This evening's all new episode of Big Bang Theory
, "The Rhinitis Revelation," had everything I usually love about the show plus the added bonus of another hilarious guest appearance from Laurie Metcalf as Sheldon's Mom, Mary Cooper. Whenever Laurie shows up, you know you can count on some real pearls of wisdom from Sheldon's very conservative mother and this episode was certainly no different. Most of the best quotes either came from Mary or from conversations from Mary and Sheldon but Howard, Raj and Penny each offered a gem or two. I likely could've quoted the entire episode but I tried to whittle it down to the best of the best. Enjoy!
Mary: "Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating - five thorny crowns."
Mary (to Leonard, explaining Gunning with God): "Oh, it is a hoot and a half. You write your sins on a clay pigeon, they fire 'em up in the air and you pulverize 'em with a twelve gage shotgun full of our Lord's forgiveness."
Sheldon: "Frankly, Mom, I'm encouraged to see how advanced your group has become - willing to sail out into the ocean without fear of falling off the edge."
Sheldon: "My Mom's fried chicken is the reason we had to buy my dad the extra wide coffin."
Leonard: "Sheldon, you're talking like a crazy person."
Mary: "Actually, I had him tested as a child."
Leonard: "It's kinda like the Loch Ness Monster. Maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't. We'll never know but sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it."
Mary: "A cat can have kittens in the oven but that doesn't make 'em biscuits."
Sheldon: "You can lead a chicken to Crisco but you can't make your mother fry it."
Raj: "I couldn't find you guys so I bought six new friends. Three sadly are dead."
Mary: "I thought it was our Indians that had the occasional drinking problem."
Leonard: "We don't say that either. I'll make you a list."
Mary: "Oh! That'd be mighty white of you."
Mary: "Back home, there's a woman works at the Wal-Mart - tall, tall girl. Woman could hunt geese with a rake."
Sheldon: "Penny has a lot of money tied up in promiscuity futures."
Mary (to Penny): "When I was your age, you could have me for a car ride and a bottle of strawberry wine."
Howard: "She says if I don't back out, she's gonna go on a hunger strike. It'd take years for her to be in any danger but still."
Sheldon: "You people need to stop ruining my Mom's visit with your sushi and your sadness and your slutty shirts."
Amy: "Sheldon is it possible that your foul mood or, to use the clinical term, bitchiness, is because your mother isn't making you a priority."
Raj: "None of our Gods have abs like that."
Howard: "Yup - that's the last Jew that did sit ups and look where it got him."
Mary (to God): "I wanna thank you for the blessing that is my little Shelly. I also wanna thank you for the continued strength not to cold cock him with my bible."
Penny (to God): "I'm good but it would be a big help to my family if you could get my brother to stop cooking meth. But no cops. Be cool."
Mary (to God): "She also goes a little overboard on the 'Love thy neighbor'. She could probably use that little chat you had with Mary Magdalene."
Mary (to God): "Hear that? Girl trouble. Turns out we were both wrong on that front."
Howard (speaking for Raj): "He says he's having trouble dropping those last few pounds."
Mary: "Huh, I probably woulda gone with that talkin' to girls thing."
Howard (after Raj whispers to him): "Nuh - you only get one wish."
Sheldon (to man on bench) "Rain - another great equalizer. Falling on the head of the brilliant and the unremarkable alike."
Sheldon (to man on bench who has opened an umbrella): "Smarty pants."
Mary: "The real way to get a man is through cheese and cream of mushroom soup. He'll die at fifty but his love will be true."
Sheldon (soaking wet and holding a tissue): "I need a new tissue. This one got wet."
Leonard (to Mary): "Mrs. Cooper, were we supposed to take that pie out of the oven?"
Sheldon (to Leonard): "Get out!"
Mary: "Well that was rude."
Sheldon (to Mary): "I know but he means well."Best Tweets from this Episode
(Image courtesy of CBS)