'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: White Just Doesn't Turn Out Right
'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: White Just Doesn't Turn Out Right
Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Jennifer Lind-Westbrook
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
If it weren't for the fact that they were all on a television show, I'm relatively sure that none of these people would ever speak again. However, they are and that means drama, drama and more drama.

Kim gathers her friends and loved ones for an odd soiree. Tyler may or may not be dating. Kyle insists on throwing her "White Party", and the Maloofs and Brandi try to work out their differences.

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Kim throws a newly constructed nose unveiling/sobriety party. Leave it to the loopiest housewife to come up with a never-before-used theme. However, it is nice to see Kim more upbeat, or rather alert, this season. She greeted her guests with the bandage still on which made me feel queasy. I don't do well with televised plastic surgery.

As abhorrent as I find plastic surgery, a phone call that Kim and Kyle receive from Taylor was even more sickening. She informs the ladies that she has recently fallen in love with a long-time friend/acquaintance and is jetting off with him for a brief, romantic getaway. What seems to slip her mind is the location of her daughter, who happens to be with Kyle and her youngest at Kim's party. Granted, Taylor has her issues but neglecting and abandoning her child is inexcusable. When Kim is concerned about your sobriety, you know you're in trouble.

Kim and Kyle immediately spread the news to Adrienne, Marisa and Faye as well as a few other women. As disturbing as this latest development with Taylor is, it is refreshing to be talking about something other than the feud between the Maloof couple and Brandi. The speculation about who Taylor's mystery man even seems to overshadow her failings as a parent. Not one of the women have an inkling of the mystery lover's identity.

At long last, Kim's plastic surgeon arrives to remove the bandage. Kim takes a moment to thank everyone for coming. Basically, it boils down to the fact that , at least for now, Kim seems to have gotten her act together. She has settled into a home and appears happy and at peace. Kyle admits that her sister's alcoholism was a dirty family secret. Nobody ever talked about it (until the end of season one). Kyle feels Kim's openness is a good sign.

Finally, Kim and the doctor disappear into the house, and he removes the bandage. It's obvious that people are growing impatient as we see Adrienne check her watch. She finally emerges and despite the before and after picture, I see no difference whatsoever. Kyle is very supportive ooohhing and aaahhingg all over the place. Adrienne brings up for the umpteenth time that even though her husband would have done just as good a job, she understands why Kim had another doctor perform the surgery. Methinks the lady doth protest and all that jazz.

Although it is hard to believe that anything can top the exciting extreme nose makeover, a new day brings new drama. Adrienne, Paul and the kids are lounging by the pool on their palatial estate when they realize that Lisa's old  home has gone up in flames. Adrienne, who as a mother feared for her children's safety, still acted a bit irrationally by piling the kids in the car. Paul, trying to assuage her fears by explaining that 1) the road was clogged with firetrucks so getting out could be difficult and 2) there were a substantial amount of firefighters standing between the house on fire and their own. Adrienne practically runs her husband over on the way out. She is upset that he chose not to leave with his family. He does look like a bit of a d**k standing outside taking pictures after his family's departure.

The action continues as Kyle prepares for her annual "White Party." After her near-death experience, Adrienne is ready to kick back and relax. Adrienne is prepared to be civil to Brandi, Paul is a wild card. They discuss the ill edged "letter" that was already covered ad nauseum during the previous episode.

Kyles hopes that the Maloofs and Brandi would have the option to avoid each other due to the size of her party are dashed. Just the sight of Paul causes Brandi to feel apprehensive. She states that she can't stand "underlying tension." She pulls Lisa aside to discuss her anxiety. Instead of downing a few shots, she decides the time is right to pull Adrienne aside for a one on one conversation. Why didn't she do that at the tea party? Why hasn't she arranged a meeting at a neutral location? I do love Brandi, but her motives are suspect.

A "flustered" Brandi sends one of her minions out to request the pleasure of Adrienne's company. Paul refuses to let Adrienne go alone and accompanies his wife inside. Well, now it's two against one, and you know nothing is going to get resolved. No new ground is covered, and I can't help but think this whole fight would be much more interesting if we were privy to the events that occur off camera. It seems the origin of this fight took place when the women weren't shooting. So all we get is the she said/she said. Brandi again accuses the Maloof's beloved chef Bernie of selling stories about her. She pulls a stack of papers out of her handbag and hands them over to Paul. Now I have to wonder was this little sit down pre-arranged?

The Bernie question is not resolved, and the Maloof's tell Brandi that she's a "loose cannon," and she needs to watch what she says. Brandi swears she will not be gagged  especially if she is speaking the truth. At long last, it appears that both sides, bruised and battered, are ready to put their differences to rest. That is until Lisa and Ken decide to confront the couple about Adrienne's claim that Lisa sold stories to the tabloids. With friends like these, who needs enemies? Tyler tells the Maloofs that she wants them to admit that there is a similarity between what they did to Brandi and what her deceased husband Russell did when he threatened Camille. No such luck. Eventually, the mob breaks up, and I'm left wondering what the hell happened.

I did learn two important lessons from tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: you don't sue your friends and don't allow people who use spray tan to sit on your furniture.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills third season airs at 8 p.m. Mondays on Bravo.

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(Image courtesy of Bravo)

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