Even the crafty CBS editors for The Amazing Race
can't always outrun the tepid stench of inevitability. The Amazing Race 14
has had its share of truly close, exciting finishes. Tonight was not one of them. Sometimes, one Amazing Race
team makes one bad decision early in the leg and you know, barring a monumental catastrophe, that the team will be finishing last. It happened tonight in such a matter-of-fact, insignificant manner, that The Amazing Race
through me off. But, in the end, a likable team bit the dust, leaving a final five without a true fan favorite. There are no straight-up "good guys" remaining. What follows is a recap of the night's events, as the six final Amazing Race
teams traveled from the elephant-friendly town of Jaipur, India to the elephant-friendly town of Phuket, Thailand. Hooray, elephants!
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Jaighar Fort was the sixth pit stop last leg and, thus, the teams will depart from the fort. Tammy and Victor
are the first team to embark on the leg. Next destination – Phuket, Thailand. Tammy has been to Phuket before, and we hear stories about how remarkably babied Tammy was as a kid. I like Tammy OK, but Victor is the worst. The teams are given a picture of a Giant Gorilla statue, which they must find in Phuket.
The teams have to buy tickets to Thailand from a travel agency. Mel and Mike
head out second, followed by Kisha and Jen, then Margie and Luke
. Luke is very excited about Thailand. He and his mother share the whitest high five ever. Kisha and Jen are bombarded with child hawkers in their taxi. I've been to India, and the hawkers are brutal. It's sad, frustrating, annoying and unbearable, all rolled into one.
All the teams make the same flight, which makes everything I've just written unnecessary. The plane sets down in beautiful Phuket. It's hot as balls outside. Mel and Mike struggle to find a taxi. Jaime has the same problem as my friend Tim – when talking to someone foreign, she goes into her “foreign person” talking mode, which means treating them like they're a four-year old.
The cabbies all congregate in the middle of the city and the racers get out and show their pictures to the locals until someone informs them them that the gorilla is at the Phuket Zoo.
Once at the zoo, the Gorilla Clue tells them to take a picture with a tiger at the zoo. The tiger's trainer is missing one arm, which is worrisome. After taking their picture with a tiger, they must take part in an elephant show. What is an elephant show, you ask? It's not like a donkey show. The team members lie down on the ground while a big elephant walks over them. Then, the elephant squats over one of the team members like its about to take a crap.
Once done with the squatting elephants, the teams travel by cab to the Tong Herbs Store. In an asinine challenge, teams have to ask the old Thai man behind the counter to open one of 99 drawers at a time until they find the drawer with a clue.
Mel and Mike went the wrong way, and finally, eventually figure out they're supposed to go to the zoo. Meanwhile, the rest of the teams have finished their zoo tasks. Mel and Mike get their tiger picture. Jaime and Cara yell at the old Herb Man. Mark and Michael
are the first to guess the right drawer.