Tonight on The Real Housewives of Atlanta
, all my dreams are coming true as Kandi wants to develop Lawrence (Sheree's hair stylist) as a musical artist. Yes, yes, yes. I was all ready to make fun of Lawrence as the next Kim Zolciak, but this boy's got some pipes! Kandi is ready to make him the RuPaul for the next generation. Okay! Isn't it kind of weird that Kandi's song for Lawrence is called "Closet Freak" just like Lisa Wu Hartwell's clothing line? And isn't it even weirder that upon the mention of her name, Kim showed up to work on "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing"? It's dreck but it's so right.
Lawrence is ready to work, Kim is ready to sit back and judge. I love Kandi, but "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing" is quite the stretch. And didn't Kim want it to be a country song? I sure do. Kim is skeptical and a little afraid, which is exactly where Kandi wants her.
It's Day 30 of NeNe's 90-day ultimatum for Brice. Brice wants to be a club promoter but, like Kim, he doesn't really want to do any of the work himself. Cynthia meets up with Leon, her daughter Noelle's father. Uhhh I didn't know Cynthia had a daughter! Or that Noelle's father was a "well-known" actor! Cynthia and Leon were engaged, have a love child, but were never married, so Leon is skeptical about Cynthia's pseudo-engagement to Peter. As am I.
Drop everything that you're doing! Kim is in the studio! She wants curtains so that no one can see her singing, or so that she can construct The Great and Powerful Oz. After objecting to every little thing and every high note, Kim butchers the melody beyond recognition or repair. It was SO deliciously bad and the producers' faces were so horrified . . . we live for this.
Kandi wants Kim to re-hire her vocal coach but Kim does not want that because the vocal coach tells it like it is. Kim is still re-living that 8th grade Christmas pageant. Her dad tells us it was phenomenal.
This episode was going so well without Phaedra (bleh), but we watched her meet with Latavia Roberson (former member of Destiny's Child, apparently). Phaedra tells Latavia that it's time for a comeback in the form of a one-woman show. Euuuughhhh.
To save us from Phaedra, Kim and NeNe go out to lunch to discuss Gregg and Big Poppa. Is he still around or not? I guess he kind of is. Still, how dare Kim compare her relationship with Big Poppa to NeNe's relationship with Gregg? But enough about NeNe, Kim thought, let's talk about "The Ring Didn't Mean a Thing." NeNe lays down some honesty: the track is no good with or without Kim.
Kim visits her four storage units and decides to have a garage sale for all her expensive shizz she's been keeping in there. Kim's father proves to be an excellent haggler. NeNe's ready to buy the bed and haggles it down to $1800. Might as well get rid of it instead of paying to keep it somewhere. Speaking of paying to keep something somewhere, Peter talks to Cynthia about marriage and she makes sure she is getting that ring. The ring that will mean a thing, not to be confused with the one that didn't.
After deserting the yard/estate sale for "Burgers Shakes Fries," the Housewives talk to Phaedra about having her baby (and how old is that baby anyway?). It's still not adding up. You can't just induce at seven months, and how did it get to eight pounds? Wouldn't it be easier just to admit that you got pregnant before you got married? After Phaedra left, Kim, NeNe, and Cynthia conclude that Phaedra is a lying beeeyotch.
Kim only made just under $11,000 at her garage sale and she's mad that her dad doesn't understand how much she thinks her stuff is worth. But seriously, that would have been money paying the storage unit so what's the big deal? Kim admits to Kandi that she doesn't like the new song (and "Google Me" was born?). Kandi asks Kim to take voice lessons and to take this whole thing more seriously, which Kim does not.
At NeNe's dinner party, Peter lectures Brice on having a job, and Cynthia tries to patch up NeNe and Gregg's marriage. NeNe's lecture finger goes up after Gregg accuses her of throwing shade and it's a little awkward. It gets even more awkward as NeNe and Gregg discuss their issues out in the open, in front of Peter and Cynthia. I can't decide whether I really care for Peter or not but I like Cynthia so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. After even more alcohol, NeNe admits to Cynthia at the end of the night that she's ready to divorce Gregg, after insinuating that there may have been some infidelity.
Next week looks like a doozy! Hopefully you've re-programmed your DVR to catch The Real Housewives of Atlanta in its new Sunday night time slot!
(images and video courtesy of Bravo)