The Bachelorette: The Girlfriend Mystery No One Can (Or Wants to) Solve
The Bachelorette: The Girlfriend Mystery No One Can (Or Wants to) Solve
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Last night on The Bachelorette,  Tanner the Pedi-phile dropped a bomb on Jillian's achey-breaky heart: some guys have girlfriends at home and/or are on her reality TV dating show with hidden agendas! And while she shouldn't have been shocked by this second revelation, given that it IS a reality TV dating show where all of them get liner notes in the morning like, "Michael: Drink 5 redbulls before breakfast ," or "Tanner: Talk about how you want to lick the toes 5 times today," or, "David: Get drunk and be yourself today."

What I'm trying to say is, it's kind of fake, you guys. We all know this. And the idea of a guy coming onto the show with a hidden publicity agenda is neither new nor shocking... unless he wins. Then we would be LIVID. But he won't, and you know it. The fame blame game is just a familiar pitstop on the rocky road of drama to the requisite happy ending. Jillian will pick someone genuine, and Wes's single will never hit the Country Top 40. You know this, too, because you have ears.

That other half of Tanner's implication bomb, however, was like a punch to the gut for lil' ol' Jill. Little did she know that Toe Man was talking about the same guy in both accusations: Wes (I prefer to just call him "Worst") not only wants to drop that single like it's hot, he also apparently told Tanner that there's a girl at home "that he still likes." Somehow this never got caught on film, but there WAS a moment the crew caught in which Worst said to the entire group that he has fallen in love with 3 or 4 women at a time before. SACRE BLEU! That statement actually tells us nothing! Especially because it's a clearly hyperbolic statement within the context of a conversation about how difficult Jillian's choices will be at the end, and in a typical pissing-contest fashion, Worst just wants to make clear to the group that he is the MOST sympathetic to her! Because he is Worst, and Worst will do anything to win.

Let's get one thing straight: whether Worst has a girlfriend at home or not, he is still The Worst. He's cheesy and sneaky and horrible. And the ultimate dramatic tension this season on The Bachelorette depends upon us knowing that he's The Worst, and Jillian thinking he is The Possibly Best, Maybe Even Marriage Material. And for that tension to continue just a few episodes longer, Tanner couldn't name names. It was tricky business, especially when he had Jillian telling him, "I don't want you to name names, but please name names." Probably afraid that Jill would label him a narc and eliminate him for "ratting someone out" (even though she asked him to), Tanner just let his accusation lay there on the table, anonymous and vague.
Host Chris Harrison had this to say about what happened next:

After his words Jillian called off the cocktail party and by the time I found her in the deliberation room her head was spinning and she was pretty upset. This is where I have to admit it's different for me to host The Bachelorette than The Bachelor. I went into that rose ceremony a little pissed off and wanted to get to the bottom of this for Jillian. I felt so bad for Tanner P. during this confrontation. Even though some won't feel sorry for him since he stirred all this up, I really thought he was going to pass out. He was sweating and didn't take a breath the entire time. Jillian got a little annoyed with the guys because instead of worrying about who might have a girlfriend, all the guys cared about was who said what. This confrontation went on for a while and there were a lot of awkward silences. Emotions were running pretty high. In the end, Jillian really didn't get any answers and sent Dave and Juan home.

So. Everyone--Jillian, Chris, and the rest of the guys--just want to "get to the bottom of this," and that's the only thing that doesn't get done. Instead, they spend the rose ceremony declaring their own innocence and trying to guilt the guilty man into confessing in front of the group.
All my crime-show viewers out there should agree with me that this is across-the-board the WORST way to smoke out a liar. This rose ceremony scene should be used in college Criminology classes as an example of  "What Not to Do When Solving a Mystery."
1. Do not allow the accuser to make a vague accusation and then just stand there silently.
2. Do not appeal to a liar and cheater's moral compass.
3. Do not ask the criminal to come forth in front of a huge group of burly men who want to maim him.
4. Do not expect him to own up to his crimes in such a public and pressurized setting.
5. Don't just GIVE UP after a few minutes because no one is willing to name names.
If Detectives Eliot Stabler and Olivia Benson (SVU, holla!) were there, THEY would have "gotten to the bottom of this" through some old-fashioned skull-cracking and browbeating. They would know to do some more 1 on 1 investigating with the suspects, and not just let the tension gradually fizzle out, crime unsolved. What a let down.

But what "crime" are we even talking about here? I know Chris Harrison and The Bachelorette crew aren't interested in giving us answers just yet, but what exactly is the question at hand? Is it "Does Wes have a girlfriend?" Or is it "Does Wes 'have a girl at home that he still likes'?" Or is this about his career? Is this even about Wes? Didn't Tanner say 3 guys have girlfriends? What am I even saying? Is this real life? I need to lie down.

And that concludes this episode of Unsolved Mysteries: The Ones No One Cares Enough to Solve. Wes is still the Worst, girlfriend or no. Go Kiptyn and Reid!

More of The Bachelorette:
Jillian Finally Sends Crazy David Home
Who's There for "The Right Reasons"? What Does That Even Mean?
Is Jillian's Weakness "Kiptynite"?
Read the latest recap: The Bachelorette Episode 4 (Page 1/3)
'Bachelorette' Jillian on 'Regis and Kelly': "I Kind of Dug My Own Grave in Front of These Guys"

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-Meghan Carlson, BuddyTV Staff Writer
[Source: Entertainment Weekly]
Image courtesy of ABC