The Amazing Race
is back. A Dallas Cowboys
cheerleader. Hippie beekeepers. Nerds. Frat kids. An ex-NFL safety. These are the kinds of people who, tonight, will be racing around the world in an attempt to win one million dollars. It is a wonderful race, the likes of which any person would be lucky to be a part of. You should watch the premiere of The Amazing Race 13
instead of football tonight. The Sunday Night NFL game is Philadelphia versus Chicago, which promises to be an ugly, putrid affair. Any time a football team trots out Kyle Orton at QB, entertainment simply vanishes. So, watch The Amazing Race 13 - it's better than Kyle Orton.
Unfortunately, football is delaying tonight's episode by about ten minutes or so. The live blog will begin at around 8:10ET.
Oh, great googily moogily. Andy Rooney says that he couldn't name eight Vice Presidents in our country's history. He's being frighteningly arrogant for a person who is terrible at their job. Calvin Coolidge is Rooney's ideal VP. He calls Palin nice-looking. Not good-looking, nice-looking. He likes Joe Biden. If my brain were to explode, or if I were to spontaneously combust, I'm pretty sure that it will most likely occur during Andy Rooney's 60 Minutes segment.
The teams are being transported to the LA Coliseum in classic cars. We are introduced to the teams:
Toni and Dallas, mother/daughter. Toni has too-gelled hair. It's mildly offensive.
Nick and Starr. Siblings. Starr is a cheerleader, Nick an actor. They have a lot of flair.
Ken and Tina. Estranged husband and wife. Ken played seven years in the NFL.
Aja and Ty. Long-distance couple. Likable.
Marisa and Brooke. Southern belles. Friends. Wearers of pink jumpsuits.
Andrew and Dan. Goofy frat brothers.
Anthony and Stephanie. Long-term couple. Maybe getting married soon.
Anita and Arthur. Old married hippie beekeepers.
Kelly and Christy. Friends, recently divorced.
Terence and Sarah. Newly dating New Yorkers. Potential to be despicable.
Mark and Bill. Older nerds from San Diego.
11 legs, 8 elimination points. The teams get their first clue at the top of the Coliseum stairs. The teams are going to Salvador, Brazil. They drive themselves to LAX. They have two available flights. Oh, it's good to be back.
Driving. Never a big fan of driving scenes. Toni and Dallas begin annoying me. I foresee a trend. Terence is driving, going all side streets. He hates freeways.
One of the frat guys worked in the travel industry. So, maybe that will be an advantage.
Tina HAS NOT forgotten about Ken's cheating ways. Anita and Arthur are remarkably adorable.
Carpool lane? The answer is always yes.
Nick and Starr want to team up with “Mom and Dad,” aka Ken and Tina. Aja and Ty pass up Ken and Tina by using the carpool lane. They are in first place.
Aja and Ty went to the wrong terminal area. Mark and Bill find the correct flag, and they are in first, followed by Ken and Tina. Terence and Sarah soon follow. Mass hysteria!
Ken and Tina are the second on the American flight, the best one. Nick and Starr are next. Aja and Ty also make it. Marisa and Brooke also make it. Andrew and Dan don't make it.
Andrew and Dan start some crap. Nick is not happy. Nick and Starr negotiate an alliance with Ken and Tina. I'll say it again - an alliance rarely does nay good.
The second flight is scheduled to arrive three hours after the first flight.
When the teams get to Salvador, they have to find a coffee shop called O Rei Do Preniel in the middle of the city.
The first flight was delayed an hour and a half. The first batch of teams head out into the city. Mark and Bill make it to the coffee shop first. They get their clue - the teams have to wheel an old school vending cart through the street to the Praca de Se where they'll get their next clue.
Terence and Sarah get the clue second. Terence is horrible. He's got a real attitude. He talks down to Sarah. Ken and Tina and Nick and Starr are next. Aja and Ty follow.
Terence and Sarah get the next clue first. They have to travel by taxi to a Military Base. They will camp out there that night, after receiving one of three departure times the following morning. They are only 30 minutes apart, so it's something of a bottleneck.
Terence and Sarah get the first departure time. Nick and Starr are second, get the first slot. Mark and Bill also get the first departure time.
Kelly and Christy are lost trying to find Ore De Perniel.
Anthony has a constant grin on his face. I like him already.
Kelly and Christy finally find the coffee shop. Andrew and Dan are the first to get to Orei from the second flight. Ken and Tina are the final team in the first departure group.
The hippies continue to be adorable. Aja and Ty are in the second departure group.
Kelly and Christy are followed closely by Andrew and Dan on the way to the military base. Kelly and Christy get their first, are in the second group. Andrew and Dan are the last team in the second departure group.
Toni and Dallas, Marisa and Brooke and Anita and Arthur are in the final group.
Perhaps some sparks between Starr and Dallas.
Terence is really unhappy with Sarah for speaking with the other teams. Really - he's pissed that she was socializing. What an idiot. I really don't like Terence.
The first groups leave. The teams head to the Pelourinho neighborhood. They must find a church to get their next clue.
Ken has a whistle. In case you were wondering.
Sarah is upset that Starr didn't respond to a comment she made. Whatever. The next group leaves that military base. Then the third group.
At Pelourinho, Terence yells at Sarah for running faster than her. They can't find the clue.
Detour: Hard Way Up or Soft Way Down. In the Soft Way Down, teams have to climb an huge stone staircase. At the top, they are asked a mystery question. If they get it wrong, they have to walk it again.
In Soft Way Down, teams have to take a massive elevator up above the city, then climb 240 feet down a massive cargo net. It is preposterously steep and high.
Terence and Sarah are first to the elevator, but they don't go in the correct entrance. They get lost. Nick and Starr get on the cargo net first. Ken and Tina are next. Tina bickers, but they are catching up to Nick and Starr. Terence and Sarah finally find the correct entrance.
Nick and Starr head to the Pit Stop. They have to go to a floating fortress. Ken and Tina are right behind them. Nick and Starr decide to walk. Ken and Tina take an unnecessary.
Terence is a psychopath. While on the cargo net, he doesn't allow Sarah to talk. He forbids her. But it's OK for him to talk. Where did they find this idiot?
Nick and Starr finish first, win a trip to Belize.
Ken and Tina are team number two.
Terence and Sarah finish in third.
Andrew and Dan are the only team to do the stairs. They get to the top on their hands and knees, then are asked how many stairs there were. They guess incorrectly and have to try again. Anita and Arthur lag far behind.
Mark and Bill finish fourth.
Kelly and Christy are team number five. Andrew and Dan climb again, this time counting. Toni and Dallas are team number six. Anita and Arthur are in last, still precious. Andrew and Dan are team number seven. Aja and Ty, team number eight.
Anthony and Stephanie are team number nine. Marisa and Brooke follow closely.
Anita and Arthur are eliminated.
A full recap will be posted later tonight.
-Oscar Dahl, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image Courtesy of CBS)