Opening Statement (Oscar Dahl)

Let's get this out of the way. Sarah Jessica Parker has a great body. Or, at least, she did in her younger years. But, to be hot, we must consider the entire package. The face, if wholly unattractive, is a deal-breaker. We will get into more depth on that later, but a person's face is the most important factor when debating their relative hotness (well, weight is probably more important, but is also something that can be remedied). Sarah Jessica Parker, in a lot of ways, has become a symbol. As the star of the female population's favorite television show ever (the horribly overrated series Sex and the City, which features four totally unlikable characters in a comedy that isn't particularly funny), she is an icon of ladies the world over. As such, she has been deemed, for better or worse, acceptably hot for boyfriends and husbands by girlfriends and wives. Women have decided that it is reasonable for men to say that Parker is hot, even if all evidence points to the contrary. In a lady's mind, for a man to say Parker is hot means that he respects smart women, untraditional women. It means that maybe pure looks isn't everything, that personality and intelligence can override pure beauty. Unfortunately, it cannot. Especially when the woman in question looks like a horse.


Opening Statement (Debbie Chang)

This question seems to spur intense debate, and I've found that most people land on the side of "Not Hot."

I've just finished reading Freakonomics, and I now know the value in deeply probing topics that might seem superficially inane. So the question I pose to you is: why don't people think SJP is hot?

I've taken an informal poll, and the two most popular reasons that most people cite for thinking that SJP is not hot are: (1) equine facial features, and (2) annoying personality.

Let me address the second point first. "Hot" is a description of one's physical appearance. There should be no factor at all for personality or intelligence. Yes, I do think that her Sex and the City character, Carrie Bradshaw, is one of the most annoying characters ever to appear on television. I would rather do my taxes, have a root canal, and clean my bathroom than watch Carrie hem and haw about Big while shopping for Manolos and writing punnily irritating columns about love and dating. Besides, Sarah Jessica Parker is not Carrie Bradshaw, so it's artificial and silly to assume that they are one and the same. (When SJP guest-judged on Project Runway last season, I found her to be very charming and genuine, so even if you do take personality into account, it would only give her a boost.)

So. Now. That brings us to the first most oft-cited reason, her horse-face. There is a French term, jolie laide, which means "pretty-ugly," that describes a woman who has an unconventional beauty. Jolie laide celebrates the off-kilter: perhaps a crooked mouth, overly wide-set eyes, or, as in Sarah Jessica Parker's case, a large, horsey nose. It speaks to the complicated rules underlying true aesthetics, emphasizing the substantive over the superficial, and it is much more than merely being pretty. Pretty women are a dime a dozen, but the truly hot ones are rare. Even F. Scott Fitzgerald concluded, "After a certain degree of prettiness, one pretty girl is as pretty as another." SJP has a complicated beauty that differentiates her from the legions of bland blonds in Hollywood.

In the end, however, I think Kevin Malone (Brian Baumgartner, The Office) of Dunder Mifflin has the right idea when he said, "A painting can be beautiful, but I don't want to bang a painting." Sarah Jessica Parker has a slammin' bod and beautiful, complicated face that is unlike any other, and I would most certainly bang her.


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