Relationships are tricky business, particularly if you're either a rich and famous Hollywood star or a fictional character. In Shipping News each week, I'll break down for you the three most note-worthy (to me!) relationships -- i.e. ships -- o' the week into the Tip-Top Ship Shape (for the best ship of the week), That Ship Has Sailed (for romances that fell apart) and You Sunk My Relation Ship (for the most devastating moment in a romance we're shipping for). Got a duo you're totally shipping for? Drop me a line in the comments, and you may see them featured here.

Tip-Top Ship Shape: Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo and Jessica Simpson & Eric Johnson


Granted, some peeps may be calling shenanigans on the fact that former Newlyweds Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's engagements to their respective significant others, former VJ Vanessa Minnillo and NFL player Eric Johnson, just happened to fall within a week of each other (with Lachey scoring the proverbial "FIRST!" comment on the message board of life). But I, for one, am glad these two kinda dull crazy kids are finally settling down -- again.

And if you need something to melt the cynicism off your cold heart, just take this little walk down memory lane:


That Ship Has Sailed: Eva Longoria & Tony Parker


Oh, Eva and Tony. Gazing at this formerly happy (I think) couple on the cover of the ripped-in-half-looking US Weekly brings a little tear to my eye (possibly because they also sort of ripped her hand in half, which looks painful). I was totally rooting for this Desperate Housewife and French b-baller. But something makes me think that Parker's unfaithfulness via sexting isn't Tiger Woods 2.0 and that it might not be the only thing to push this duo apart. I have a hunch that these two might in fact be the swinging Secretia Ohio and Chester Shorts-Off of Ted Casablanca's Blind Vice infamy. The E! Online Gossip columnist did just recently confirm that both have naughty Vice-worthy secrets to hide.  

Not interested in rehashing the goss? Then enjoy this moment of happier times for Eva and Tony, when summer lovin' had an altogether different meaning for the pair:


You Sunk My Relation Ship: Chuck and Sarah, Chuck

 
In the words of another BuddyTV writer, "I'm shipping so hard for them!" Which is why it was such a blow to their relationship and our fragile hearts this week when Sarah told Chuck he's not a real spy. Why is this so bad, you ask?

1) It proves that, on some level, she doesn't believe in him. Chuck is super-insecure about this and had, just one episode prior, gotten her to say she would believe in him, no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT, SARAH.
 
2) It's a sign of Sarah's misgivings about having a relationship with another spy. Sarah, listen to Madonna! Open your heart to me him.
 
3) It shows that Sarah thinks of herself as superior to Chuck in a way that he totally obsesses about.
 
4) Chuck wants to be a spy, so having that questioned shakes his confidence like crazy. And having it questioned by the person he loves makes him question himself -- or he will, rather, once he gets free from the clutches of the evil Belgian who wants to rip secrets out of Chuck's head, possibly by rendering him brain dead. In which case, Sarah telling him he's not a spy isn't so bad now, is it?

Now go get the rest of your Chuck fill by checking out the recap from this fateful episode.

(Images courtesy of WENN and NBC)