Mary Murphy is a judge on So You Think You Can Dance, playing Paula Abdul to Nigel Lythgoe's Simon Cowell. However, as annoying as you think Paula Abdul is, the former cheerleader has nothing on the devastating presence that is Ms. Murphy. Why is she so bad? Well, here are a few of the reasons.
1. She is an Idiot Mary Murphy has, week in and week out, made confounding comment after confounding comment regarding the performances on So You Think You Can Dance. Last week, she called Musa and Natalie's sexy and exciting Hip/Hop routine a "strikeout". A strikeout? Really? This ignorant comment may have been the catalyst in the elimination of Musa on the following episode. She continues to simply disagree with Nigel on principle, forgoing so much as a shred of logic to back her opinions up. 2. Her Voice has Killed Babies This is only a hypothesis, but it seems likely. Mary's screeching voice is the stuff of legends. It is the portal through which Satan communicates. It is a black hole that steals our innocence and corrupts our youth. When she yells, days are taken off my life and my cynicism towards the world grows. 3. She May be Boozing Heavily During the Show Have you seen the unmarked drink she regularly pounds during episodes? Is it a mere coincidence that she tends to get louder and stupider as the show goes on? I think not. How can the producers of So You Think You Can Dance allow this? I am usually a supporter of drinking on live television, but sometimes you just have to draw the line. 4. She has Been Known to Display Old-Woman Cleavage This tendency has been curbed in recent episodes, but the image of Mary Murphy in a low-cut dress has been forever seared into my retina. It will never leave me, as long as I live. 5. She is Making My Brain Hurt So You Think You Can Dance is, maybe, the most surprisingly entertaining and captivating show in years. However, the awesome feelings that the incredible dance routines fill us with are halted, in a screeching manner, when the camera pans to Mary Murphy. As much as I try, I cannot get through one of her unbearable critique sessions without wanting to desperately punch a hole in my wall. SHE IS THAT BAD. I don't care who you replace her with, FOX. Anyone who has ever danced and can speak a little English. That would be better. My 15-year-old sister would make more intelligent comments. Just fire her, please. The fate of the world depends on it. -Lawrence Lavik (To Discuss This Issue, Click Here to Go to Our Forums. Defenders of Mary Murphy, Speak Up. Let us Hear Your Inherently Flawed Arguments.)