It's Joan Rivers vs. Annie Duke on tonight's epic 3 hour Celebrity Apprentice finale showdown. The two will be competing in one last challenge and then Donald Trump will take it to the boardroom and name someone the next Celebrity Apprentice.

We start tonight at the American Museum of Natural History. That's a random venue. Go with it Trump. He calls Joan legendary and Annie vicious so I'm thinking he's leaning towards Joan. Trump walks out of a cloud of smoke and into the theatre. He high fives a couple of people, which is classy and takes his sweet time getting to the stage because he has to shake everyone's hand on the way. He takes off his coat and points at the coat girl. I think he thought she was hot. I'm not sure.

Donald Trump wishes us a happy Mother's Day and announces that The Celebrity Apprentice has been picked up for a ninth season. Then the recap reel starts. Annie Duke explains she plays a game for a living so no one can beat her. Joan says she'll do anything she can to win. The crowd cheers for Joan more so I think they're leaning towards her too. The women won too much so they had to switch up teams, which instantly set up the Joan vs. Annie conflict. Joan called Annie Hitler. Melissa called her "whore pit viper" and Joan calls Annie "beyond white trash." Joan says she'll kill to win because it's good vs. evil tonight.

We pick up right after last week's boardroom. Annie and Joan go back to the loft and sit down across from each other. Annie tries to talk to Joan and Joan says she doesn't want to talk about it because she doesn't want to allow America hear it. Annie asks for respect for her and her friends. Joan Rivers tells her to not be childish. Annie tells her she should have never personally attacked her and Joan says that she only deals with her equals then leaves.

Donald Trump, his offspring and some dude meet them at Two Times Square. Donald asks Joan how she feels about Annie and she says she thinks she's a smart woman. Trump says he brought in some help since it's such a large task. Dennis Rodman, Tom Green, Clint Black, Herschel Walker, Brande Roderick, and Melissa Rivers. Annie calls heads and wins and gets to pick Brande. Joan picks Herschel Walker first which is a shocker. Melissa explains that Joan and her had a plan to makes sure Joan picks Melissa last. Annie picks Dennis and Joan picks Clint and finally Annie picks Tom. Melissa's plan works and she's gloating.

The task is a silent auction. They'll be working with Kodak and Cirque Du Soleil. Jeff from Kodak explains that they are to take a picture or something. They'll also be selling Cirque Du Soleil  tickets at face value on the street. The criteria for the challenge are:

Kodak product integration
Celebrities in attendance
Overall guest experience
Charity integration
Money raised

Trump welcomes back Andrew Dice Clay, Scott Hamilton, Claudia Jordan, Brian McKnight and Jesse James. Andrew Dice Clay and Donald Trump have a weird exchange. Trump tells Scott that he hated firing him. Scott Hamilton says firing him early was the greatest gift he could have ever given him. Jesse James asks, "Is this live?" Claudia Jordan says she showed more of herself because all she normally does it open a briefcase.

Melissa says she doesn't like that Clint's on her team. Joan is calling people up telling them that they have to beat Annie Duke because she's evil. Annie Duke goes about complimenting her teammates. Tom Green and D-Rod are tight. She tells Dennis and Tom to go sell all the tickets and do the celebrity apprentice special frame. Then she tells them that Joan Rivers insulted Brande and that they have to beat her. Annie Duke asks Dennis if he can bring in money and he just responds, "I'm on your team." Dennis comes in and says that she picked the right guy and hands her $20,000 from the Detroit Pistons and Los Angeles Lakers.

Jeff from Kodak comes in to meet with Joan's team. He emphasizes celebrations and events. He tells them that they should make people feel like their a VIP. Clint makes a bad joke about Gene Simmons. Jeff gives a different pitch to Annie's team, which is weird. Annie gets frustrated that Tom is talking too much during their meeting with Jeff. Tom Green gets frustrated and everyone is uncomfortable.

Joan splits things up in sections: celebrities, money, auction, pictures and tickets. Melissa is on pictures. Herschel is on money. Clint says he's worn out money-wise. He says he doesn't know anyone in New York and Herschel questions why Clint is here. Melissa and Brande have Twitter accounts and you can follow them now. Or me. Either or. Note: I just went over and checked it out. It's really boring. Essentially, they've said "here we go" and "this is getting good." Thanks guys.

Kramer from Mad Money gives us the lowdown. Annie has 7 team wins. Joan has 6. Annie is 2-0 in Project Manager Wins. He just says Trump has a tough decision. That was worthless. Annie brings in $2,000. Annie Duke calls Perry Friedman and other poker players and tells them what Joan Rivers said about them. Now they want to do anything to win. Joan calls people and tells them she's up against a piece of sh--. Herschel and Joan are wondering what Clint is doing. He makes another bad joke about Gilligan's Island.

Joan and Annie meet with the Event Planners. Annie and Brande are working on their own and Tom and Dennis just sit and watch. Tom Green says he wants to make suggestions because it's funny to watch her shoot him down. He makes a good joke about invisible wires. Annie has ice sculpture ideas and Joan has a fantasy Kodak and Cirque du Soleil. The want a winter fantasy in yellow, white and red. Joan's event planner isn't getting it.

Trump talks about history next to some skeletons. He says a team is only as strong as it's weakest link. Dennis and Tom go out to sell 80 tickets. Tom Green points out that it's a creepy proposition to ask people to climb on their bus. Tom jokes that they should grab a drink. Herschel Walker and Melissa Rivers head to Times Square to sell the tickets. Herschel calls up his friend and asks him if he wants to buy all the tickets. So Melissa and Herschel just give the tickets away for free. People are just lining up to take the tickets. Tom just starts yelling at people on the street.

Ugly Trump and Pretty Trump come to meet up with Joan. Ivanka asks how she's doing and she announces Kathy Griffin is coming to the auction. Now Joan's focused on getting people to come to the auction. Clint makes another bad joke. That's three. They come to check up on Annie and she takes them to the room. The event planner calls up Joan and she hates every idea he comes up with.

Ivanka goes over the charities. They have a 10-second "The More You Know" commercial. Joan scares me more than hunger. Annie has trouble talking but then puts it together. Ivanka informs us that this task will determine who wins. Thanks Ivanka.

Melissa starts taking pictures for Kodak. She starts looking around Times Square for people sharing things because it's an Easy Share camera. They stumbled upon a couple that had just gotten married and the bride loves Melissa Rivers, which is weird.

The event planner calls Annie and tells her that the venders are willing to provide everything at her disposal. Brande and Annie get a ton of stuff for the auction. I'm not sure they have many celebrities actually attending. Joan's event planner's assistant calls Joan because the event planner is fed up with her. The assistant refuses to give Joan David's (the event planners) number. Joan calls up her friends to replace the event planner.

David calls Joan back and she asks him for his vision. Joan tells him she wants drama and he tells her that they have less than 12 hours. Joan tells David that she wants her friend to help him. Then he quits. Then, Annie's event planner won't answer her phone. When they go to the design firm, a woman asks them to leave right away. David was the owner of the firm and he was so offended, he wanted nothing to do with The Celebrity Apprentice. The whole firm quit the show. It's after 5pm and no stores are open. They're both screwed.

George Ross stands up in the audience and says that they've never had anything like this. It's like a stand up routine about Annie and Joan. Oh George, what have they done to you? Back to the video reel, Annie's calling everyone she knows to find someone to help her out. She calls everyone and tells them Joan Rivers pissed the event planners off. She finally finds a couple people because she "literally knows everybody on Earth." A guy from "God's Love We Deliver" comes by to see Joan. She then tells her charity that they need to help her out.

Brande points out that there are only three celebrities coming to their auction. Dennis and Tom return to tell Annie that they sold all the tickets. They tried to make it seem like they only sold a couple, which totally worked because they're both screw-ups. Volunteers from "God's Love We Deliver" come by to help put together the room with Joan. She says she's the Jewish Martha Stewart, which is hilarious. But I still don't like her much.

Joan finds out that all her celebrities cancelled. Herschel Walker recommends celebrity look-alikes. Annie's designer friend Sarah comes by to take a look at the space. Then two more friends show up to help her sketch something out. She's got two designers and a construction crew. She thanks them in a heartfelt way and they sound optimistic.

Annie's friends are playing poker and talking about how awesome Annie Duke is. That's nice but I have no idea who those people are. Tom Green stands up for Joan Rivers and Annie Duke just says, "You haven't been here since week three." Tom doesn't care. Not even a little bit. He says it's a badge of honor to be dissed by Joan Rivers. Joan calls up her friend, whose mother just died, and asks him for celebrity impersonators. Good thing he thinks it's funny.

Clint and Herschel start to record videos for each auction item. Melissa goes forward with her "things people share" idea. Annie gives Tom the timecodes of the videos that need to be cut out. Evidently, he did it wrong. Annie goes off on him. Dennis is just working quietly. Tom tells her to watch the video because it's perfect and Annie tells him that it's fine.



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