Tonight, Ben takes his 11 remaining
pawns hostages victims sacrificial lambs ladies
to Puerto Rico, in their first international outing of the season! So, of course, what better place and time to enjoy America's #1 pastime
? And by "enjoy," I mean "suffer through as a pointless means to three inevitable ends: tight shorts, screaming and crying."
But baseball isn't the only game the girls will play tonight. As we see in this preview for tonight's Bachelor
episode (8pm on ABC), and as we previously saw in this extended clip
, Courtney is going to make waves
(HAR, HAR!) with her sneaky, shady, slithering, shifty, surreptitious and slutty plan of going skinny dipping with Ben. Meanwhile, each of the other women will invest more deeply into the elaborate fiction she's created in her mind that Ben is her one, true, floppy-haired prince. Until they all find out about how Courtney bumped wet parts with him in the ocean. And then they're all going to LOSE THEIR PRETTY LIL MINDS. Roll tape:
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If I'm watching this preview correctly -- and I believe that I am, as I also believe that The Bachelor
editors would never knowingly mislead, misdirect or lie to me -- it appears that Courtney is some sort of witch, and the first step of her dark love spell over Ben is to baptize him in the erotic waves of the Puerto Rican ocean. Then she's going to blow out a candle as a wish to the evil spirits, who will make Emily and Nicki and that forgettable girl on the yacht DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE OR A ROSE. And somewhere in the middle, the spirits will also help her win the baseball game. This might be the first time that anyone has ever asked this before, but: Is there anything this model can't
Watch The Bachelor
and witness all of Ben's "Latin swagger" tonight at 8pm on ABC, and come back here after to read my full recap.(Image courtesy of ABC)