'The Bachelor 13' Aftergasm: Naughty Hook-Ups in Fantasy Suites
'The Bachelor 13' Aftergasm: Naughty Hook-Ups in Fantasy Suites
The powers that be who are responsible for The Bachelor really gave it their all for last night's episode, the season's seventh. They flew Jason Mesnick and the top three bachelorettes, Jillian, Molly and Melissa, half way across the world to New Zealand, where they pretty much got a dream vacation. Jillian and Jason got to tour the mountains and valleys on a helicopter. Molly and Jason bungee jumped off of a bridge with one of the most amazing views in all of New Zealand. And finally, Melissa and Jason got to enjoy some quality time in Winston Churchill's boat.

I'm sure Jason Mesnick enjoyed himself on all these dates, and who wouldn't? But I'm betting that he enjoyed spending three consecutive nights with three different women in three lavish hotel suites a lot more. Talk about a fantasy! (Although, what gives? How can you talk about a “fantasy” suite in New Zealand not make any mention of hobbits or, at the very least, elevensies? Oops, I think I've just outed myself as a complete nerd.)

In my own experience, I think that the first time you spend the night with someone is simultaneously wonderfully giddy and extremely awkward. It's wonderful for obvious reasons, but it's always awkward the first time because maybe you're not sure whether it's going to happen or whether the other person really wants to stay over, or how exactly you're going to make your initial move. If you're the one who is staying over, you might not have a toothbrush handy, which greatly magnifies the potential for morning breath when you wake up.

There are so many things that could potentially go wrong in a normal hook-up situation, but imagine how awkward it must have been for Jason and his final three women, what with the camera and lighting people running around scrutinizing their every move, maybe even interrupting to ask them to try that kiss one more time. How awkward would that be?

Jason Mesnick totally man-slutted it up in last night's episode of The Bachelor. If I were a bro, I would pat him on the back, say “Duuuude!” with a big grin on my face, and then chug a beer. But I'm sad to report that neither a bro nor a beer-chugger am I, although I often find myself saying “Duuuude!” So instead, I will congratulate Jillian, Molly and Melissa for taking advantage of the beautiful New Zealand environs to get it on with a hot dude, vacuous though he may appear at times. I'd say this is definitely worth at least three notches in their bed posts.

I know that Jillian's ouster is on everyone's minds, but honestly, I am happy that she is no longer in the running. Much like America's Next Top Model, I think that it's the women who don't win who go on to have successful lives and careers. I found Jillian to be bright, funny, independent, adventurous and beautiful. I really bristled when Jason said something along the lines of, “I'm afraid that she might be too independent for me.” Look, dude, if being a strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man for validation is a deal-breaker for you, then you can go suck it. I wish Jillian all the best, and I hope that the person she ends up with really is her best friend.

Read our recap of The Bachelor 13: Episode 7 right here!

Best In Show

Best Quote:
I find it really difficult to find good quotes from The Bachelor. There's usually so much vapid blather about “amazing connections.” Nothing in last night's episode topped “Today, I learned that Hector loves Jesus” from last week, so I'm going to leave this section blank.

Best Scene:
Honestly, I think that the previews for the season finale of The Bachelor were the best part of the show. Chris Harrison promises – he promises! – that it's going to be the most dramatic finale EVER. And DeAnna Pappas, who just happens to be vacationing in New Zealand (yeah, right!) will stop by to stir shit up. How can you not be excited?

Best User Comment:
“My theory is that DeAnna is going to come to New Zealand and give Jason advice on whom to pick. She's going to tell him that she made the wrong choice but it's not too late for him to choose the right one. I think he's going to call Jillian back and propose to her!” a very excellent theory proposed by PaigePowers2.

-Debbie Chang, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image courtesy of ABC)

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