There's little chance that ABC will bring The Mole
back for another season in its current format. The recently wrapped reality series bombed in the ratings this summer, with the big finale pulling in less than three million viewers. When the previous iteration of The Mole
struggled to find an audience, ABC replaced it with a celebrity version that ran for two seasons. The revamped series featured such D-list talents as Stephen Baldwin
, Corbin Bernsen, Tracey Gold and Dennis Rodman. It may not have been respectable, but it was at least marginally successful.
Now that ABC's attempt to revive The Mole
with host Jon Kelley
has fizzled, should the network green light another celebrity edition? If so, which D-list celebrities should sign up?
The success of shows like Dancing with the Stars
and The Celebrity Apprentice
has proven that viewers have a strong desire to see people who barely qualify as celebrities competing against one another. Considering America's love affair with the D-listers, now would be a perfect time to resurrect Celebrity Mole
. Fans of the franchise may not be thrilled with the idea, but there's no denying that it'd be appealing to watch supposed stars scheme against one another.
Since the previous season of Celebrity Mole
featured eight celebrities, I've come up with the following dream cast for the new season:
There was a time in the late '90s when Carson Daly was poised to be The Next Big Thing. Unfortunately for the former TRL host, someone hatched Ryan Seacrest in a lab and sent him to take over the world instead. Daly then disappeared off the planet, though some people claim that if you watch NBC long enough he'll magically appear in the dead of night, telling bad jokes and interviewing celebrities even less famous than he is. Being on Celebrity Mole
would be a perfect way for Daly to shake up his nice guy image.
Considering that he was the king sleaze ball of the '80s, James Spader would actually be a better choice for The Mole
. However, Spader already has a job on an ABC show people actually watch, so I'll have to find wherever Nelson's been hiding since Suddenly Susan
was canceled and beg him to come on the show. Besides, who doesn't want to see the rebel from The Breakfast Club
throw down with Carson Daly?
Baldwin appeared on both seasons of the original Celebrity Mole
, so I can't deny the guy a spot on my fantasy casting list. Besides, what else does he have to do?
Every good reality show needs a cantankerous old guy to knock some sense into everyone, and the 87-year-old actor / Conan O'Brien regular would be perfect. I have trouble imagining Vigoda participating in tough physical challenges, but let's just pretend he still has the strength of an ox and could pull them off.
Henderson has already appeared on Dancing with the Stars
, but that show didn't allow her to backstab anyone, which is incredibly disappointing. Having the erstwhile Carol Brady on a show where she has to manipulate her teammates and participate in brainy challenges would be wonderful. In fact, I'd actually like to see Henderson be the mole, simply because no one would suspect a former Brady Bunch
cast member to be an evil mastermind.
If you've never seen an episode of Dynasty
, you are truly missing out on the glory of British bitch goddess Joan Collins. Her character on the '80s soap, Alexis Carrington, was famous for lying, scheming, blackmailing, and doing anything necessary to come out on top. That's the exact sort of can-do spirit needed on Celebrity Mole
. There's also a chance she'll get in a catfight with another female contestant, which would certainly be a bonus.
Najimy has raked in a ton of cash playing Peggy on King of the Hill
for the past decade, but I'll always remember her for her roles in Hocus Pocus
and the two Sister Act
movies. It's time for Najimy to appear in front of the camera again, and what better way to do so than brawling with Joan Collins while lugging gold bricks up a mountain?
Since the rest of the cast is made up of rather dignified ladies, I require a hardcore rocker chick who knows how to stir up trouble. Joan Jett would be perfect, and just think of how amusing it'd be to discover that Florence Henderson has never heard of "I Love Rock and Roll." Jett just might have the brains and the stamina to win the entire competition.
Of course, even with my awesome cast lined up there's little chance that ABC will bring back The Mole
in any way, shape or form. The network likely isn't interested in trying to resurrect the series yet again, but wouldn't it be lovely to see Abe Vigoda hanging out with Kathy Najimy?
- Don Williams, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of Wire Images)