'Bachelor' Bitchin': What's the Sexiest Thing About Brad?
'Bachelor' Bitchin': What's the Sexiest Thing About Brad?
Meghan Carlson
Meghan Carlson
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
Welcome to the newest feature in our ever-expanding Bachelor universe on BuddyTV: Bachelor Bitchin'! In an effort to get you talking, laughing and, most of all, thinking (because that's what The Bachelor is FOR!) each week Carla and I will pose a Bachelor-related question and hash it out. But we don't have all the answers. So leave yours in the comments! (Note: Sarcasm is optional.)

Carla: What's the sexiest thing about Brad?
Meghan: Definitely his crippling insecurity.
Meghan: And how his facial muscles don't convey emotion.
Carla: Abandonment issues.
Carla: Beady eeeeeyes!
Meghan: Spent some time in the clink.
Carla: Thinks "making movies" is a good date.
Meghan: Once voluntarily changed his last name to "Pickelsimer."
Meghan: Also thinks forcing a woman to sing the same song over and over for an hour is a good date.
Carla: The fact that he is The Bachelor twice over.
Meghan: So how he never learns his lesson the first time around?

122008_3505_pre.jpg"Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, SHAME ON ME SOME MORE! ... I just really like being shamed."

Carla: OK, but seriously. ... His chest? I guess?
Meghan: I think it's really the way he can never seem to move beyond small talk with anyone.
Carla: And yet something about him causes these women to open up and reveal their deepest darkest secrets and insecurities almost right away.
Meghan: Probably his chest.
Carla: His doughy, hairless chest. Well, it's not doughy. I don't know, I haven't touched it, but my husband COULD HAVE*.
Carla: Speaking of sexy, how is this fantasy date situation going to go for him?
Meghan: You mean will his debilitating self-loathing make him a dynamo in the bedroom? Who could say?
Carla: Oh I just meant like, will people find him sexy and confident enough in time? He's just so dull.
Meghan: I am starting to like him more, but sort of the way you like someone you pity, and you just want to see find a normal sense of self. Not whom you want to marry and ride away with in a princess carriage. And definitely not someone whom you want to see naked.
Carla: Agreed.

shirtlessbrad11.jpgIt's not like we'd kick him out of bed. But he'd probably beat us to it (and then beat himself up about it for two hours), you know?

Carla: Does Brad need someone he can take care of, or someone who can take care of him?
Meghan: The latter, for sure.
Meghan: I honestly think this season is one for the books, if only because it is the first openly insecure Bachelor EVER.
Carla: It worries me.
Meghan: The whole premise of the show is supposed to be how he is this awesome dude. But he's supposed to believe it, too.
Carla: He's doing the bare minimum amount of Bachelor swagger. By killing Asian men with shovel wind. And showing up.
Carla: But at least we're not going to see him throw any roses into the fire or anything.
Meghan: It just seems like this season is spitting in the face of the whole "You can't love somebody until you love yourself" thing that we learned as little girls to help us build confidence.
Carla: I love that he has a therapist, though. Everyone on the show should have that luxury. Including Chris Harrison, for his gradual phasing-out that is happening.
Meghan: I think ABC is riding a very precarious line by admitting that their Bachelor needs psychological help.
Carla: It's the only way they could get "America" on board with Brad's second time around.
Meghan: IS America on board, though? ... But nevermind that. Back to sexy Brad!
Carla: Hahaha. I don't know, I don't think anything is sexy about him.
Meghan: He's good-looking, but the insecurity just totally overshadows that. I'm still rooting for him to find love (because he so desperately needs it, apparently), and I'm glad he did (or so he says!) but I have no fantasies whatsoever about him finding it with me instead. It's been a while since I felt that way about a Bachelor, though.
Carla: He looks EXACTLY like his character in the Bachelor Wii game.
Meghan: he is literally and figuratively two-dimensional!


Carla: He's approachable ... because HE wouldn't even pick up Brad at a bar.
Meghan: You can literally say anything to him because he is so desperate for validation that he will agree!
Carla: I do like that Brad gets enthusiastic about some stuff. He's like a kid. He thinks carnivals and action movies and hot cars and recording studios are really cool! Whether his dates do or not is irrelevant.

122009_5057_pre.jpgAdults doing adult things! Very sexy.

Carla: The sexiest thing about Brad is that he's never been captured. No woman has had him! He's hard to get.
Meghan: Like a puma! Or tuberculosis!
Carla: Women like a challenge.
Meghan: And Brad is nothing if not a big ol' challenge. To watch, anyway.

*Carla's husband once served food to Brad at an Austin-area restaurant. It was a vicarious highlight of Carla's life.

YOUR TURN: What's the sexiest thing about Brad?!

(Images courtesy of ABC)