Kneel Before Major Zod
Speaking of Kryptonians, Zod is chilling at Luthor Manor where he and his soldier buddies are holding Tess hostage.  Yeah, it turns out the Orb released a lot more than just Zod, it released a whole army of psycho Krypto bad asses.  Unfortunately none of them have the foggiest idea how they got there or why their special powers aren't working, and because there's chaos, they've revolted against the newly demoted Major Zod and, instead of kneeling before him, they kick his ass.

That all stops once he and Tess form a super secret alliance and work together to play some mind games and trick the other Kryptonians into following Zod once again.  But it was actually a double or possibly a triple reversal, as Tess meant to be a hostage the whole time in order to study these Kryptonians and learn what they want.

At least I think that's what happened.  Honestly, this whole subplot was way too confusing, especially if it's meant to introduce us to Zod and the new major storyline of the season.  Also I was distracted by the show's newest man candy, Callum Blue, who looks exactly like a buffer version of David Tennant, aka Doctor Who.


A Deluxe Apartment in the Sky
In a much easier to understand storyline, Chloe is sad that all her Justice League pals are gone, Clark isn't calling her, her husband is dead and so is her part-time lover/evil monster Davis.  Now she just wanders around the giant penthouse Jimmy bought her in last season's finale, which is an even better Watchtower.  Chloe is now packing heat and striking deals with Oliver's doctor friend who specializes in meteor freaks.

It turns out he still controls Oliver's money, so he hooks up Chloe with a premium home entertainment package that includes about 75 computers, 100 TV monitors, and probably surround sound.  Not only do I wish I was Chloe, but I wish this entire show was about Chloe and they renamed it Watchtower.


The First Rule of Fight Club
Last but certainly not least is Oliver Queen, who feels bad about last season so he decides to inflict pain on himself by letting big burly men beat the crap out of him in a steel cage.  It's exactly what Ryan did after Marissa died on The O.C.

However, this is fine with me because the first rule of Smallville's Fight Club is that you're not allowed to wear a shirt in Fight Club, so Oliver spends his one scene in the episode shirtless and sweaty.  However, a quick stop by Lois, posing as a ring girl and looking sexier as ever, snaps him out of his funk, as it would for any red-blooded man.  These two are like Brad and Jennifer, two insanely hot people who sadly can't make it work.

 
Lois Lane's Crazy Dream
The episode ends with Lois trying to go to bed, still reeling from her connection with the Red Blue Blur and the fact that she has no idea where she's been for the past three weeks.  But once she closes her eyes, memories flood back to her from her time in the future.  IIt goes by quickly and there are a ton of quick cuts and rapid camera movements, but here's what I think happened:

-There's a new superhero in town, and instead of an "S" on his chest, it's a "Z" for Zod.
-Tess is inducted into the Krypto Army.
-Chloe runs and then she's dead.
-Oliver digs a hole in the hot sun, and for some strange reason he's wearing a shirt.
-Lois and Clark make sweet, crazy love on satin sheets.

Overall, I'd say the future looks pretty great, except for that whole dead Chloe thing.


Next week on Smallville: It's all about Brian Austin Green as John Corben turns into Metallo!


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-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of the CW)