Dana's Game Night: Part Deux! Last time we left the ladies, they were all pointing at Brandi and Kim was saying at least she doesn't wear cutoff shorts that show her @$$. Brandi calls for a time-out, and defends herself by saying that she's a model AND a mom! Kyle mentions that her son peed on the grass at Adrienne's BBQ, and then the whole thing goes to a whole new circle of hell.
"Don't talk about my kids," Brandi says seriously. But Kyle continues to chastise Brandi's parenting. Brandi has been backed so far up against a wall, all she can do is be defensive, saying things like, "I don't think it's a bad thing." So awkward. Save us, Dana!
Then Brandi brings up nannies, which could ruffle Camille's feathers. Hey now, she has cut back on the nannies. Anyway, back to Kim, who can't just have been doing her makeup in that bathroom. Brandi calls Kim "cracked out of her mind," and Kyle says Brandi is "trashy and classless." They tell each other to f**k off, but neither of them do.
It seemed like things were calming down and Brandi was admitting defeat, but then Kim said that the only one acting like trailer trash at the party is Brandi.
So Brandi says, "at least I don't do Crystal Meth in the bathroom all night long, bitch." OHHHHHHHHHH. She went there. Kyle stands up to tell Brandi what's up, and Brandi says not to talk about her kids like that or "I will f*cking. Kill you." Wuh oh.
More pointing, more hand slapping (Kim jumps in offering, "how 'bout I put my finger in your face, huh?"), and finally Taylor calls, "ENOUGH!" It's the only way to end things in this zip code.
Teary-eyed, Taylor declares that no one is touching anyone! Does she have to throw another charity auction to raise awareness for domestic violence? More importantly, do you think Dana was just relishing this whole thing? She concludes the matter with, "we're all from Beverly Hills, we do our thing." Well said, Dana.
The REAL Real Housewives head to the other almost-empty room, and Dana tells Brandi that she was probably in the wrong as she searches for her crutches, which Kim hid. Kim didn't hide them that well, putting them behind Brandi's chair.
Camille and Kyle agree that the Crystal Meth thing went too far, and I think Camille chose sides well this time! Brandi determines that she never wants to see them ever ever ever ever ever again. My money says she does, though! At least we'll always have Dana on the periphery.
In the other room, Camille and Taylor secretly admit to each other that they sort of relate to Brandi. Meanwhile, Dana has another shining, kiss-ass moment.
"I love Kim just the way she is. Let's go on our journey! Let's just go! We're together forever, that's what we're about. Always have been. Everybody!" Viva la Dana!
Kyle meets with Lisa and Adrienne to rehash this terrible game night. I hope she includes all the crazy things Dana said. She does tell them about Winston Churchill, though. I'm glad we're not letting that slide. They all agree that Brandi is a bitch.
Taylor, on the other hand, does not think Brandi is a bitch, so she goes to lunch with her. Brandi looks like Gretchen Rossi, doesn't she? Taylor tells her to be open to apologizing, which Brandi most certainly is not.
Kim and Kyle are going to Palm Desert with the kids. This is step whatever in the Repair the Richards Sisters Project.
YES: Kim put aerosol air spray in her mouth for a week thinking it was breath spray and she didn't even notice. For a week! This is the episode that keeps on giving.
They really feel their mother's absence at the house in Palm Desert. This is the "goddamn house" that Kyle and Mauricio supposedly "stole." We're getting answers tonight. Kyle's story is that it was left to the three of them and she bought them out. Kim wanted to buy back in and Kyle said no. In an interview, Kim got weirdly sassy about it. At least now we know that accusation didn't come from nowhere.
Kevin Lee, the Wedding Planner. Like I said, this episode just keeps on giving. Who is this guy, a cartoon? He can't be for real. Pandora wants to get married in the Vanderpump Garden, and Kevin suggests building a church in it "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA." Keep it coming, Kevin. Kevin + Lisa = TV magic!
Kevin tells Pandora to have a bigger wedding and invite more guests. He wants it to be "very Beverly Hills," and he just won't stop talking about how lavish he wants it. Lisa compares him to Frank, of The Father of the Bride.
Pandora wants some pink on her dress, and Kevin says, "No, I don't think so." Then he suggests they spend $1 million on the wedding. Kevin! Even though he is obviously the worst, Lisa hires him because he is "supposedly the best."
Kim and Kyle talk about their families, and Kim complains of Kyle's micro-managing and nagging and controlling. In Kyle's defense, though, Kim is kind of a mess. In Kim's defense, Kyle thinks she's always right.
In the Suddenly Boring World of Camille, Camille is throwing a charity luncheon with her mom to help fight breast cancer. Or to spend money for breast cancer? I don't know. "Getting involved, awareness, and raising funds for research," according to Camille.
Despite her vow, Brandi shows at the luncheon. Then Dana tries on a giant white fur coat! GET IT! Oh she does. Of course she gets the fur. Unknowingly, Camille seated Kyle and Brandi a few seats away from each other at the same table. Get over it for breast cancer, ladies.
"Have you guys had a chance to chat" Dana asks Kyle and Brandi with her mouth full. Fortunately for them, the nervous bumbling speeches started. But Lisa decides she has to say something because it was getting beyond rude. She tries to make nice with Brandi, but it's just not happening. At least no one pointed.
Kim and Adrienne put on their special walking tracksuits to saunter along and gossip. Kim doesn't want anything to do with Brandi, and refuses to forgive and forget the night in the limo. She can't forgive Kyle outing her as an alcoholic.
Next week, Adrienne throws a spa day which would have been relaxing had Brandi not crutched her way in!
(images courtesy of Bravo)