'Bachelor' Breakup: Breaking Down the He Said/She Said
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
I doubt I'm the only one who hoped that The Bachelor's Jake and Vienna would announce their break-up in a dignified, mutually respectful way, independently retreat to their homes to recover, and leave it at that. If we can't believe in love on The Bachelor, can't we at least believe in basic human decency and the triumph of a person's last remaining shard of dignity over the temptation of money and publicity?

No, of course we cannot! That's not allowed in Bachelor land. And I'm a dreamer and a fool for thinking so. But I'd rather be a dreamer than a ... whatever Jake and Vienna are these days.

I just wanted to get that out of the way before we put on our acid-repellent brain-boots and once again sift through the toxic pool that is the Jake Pavelka and Vienna Girardi Bachelor break-up with this basic, purely curious question in mind: what is going on here?

To make the "he said/she said" sifting a little easier, here is a side-by-side comparison of Jake and Vienna's tabloid covers and claims about their controversial break-up:

Is it even worth picking a side or declaring one of these people a 'winner' of the break-up? I think it's pretty clear that both of them are lying at least a little bit (at least about the sex stuff, which, by the way, yuck), but that in a relationship that even in its happiest times was founded on superficial attraction and lies, each probably gave the other plenty of genuine blaming material--material that they are now collecting into verbal hate-balls and slinging at one and other for profit.

Come to think of it: this exaggerated, malicious, bitter break-up might be the closest Jake and Vienna have ever come to acting like a real couple. (Besides the tabloid part.) So at least there's that.

Still, in this "he said/she said" battle of the sexes, I'm ready to call it: we've got ourselves a lose-lose-lose. (We're the third "lose.")

And get ready to keep losing, folks! ABC announced today that Jake and Vienna will conduct their first and only interview together before, during or after the July 5 episode of The Bachelorette.

Have you picked a side in this bitter break-up scenario? Who do you believe? Or are you like me, and just wishing these two would pack up what's left of their pride and call it a day?

[Sources/Images: Star, People]