'Survivor' Recap: Crocodile Tears Will Get You Nowhere
'Survivor' Recap: Crocodile Tears Will Get You Nowhere
Gina Pusateri
Gina Pusateri
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
Is there anything better than the fall-out moment after a controversial tribal council where the villains are the ones who got blindsided? The answer is no, there is nothing better.

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Finally, we get to see Abi and Pete get a taste of their own sneaky medicine. Abi was just as blindsided as Artis was and she can't believe why anyone ever would not stick to her original plan. Umm... maybe it's because everybody hates you?

Lisa tries to salvage any kind of relationship she might have had with Abi by telling her she remained loyal during last tribal council, but Abi is not capable of having a rational conversation and she basically dismisses Lisa. Hopefully this is just what Lisa needs to switch to the other alliance at the next vote.

Reward Challenge

The red team (Malcolm, Abi, Carter and Pete) will compete against the yellow team (Jonathan, Michael, Lisa and Denise). The two teams have to race between three rings to flip over their color drum to the right side while simultaneously making sure the other tribe's drum stays on the wrong side. Whoever gets all three of their drums flipped at once first wins the round, and whichever team gets to three wins first wins reward.

Carter gets the red team off to a quick start by scoring their first point but then the yellow team gets a point after Malcolm accidentally forgets to flip one of Michael's drums back to the wrong side. Lisa scores another point for yellow after Abi fails to grasp the concept of the challenge. Probably because she's been in something like three challenges altogether this season.

The red team makes a comeback and wins reward. They are swept off to another beach where they are treated to massages, manicures, tapas and cocktails. Malcolm puts a ban on strategic talk for the duration of their reward. And then they all toast themselves to being young and hot, except Carter, who doesn't seem to understand what's going on half the time.

After the reward, the red team arrives back at camp and Malcolm has long and flowing hair so healthy it shines. And Abi is super braggy about how much food she ate and how full she was and how wonderful the reward was and blah blah blahhhhh. Note to Abi: EVERYONE HATES YOU. Malcolm is on point once again when he says that Abi has the "social graces of mack truck."

Then, just to prove that it wasn't impossible, Abi does something that makes her tribe's disdain for her grow even more. She suddenly announces that she is done helping around camp and done cooking, and she would really appreciate it if everyone just kept her fed for the next couple of days without contributing anything herself. All hail Queen Abi. Girl is insufferable.

Malcolm approaches Michael and tells him that he wants it to be them, Lisa and Denise in the final four, but Lisa doesn't trust Malcolm as much as she trusts Jonathan. So she approaches Jonathan about making a final four alliance between them and Carter and Michael. Jonathan shuts her down, saying that he wants to get rid of Abi and Pete and then play it by ear.

Lisa would rather take the sure thing at this point, and her and Michael agree to a four-way alliance with Malcolm and Denise. This could be a real turning point in the game for Jonathan if those four do stick it out until the end.

Immunity Challenge

The challenge is for the survivors to maneuver a buoy through a tangled rope on a post to make it through the first round. The first five to untangle their buoy go on to the second round.

Malcolm finishes first followed by Jonathan. Denise, Michael and Carter follow which immediately eliminates the two people who actually needed immunity: Abi and Pete. So sad. Not really.

The second round is to untangle the buoy while getting across a balance beam. Michael is the first one through and then Carter and Denise follow. The three of them go to the next round.

For the final leg of the race, the three remaining castaways have to swim out to untangle their buoys from around a boat. All three of them are very even until Carter comes out with a bit of a lead when he reaches the checkpoint platform. Michael catches up with him on the platform, but gets caught up at the final knot so Carter wins immunity. Carter is the tall blonde one with a dopey face, in case you forgot he existed because he barely speaks.

The plan back at camp is for everyone who is not apart of the crumbling Evil Empire to split their votes between Abi and Pete in case Abi plays her idol. But Pete and Abi aren't going to take their imminent vote-off lying down.

They concoct a plan to vote for Malcolm and get everyone else they can to vote for Malcolm too. Everybody shuts them down, telling them that they are basically doomed. Except for Michael, who seemed iffy about making an alliance with Malcolm in the first place. He tells Pete he will consider the plan.

Tribal Council

Of course immediately upon seeing Artis, Abi makes love-eyes at him and blows kisses in his direction. Jeff calls her out for sucking up to the jury, but Malcolm says jury management isn't as much of a concern at this point in the game as actually staying in the game is.

Abi then goes on to say that the reason she is not well-liked around camp is because English is not her first language and at times she can seem rough around the edges. Oh I see, she has a great attitude when she's speaking Spanish, but when she's being a terrible person, her greatness is just being lost in translation. Makes so much sense.

But it doesn't make sense to Denise, who calls Abi out for basically being selfish, rude and lazy. Preach, Denise! The two go at it for a while, and Abi continues to prove Denise's point for her by constantly interrupting while simultaneously fake-crying and playing the victim. Jeff points out that Abi would be a good person to bring to the end because no one in their right mind would give this nut a million dollars. But Denise says she would rather play the game with good people, and basically infers that Abi is evil because, well, she is.

Abi votes for Malcolm, which comes as somewhat of a surprise considering that she did not decide to vote for Denise as a personal vendetta. She does play her idol as well, and in the end, Michael sticks to the original plan and they get rid of Pete. Just knowing that Abi's days are numbered on this show gives me reason to be extra thankful this Thanksgiving. Not to mention, I'm sure she'll make a better jury member than actual player.

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(Image courtesy of CBS)

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