On next week's episode of The Bachelor
, Ben will visit the hometowns of his final four
, and Courtney the model, who's got his man-parts firmly in her vice-grip, has a big surprise waiting for him. She's already
let him see her naked, so there's only one thing left to do:
SURPRISE HIM WITH A WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!
Are you taking notes, ladies? On how to be completely unnatural, presumptuous and terrifying? Watch and learn (and then read more Bachelor bits that'll make you say "WHOA."):
If he doesn't get the hint, I don't think it will be "Cupid" hitting Ben over the head with his bow and arrow. It will be Courtney hitting him in the face with a crowbar.
[SPOILER ALERT] COURTNEY IN A CAPE!Get a load of these photos
of Ben and Lindzi kissing and riding in a carriage in Switzerland, and Courtney standing on her balcony, surveying her kingdom of darkness in a dramatic cape. She is both the best and worst thing to ever happen to this show. I'm seriously going to miss her when this is all over. [The Daily Mail]Courtney, Conveniently Summed Up"There were warning signs aplenty - from Courtney's revelation that she
only has guy friends, to practicing her "kill shot" for the camera, to
her hyperbolic rose-smelling, to her worrying propensity for lapsing
into baby voice, to her disquieting comfort and first-name-basis with
tarantulas, to the most alarming offense of all: Alleging there are men
in the world other than Ben. It was almost too much for poor Emily to
believe: "Did she say Ben's not the only guy in the world?" she
whispered, horrified, before repeating: "She said Ben's not the only guy
in the world."
Wait -- tarantulas aren't the hottest accessory right now
? [StyleBistro]Chris Harrison Doesn't Care if It's a Happy Ending, He Just Cares That You Care"This season may not be a Trista and Ryan fairytale or an Ashley and J.P. situation where everyone's rooting for them ... but as long as people
have opinions about it, that's what matters. It's when
they're indifferent that it's bad." Sounds like you're the one who's a little too indifferent
(TO THE LOVE STORY!), Chris. [TV Guide]Rumor Has It...
Just For Fun
- Ben and his chosen one have already "fizzled." WHAT? And he doesn't even text her anymore? WHAAAAAAAAAT? [Life & Style]
- But then what is she gonna do with this massive rock that Ben allegedly proposed with? [Radar Online]
(Image courtesy of ABC)
- "She's a dental hygienist. She has a tattoo, and none of the others have tattoos, and that is at least a little interesting." This recap by someone's mom is perfect. [Jezebel]
- "I can't tell if he actually likes any of these women or if he's just using their mouths as a temporary storage area for his tongue." Jimmy Kimmel gives his summary of this week's episode. [Hulu]
- "The medieval tales take place in long ago and far away locations, and
the characters are removed from local settings and contemporary time
periods." This expert confirms what we've known all along: The Bachelor is stuck in the Middle Ages. [Reality TV World]