On the second episode of Survivor: Redemption Island, special agent Phillip continues riding the crazy train, another castaway magically finds an immunity idol with no help and the second coming of Rob and Amber's super powerful Romber alliance is killed before it even gets off the ground. Also, we learn that being a good Christian makes you a bad Survivor player. Meanwhile, Francesca (or is it Fransessqua?) is all alone on Redemption Island.

The Special Agent's 5 Craziest Moments

If you thought you'd seen just how crazy Phillip could be, you ain't seen nothing yet. Here are the very special agent's top five craziest moment's of the week.

-He gives his vote to Boston Rob, apropos of nothing.

-He hunts a crab with a homemade spear in his saggy pink briefs.

-He has an emotional breakdown while talking about his years of service to this country. Because he is a former federal agent. He ends his catharsis with this gem, talking about himself in the third person: "I still love Phillip Sheppard. He's a good guy. And that's OK." He's kind of like Stuart Smalley, but in reality, he's not good enough, he's not smart enough and goshdarnit, people definitely do not like him.

-He has the following conversation with Jeff Probst at the immunity challenge:

Phillip: "It brings out the animal in me! I will outlast any man over there!"
Jeff: "What about the women?"
Phillip: "That's another day. We'll see."

-While giving a speech to his tribe after losing the immunity challenge, he tries to say they performed "gallantly," but it comes out, "gallantrally."

Zapateran Idol

On the winning tribe, Russell does his standard gambit of enlisting Stephanie and Krista as his acolytes while searching for the idol. While he looks high and low, Hillbilly Ralph is just out picking up rocks when he accidentally falls ass-backwards into the idol. They should just remove that whole "outwit" thing from the slogan of Survivor, because witlessness is a real virtue in the game. Not that Ralph getting the idol (or his subsequent fight with Russell about how the villain stole the clue from their reward) matters, because Zapatera wins immunity again in a close one.

Romber 2.0

On Ometepe, student Andrea flirts with Bible Fabio (aka Matt), and Rob instantly wants to put a stop to any potential couples, since he knows firsthand how dominant that can be. While Andrea is the original target, Matt decides to do the Christian thing after losing the immunity challenge and shake the other team's hands.

So Boston Rob brilliantly orchestrates every move his tribe will make, convincing Andrea and Matt that the plan is to split the vote between Kristina and Phillip, flushing out the idol and getting rid of the crazy special agent. But secretly, Boston Rob has an alliance inside his alliance like a Russian nesting doll who will vote out Matt for being a good guy. The only problem is that Phillip is a wild card, but Boston Rob manages to rein him in, because in addition to being the best Survivor player ever, he's also the Crazy Whisperer.

Tribal Council

Phillip talks some nonsense about gorillas and lions, Jeff Probst totally mocks Phillip for his inability to pronounce Fransusquehana's name and Boston Rob sends Phillip a coded message of who to vote for by rubbing Kristina's shoulder. Seriously, I'll admit that I'm relatively new to Survivor, but Boston Rob is exhibiting genius-level skills.

Everything goes exactly as Boston Rob predicted, with Kristina using her idol when she didn't need to. And:

Matt is voted out.

To his credit, Matt is a good Christian even in defeat, in awe of how well he was blindsided. I suspect if you mugged him, he might compliment your industrious nature. Nice guys really do finish last (or at least second-to-last).


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(Image courtesy of CBS)