'The Amazing Race: All Stars' Recap: Screw the U-Turn
'The Amazing Race: All Stars' Recap: Screw the U-Turn
Justin Sedgwick
Justin Sedgwick
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
No drivers like having to take U-turns, and these Amazing Race teams certainly don't like having to give them. But it's interesting to note that all the teams who are involved in the U-Turn scenario really face no threat of being eliminated at all, as the conundrum of which team to misguide is completely overshadowed by the Globetrotters' incompetence.

So while Dave and Connor are U-Turned, and ultimately U-Turn the Afghanimals themselves, those double U's come to make a full circle as the teams work together and survive this heated leg of the race. Who knows, maybe the Globetrotters might have actually survived if they were forced to complete both challenges of the Detour. But by overlooking the minute details of wooden donkey-building, these previously smart ball players have proven themselves to be some real dumb asses.

The Amazing Race: All-Stars Week 7 U-Turn Award: Basic Clue Comprehension >>>

Lost Roundabouts and Misguided U-Turns

Brenchel kick off the eighth leg of the race by heading towards Civitia de Bagnoregnio. Here, they are faced with the traumatic decision of which team to U-Turn. A U-Turn forces one team to complete both tasks on a Detour, intentionally slowing them down and increasing their chances at elimination. Brenchel discuss U-Turning the Cowboys, a constant threat who would then be forced to use their Express Pass. This seems to be a very good move for Brenchel.

The Singers depart second with Dave and Connor swiftly behind them, only to be separated by unseen traffic with the father/son duo pulling ahead. The girls are somewhat devastated, thinking that their good ole mormon boys ditched them, which isn't actually the case. Dave is worried that he lost his good ole golden girls behind, but they keep straddlin' ahead, hoping those country hearts will find their voice and sing their way home. The Cowboys start fourth and plan to use their Express Pass anyway, since this is the last leg the pass is valid. 

At the Detour, Brenchel choose the donkey racing option, with Rachel falling off her ass and onto her own countless times. Dave and Connor show up and aren't having too much luck riding either, with Dave gripping his hopeless steed's neck as the merry band plays his death march away. But alas, Brenchel finally push their depressed mules towards victory, completing the Detour with them approaching the U-Turn station.

Maybe it is some sort of Amazing Race enlightenment that came from riding upon the noble donkey's back, but Brenchel begins to wonder if they should U-Turn Dave and Connor instead. The logic is that Dave and Connor are immediately behind Brenchel, thus being the biggest threat. But the Cowboys prove the bigger threat long term with the Express Pass. Brendon is forceful, urging Rachel to accept U-Turning Dave and Connor as the one true religious U-Turn path, while Rachel is still skeptical, wondering if she can ever find the faith to screw over these Mormon boys. But alas, Brendon's wickedry triumphs over Rachel's paltry cries of maintaining race goodness, as Dave and Connor are officially U-Turned by the green jacket-wearing demons known as Brenchel.

Making an Ass Out of Themselves

Dave and Connor are neck and neck with the Cowboys, who barely avoid losing their own hats to a U-Turn by Brenchel. But when Dave and Connor barely arrive first, the choice is clear on who they should screw over: the Afghanimals. Wait, what? Yes, after starting off in fifth place, Dave and Connor somehow feel that U-Turning the Afghanimals will bring them a bigger advantage than the opponents standing literally right next to them. Maybe their boots just ain't big enough to square dance with the Cowboys, but these U-Turn decisions seem to have no direction.

The Cowboys ride onward ahead of Dave and Connor as the father and son explain to Leo and Jamal that, well, they screwed them over. But Leo and Jamal, despite being completely dumbstruck by the decision, hold no grudges and actually team up with Dave and Connor to complete the wooden donkey challenge in Geppetto's Workshop. No lies are spoken between these two united teams, and even when they complete their wooden donkeys, neither can figure out that they have to actually put the wooden crate on top of their horse to finish the model. Leo and Jamal lose patience with the stubborn stumps of wood and hedge their bets on real donkey racing instead.

Even after all this U-Turn switcheroo craziness, the Globetrotters and the Singers are nowhere to be found. The Singers finally arrive and complete the Detour fairly quickly, but the Globetrotters have immense difficulty riding their donkeys. Big Easy is having a big, hard time kicking off his donkey, as the two opt out for the wooden version instead. But they too can't figure out that the box goes on top of the completed donkey's back and head back to their original challenge! These globetrotters are wasting crucial minutes of their Amazing Race play clock.

The Write Stuff

Brenchel is driving towards their next challenge, with Rachel still desperately trying to convince herself that U-Turning Dave and Connor was the right thing to do. Luckily, their next Roadblock is at a church, so they can seek some redemption while completing their calligraphy writing task. Rachel, as always, predicts her expertness at completing the assignment, which can only mean she's going to screw it up.

The Cowboys show up next, then Dave and Connor and the Singers. Dave still shows resentment towards Brenchel, beckoning how that cruel team could U-Turn a 60-year-old man like himself. Brendon just sits back and prays for Rachel not to screw this up. She doesn't pass her first attempt, and is upset at the penmanship gods for forsaking her. But Rachel collects herself and resurrects her slumbering calligraphic abilities to complete the challenge, allowing the team to head to the Pit Stop for first place.

The Cowboys finish second, with the monks nearby having a lot of fun wearing their hats. Clearly, these lone rangers are more group-oriented than they think, earning love from the other teams with little to no effort. They head to the Pit Stop for a cool second place.

Caroline and Jennifer finish the calligraphy third out of the teams, and Leo and Jamal leap ahead of Dave and Connor in fourth. But the Afghanimals, known for their previous malicious and foul-mouthed behavior, completely disown their sanctimonious ways in favor of helping out Connor complete the challenge. Connor is downtrodden and even considers taking the penalty because he believes he's doing so bad. Miraculously, the monk approves Connor's page and all the teams leave the church for the Pit Stop. Leo and Jamal leap ahead of Dave and Connor for third place, and the father and son team up with the Singers again for fourth and fifth place, respectively.

Alas, the Globetrotters are the sole remaining team, with no last-minute non-elimination draft prospects to save them. They complete the calligraphy assignment in stride and still pull through to the Pit Stop even knowing they're far too behind to make it. The Globetrotters have lost their ticket to roam the globe. Which isn't really surprising, considering that they have always finished somewhere near the middle in all their legs. It just goes to show that just because the crowds may be laughing at you falling off your ass doesn't mean their good will will save it from elimination. 
 

The Amazing Race: All-Stars airs Sundays at 8pm on CBS.

(Image courtesy of CBS)



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