'The Bachelor' Recap: Sean (Sort of) Tells All
'The Bachelor' Recap: Sean (Sort of) Tells All
Bill King
Bill King
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
It's less than a week after Valentine's Day, and love still lingers in the air. Sean Lowe has narrowed down his choices to three lovely women, all of whom have told him they're falling for him and one who shouted her love proclamation from atop a chair to the good people of a small deserted island in St. Croix. So what better way to kill the mood than a two-day, hour-long extra episode of The Bachelor in which Sean describes in detail why he didn't like any of the ladies he already sent home.

It's a special The Bachelor: Sean Tells All, but he can't really tell us much, because he's legally obligated not to reveal anything that hasn't happened yet. So while we've been watching for the last seven weeks, so has Sean. And now, he's here to tell us what we already know that he thought he knew before but didn't really know until he watched himself: That Tierra is crazy.

And while I do think he'll do a fair share of Tierra bashing, I also believe Sean will keep up his give-the-benefit-of-the-doubt mentality to some degree. He'll acknowledge he didn't see what was going on, but I think he'll stop short of the Mean Girls-attitude some of the ladies displayed towards this season's villain. So sit back, relax and enjoy a very special edition of The Bachelor: Sean Tells Us Some Stuff We Already Knew and Then Shows Us Previously Unseen Footage of the Women Acting Crazy. It should be a good one.

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A Fireside Chat with Chris Harrison

Sean is prepping for his romantic overnight dates with AshLee, Lindsay and Catherine. He says he's looking forward to the alone time so he can get away from the cameras and "find out if they have anything they really need to tell him." Yeah, cause that's what the fantasy suite is for. Confiding. 

Speaking of which, Sean divulges his reasoning for sending Desiree home. Her brother questioned everything that is important to Sean, including his character and integrity. He was unprepared for the situation, and he really wanted to hit Nate. But since he's not violent, especially on television, he just walks away. But what we didn't see was Sean's first encounter with Nate, when they got along swimmingly and Nate called him a cool dude. So nothing really made any sense, which is why the producers chose not to show it.

Sean admits that Nate affected his decision to send Desiree packing, but says there were other parts of their relationship that were lacking compared to the other women. Still, he thought about changing his mind all the way through Desiree's desperate pleas, but the idea of sending anyone else home in her place was a worse scenario. Poor Des. 

Forgetting Sarah Herron

Sean was immediately taken with one-armed Sarah, drawn in by her strength in overcoming adversity (and good-natured overall hotness). She struggled with the roller derby date and other physical activities, and Sean constantly went out of his way to reassure her. But it was the kiss that led to her undoing. She talked about her family, which was a bit overwhelming for him, and then she laid a kiss on him that he says just lacked passion. 

He instantly knew she wasn't his wife, and he had to let her down easy before she got even more emotionally involved. Her goodbye was heartbreaking, but everyone is wishing her the best. And for someone who will love her BECAUSE she's the nice girl, and not break up with her in spite of it.

Selma, Sexual Tension and Record-Breaking Kisses

Selma refused to kiss Sean because of her Muslim background, but that didn't stop her from parading her boobs around town, jumping into Sean's arms and wrapping her legs around him.  Chris points out their crazy sexual tension and shows us previously unseen footage of Eskimo kisses, cheek rubs and eyelash smooches in place of actual lip contact, then we get to revisit the awkward kiss Selma planted on him the night she left. But at that point, he had already come to the conclusion she wasn't his wife. But he still let her shame her family on national television before sending her home.

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From the woman who wouldn't kiss to the woman who kissed too much, Lesley M. and Sean are now in the record books for longest on-screen kiss until someone else decides to let people make out continuously on TV for 4 minutes. Their lips-always-pressed-together kiss mimicked Selma's quicky-smooch in that it didn't look enjoyable. The clip of them attempting them to talk dirty while feeding each other cookies just reinforces Sean's squeaky-clean image, because he tells her she made it filthy and took it too far for saying, "Stick it in my mouth."

Lesley was about to drop an L-bomb on him on their last date, but she chickened out and instead suggests they pick more fruit. He admits that if she had gone through with it, it might have been the game changer that kept her around a lot longer. But it wasn't meant to be.

I Guess We Have to Talk About Tierra

Of course we do! It's all anyone really cares about, especially now that we've talked about the only other four people anyone wondered about. No one was sitting here thinking, gee, I hope he talks about Jackie, the three models and Robyn. It took Sean actually having his sister around before he followed her advice against ending up with a girl who couldn't get along with the other women. The AshLee-Tierra battle that took place simultaneously and the ensuing tears finally opened Sean's eyes, and he sent Tierra packing.

After watching along, Sean thinks he was a fool who was duped. He says Tierra never should've gone on the show, because she's not suited for and doesn't know how to handle herself in that kind of environment. In hindsight, he wishes he would've kept Jackie on the two-on-one date (I guess we do care about her. She was hot, too.) 

Montana was the worst week of the season, because Sean saw all the girls focusing on Tierra instead of him, and it took its toll on everyone. He got his first taste of it all when he walked in on Tierra arguing with Robyn (are the models next?), but what America didn't see was that the fight apparently went on for hours. It involved all the girls ganging up on Tierra over her flirting with a guy in the airport, and kudos to Catherine for trying to avoid the drama. In the end, Sean is thankful it didn't go further than it did, and that no other women were kicked off to keep Tierra around. 

Unseen Footage You Can('t) Miss

Chris Harrison promises it's what we'll all be talking about tomorrow. First up is Fifty Shades of Crazy Ashley P. Not only did she want Sean to BDSM the crap out her with a necktie, she also apparently told Sean the SAME STORY over and over again. But then again, she was trashed. 

Catherine apparently made a habit of passing secret nerd notes to Sean, including one that read "Sean, I have a major crush on you. Catherine. P.S. Your arms are hairless. I dig that." She also broke the tension on the on the glacier date by cramming herself in the wheel well of the ice bus tire. It's hilarious and endearing, and I find myself liking Catherine more and more as the season progresses. And to think, I didn't even find that attractive in the beginning. Not so anymore.

Daniella apparently does a killer Chris Harrison impersonation, and Sean and Lindsay went crowd surfing in Whitefish with the whole town carrying them. It doesn't get any better that that for the residents of Whitefish. 

Overnight Sneak Peak

Sean is about to embark on the intimate overnight dates in Thailand, and Chris asks him what he expects in the fantasy suite. He kindly tells America to mind its collective business, which seems appropriate for someone falling in love with one of 26 women in front of our very eyes. Yeah, now's the time to demand privacy. 

With only two episodes left, Sean gets cozy with AshLee, Catherine and Lindsay (who really knows how to wear a bikini). There will be spelunking, boat rides, beach kisses and edible worms. Catherine also seemingly rejects a trip to the fantasy suite. In the end, Sean picks his future wife and is confident in his choice, before he is thrown for some kind of curve ball in the form of a letter. Stay tuned. 

I don't know about you, but my mind was sufficiently blown by all the bombshell info we learned tonight. I particularly enjoyed the gratuitous Sean-in-the-shower footage that ended the show, and I can't wait until they do the same thing with whomever is the next Bachelorette (Please?). 

What did you think of the Sean Tells All special? Do you think Catherine's apparently conservative nature will cost her a spot in the final two? Or were her chances slim to begin with? Which of the three remaining ladies do you think will be eliminated next?

You can watch The Bachelor every Monday at 8pm on ABC. 

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(Image courtesy of ABC)