kim and Kyle discussing what they call their vaginas. (Kyle calls hers a "tweeter" and Kim, inexplicably, calls her a "wiener.")
When Kyle complains to the salon worker that she hates getting her lady bits waxed because it's so painful, instead of giving her a bullet to bite, she gives her a "little buddy" to squeeze. Spoiler alert: the little buddy is a dildo.
We move from one uncomfortable situation to the next. Carlton arrives to a pole dancing class with Brandi having consumed too much tequila. She's very handsy with her friends in the class, but Brandi says she doesn't dare drink and pole dance because of her motion sickness. Okay. Luau Time
Kim is throwing her youngest daughter, Kimberly, a graduation luau at her home. She runs around getting things ready for the party but admits in her confessional that if she hadn't been sober for this event, she might have destroyed everything. It's nice to see her taking a moment to be honest about her struggles.
Brandi and Carlton, however, don't appreciate Kim's efforts to obtain sobriety as much. They're a mess as soon as they get there, ordering hamburgers from a food truck and then eating them on the stoop instead of going inside. And once they do go to the party, Brandi says she's nauseous from all the pole dancing, and Carlton tries to ferret out some alcohol at a dry party. Kyle really doesn't appreciate Carlton's behavior, pointing out that Kim has to be around alcohol at everyone else's events and it's only right that they respect her rules while they're in Kim's house.
And then Brandi voms in the bathroom, and she claims that it's because of her motion sickness, but we all know it's because that burger she just inhaled probably had more calories than she's eaten in the past month and she's most likely refunding. Anyway, that's Carlton and Brandi's cue to leave. Chances are they hit a few bars on the way home. Or a strip club. Or both.
Kim makes a speech at the party to congratulate Kimberly. She's very happy and proud but at the same time emotional and sad that she's the last of her children to leave. Kingsley was somewhere in his crate crying that he wasn't invited to the party. And also that there wasn't alcohol there. Gowns for Charity
Lisa is going through her closet (which is bigger than my apartment) with her housekeeper, Rocia, to find dresses that they can donate to a foster home so the teenage girls have something to wear to the prom. Rocia wants one of Miss Lisa's dresses, but Ken slaps her on the wrist and says no because she is not underprivileged. Like Lisa couldn't spare one dress for poor Rocia who probably works very hard for her snooty, privileged employers.
Lisa invites all of the ladies to bring their used clothing over for charity as well. She wants to have them over for breakfast because it's a "civilized hour."
But things get off to a rocky start when Kim arrives ready for a fight after Lisa and Ken ditched her party. Lisa says she and Ken were in Missouri volunteering with kids with Alopecia, but Kim says her hairdresser saw them at SUR. Lisa doesn't care to argue with Kim, saying that she sent a gift from Tiffany's to Kimberly after she RSVP'ed "no" two weeks before the party.
And then Ken has words with Kim after he says, "I'm sure there were events that Kim didn't turn up to," which Kim calls out as being rude and uncalled for. In her confessional, she tearfully admits that, yeah, she did miss a lot, but it was out of her control. I'm proud of Kim for sticking up for herself to Ken, who seemed to feel salty as he removed himself from the situation.
When Brandi gets there, she asks to have a moment alone with Joyce. Instead of apologizing, like an adult, she tells Joyce that, first off, she's not a racist. Second, she admits to being a b**ch in Palm Springs, but she's definitely not a bully. (She even says that if she were a bully, she would have knocked Joyce's teeth out by now.) And third, just because she got drunk on vacation doesn't mean she's an alcoholic.
Joyce, proving that she is obviously the more mature of the two, calmly tells her that she doesn't think she's a racist, but she made a racist comment. She also tells her that, despite labels, she has been despicable toward her and pleads with her to stop being mean to her for no reason.
Brandi refuses to apologize because she hasn't gotten one either and that's the way apologies work according to Brandi.
The two of them stew a bit more, and Carlton tries to make a case for Brandi by telling Joyce that she's just as mean for using labels like "bully." But finally, Lisa convinces Brandi to just put an end to it by apologizing so it's not always back-and-forth between them when they're forced into social situations together.
So Brandi gives Joyce the most insincere apology in the history of the Real Housewives
, down to her saying, "Ewwwwww, don't touch me," in her confessional when Joyce gave her an accepting and peaceful hug. Good lord, is Brandi insufferable.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
airs Mondays at 8pm on Bravo.(Image courtesy of Bravo)