'Survivor' Recap: Outwit, Outplay, God's Will
'Survivor' Recap: Outwit, Outplay, God's Will
Edna's gone, to Redemption Island, and Albert is still antsy. But everyone is still everything they were. Coach is still in charge, Sophie is still quietly dominating, Brandon is still a loose cannon, and Rick is still ancillary. But there they are, the final five.

"We've been talking about it since day one," they note, congratulating each other. Everyone hugs, forgetting temporarily that it's time to betray one another. Coach knows that there are no more alliances, though. It seems like Rick is the next logical choice to go (or Brandon!), but Albert has been scheming some more. He talks to Sophie for a bit, then mugs for the camera,

"If only she knew she's next!" Albert says, planning what he considers to be the biggest blindside of the whole game. But why Sophie? Oh, probably because she's amazing, a physical threat, and anyone on the jury would vote for her. But look out, Albert, I think Sophie is smarter than you.

Albert is smart enough to know Sophie is a threat, though. Rick has no discernible personality, and absolutely no one would vote for Brandon. But Albert is playing every single side, foolishly, telling everyone they are going to the end with him. He's been playing too aggressively for my taste, trying to win everyone over at the same time.

Ozzy and Edna will now duel. It's another puzzle challenge, forcing the players to complete a slide puzzle for a hatchet, then stack cubes so that no color repeats on any of the four sides of the puzzle. Ozzy is first to release his hatchet as Edna keeps working away at the slide puzzle. Albert helps her from the sidelines.

Ozzy has opted to place the cubes, then solve the puzzle, while Edna is working on the cubes outside of the puzzle fram. The Te Tuna tribe is working together to help Edna, everyone except Coach, that is. Edna thought she had it, asks for a check, but not quite. Ozzy completes the puzzle and wins the duel. Man, it would have been so major if Edna had won, though.

Ozzy heads back to his island paradise to await a new duel. Back at camp, Albert admits he does not care about honor and integrity. You know who does? Brandon! He cares SO MUCH. Why is everyone keeping Coach and Albert in this, though? Albert is a scrambling mess.

"This is fate, man," Brandon tells Albert. Meanwhile, Sophie identifies Ozzy as the most dangerous player in the game. Ozzy sees every single person before they go to the jury, and he is there to comfort them and learn their secrets. Sophie called it "Ozzy's Pleasure Dome." She sees Brandon as a dangerous character as well, and suggests that they pit them against each other to eliminate at least one of them.

Albert wants Sophie out, though. He approaches Coach, asking for confirmation on Sophie, but Coach likes Sophie. She's smart, she's savvy, and Coach believes that Brandon would garner more jury votes. Then Brandon walked over, and pissed Coach off even more. Coach tells Brandon that he's being a bully, and he's acting like a real ... a real HANTZ. It hurt Brandon's feelings. Brandon requests that they hug it out.

But Coach met Brandon's father, and it made him even more sure he should vote out Brandon. Coach was confessing all of this to the cameras, when Brandon crept up behind him with a piece of coconut.

"Cheer up, brother, everything is in God's hands," Brandon says, offering Coach his coconut meat. The whole moment could not have been more annoying to Coach.

For the immunity challenge, there will be lots of rope climbing and puzzle assembling. The winner gets pizza, soda, and garlic bread! I would play for that right now I love pizza so much. Brandon is in the lead, getting his bags down first. Albert is doing the worst at bag collecting.

Brandon and Rick are the first to their tables, followed shortly by Coach. If you thought Rick was useless or had no experience with ropes, you were wrong! Sophie and Albert are way behind, and Brandon is doing a really good job matching those pieces. Just when he needed it, Brandon wins immunity. How completely damning. And he gets PIZZA?!

Brandon gets to choose one person to eat pizza with, and he chooses Rick. His dad told him to play with his heart, and he says his heart tells him to eat pizza with the cowboy. Why? Well, yeehaw nonetheless.

Coach believes divine intervention was involved. It was not Brandon's Time. He is pissed, but also at peace with it.

Pizza delivery guy on a jet ski!? As Brandon and Rick enjoy pizza, Sophie and Coach agree that Albert should go. He's getting annoying and way too strategic. Sophie goes "to smell the pizza" and they all agree on Albert, too. Brandon doesn't like him because he doesn't tell the truth, and Rick knew it was BS when Albert said "me and you to the end."

"I think Albert's a swell guy, but the Bible says that when you sin, your sins will be shouted from the rooftops," Brandon says. And Brandon will be the one to get to that rooftop first. He confronts Albert about the final three talk, and Albert outright lies about agreeing to take Rick to the end. Sophie just watches silently, until she pushes Albert down a bit more. Albert scrambled so hard, and made a final effort to win Brandon back over.

"I feel like your heart is closed to me, man," Albert says, appealing to Brandon's sensitive, forgiving nature. I'm not a Brandon fan, but I don't like to see someone take advantage of Brandon like this. Brandon decides to stick with Albert, because he has had a forgiving change of heart. He offers Albert his immunity necklace, if he needs to.

THEN, Brandon appealed to Coach with forgiveness. Oh, God. Coach is struggling, because this has never been such a moral, religious game until this season. "I honestly believe this is what God wants us to do," Brandon tells Coach. "No, this is what God wants you to do," Coach corrects him. Coach agrees to go pray, and ask God what to do if Brandon gives Albert the immunity necklace.

Coach heard a name in his head over and over again. Who is it? WHO DID GOD GIVE TO COACH TO SACRIFICE?

Immediately, Brandon gives Albert his necklace. Like, within the first minute of tribal council. Everyone on the jury looks surprised. Like Jesus, Brandon sacrificed himself for Albert's sins. We got a glimpse into Brandon's past, and his tattoos, but like Cochran, I was bored with it.

Albert gave some bullsh*t about how he feels a stronger bond than this game with Brandon and so on and so forth. Rick revealed that Coach has the hidden immunity idol, which everyone on the tribe knew, but not everyone on the jury.

"Albert said he would give him back the necklace if he thought he was in trouble," Rick points out. And Albert is in a really bad position, because Brandon IS in trouble! Albert will not return the necklace, and if I were on that tribe, I would vote for Brandon just to make Albert look bad. Brandon admits that he is not at peace, and it might be his night to go.

The drama of it all when scruples and the Lord are involved! Rick holds up his vote for Brandon, saying, "dumb move." So, who did God tell Coach to vote for? Brandon probably, right?

Two votes Brandon, Two votes Sophie. And the final vote goes to ... BRANDON. It was the Lord's will, I guess.

"It's God's will. Go win redemption," Coach says, hugging Brandon. Damn! What a twist!

(image courtesy of CBS)

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