RuPaul's Drag Race returned to LOGO last night, more sickening than ever. SO sickening, in fact, that a full recap of the fierceness would take months to write and days to read. Eleganza overload!

(If you haven't watched it yet, you should probably -- nay, you MUST -- take an hour and watch the premiere.)

So, this season, we're breaking down the episodes by superlatives, and awarding the queens "Werk Awards" for their shining achievements every week. And which of Ru's season 4 queens showed the most charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent in last night's "RuPolcalyptic" premiere? Condragulations to ...

Queen of the Underworld/Underdogs/Our Lives: Sharon Needles
This week's challenge winner was absolute goth perfection realness. From her description of her post-apocalyptic ensemble ("Linda Hamilton in Beauty Beast trapped under the city because of an impending dust cloud") to the execution that hinged upon a mouth full of blood, Sharon took it to a whole 'nother level. When it comes to wacky, envelope-pushing ensembles, she makes Lady Gaga look like a soccer mom. What terrifying and fabulous creation will she come up with next? She's sickening, and we're obsessed.

Queen of Completely Not Understanding the Challenge, But Winning in Our Hearts Anyway: Kenya Michaels
Kenya took the term "post-apocalyptic" loosely, and showed up as a beautiful pristine phoenix without a hint of toxic wasteland on her. Is she a free-thinking free spirit, or did the language gap cause this Puerto Rican cutie to mishear the assignment? Either way, we're rooting for her and can't wait to see what magical misunderstanding she displays on the runway next.

Queen of the Chocolate Factory: Kenya Michaels
Because she's the most beautiful Oompa Loompa we've ever seen!

Queen of Unsullied Post-Apocalyptic Whites: The Princess
Screw Absolut! The Princess and her perfectly bleached sailor wear would be the perfect spokesmodel for Tide. They still need spokesmodels in Waterworld, right?

Queen of Celebrating: Madame LaQueer
She was so excited to hear about this season's prize money that she wanted to "pee on the floor and start doing flip-flops!"

Queen of Attitude: Latrice Royale
Large and in charge. Chunky yet funky. Not even jail can slow her down or deter her spirit. She's "Latrice Motherf*ckin' Royale"! And we love this big, beautiful, bowl-you-over-with-her-hilarity queen already.

Queen of Language: Lashauwn Beyond
The queen who brought us "post-apockolocktick" also brought the fiercest shade in this week's episode of Untucked when she told Jiggy Caliente, "I'm not here to make best buddies, bitch! This is NOT RuPaul's Best Friend Race!"

Queen of Shade: Phi Phi O'Hara
If Phi Phi couldn't judge, criticize, complain or brag, she'd be a mute. She may be phierce, but she's also pretty damn phull of herself. 

Queen of the Lookalikes: Chad Michaels
She's renowned for her Cher, but we think Chad Michaels could do a whole slew of celebrity impersonations! Like Donatella Versace. Or Melanie Griffith. Or Jocelyn Wildenstein! Basically anyone with a crazy cheek implant.

Queen of Looking Like the Old Garbage Dump Woman in Labyrinth: Jiggly Caliente
Jiggly showed up on the runway looking like a portable Hoarders episode. And it reminded us of the original HBICOCHWLOHB (Head bitch in charge of carrying her whole life on her back):

Queen of the Actual Dump: Sharon Needles
Sharon shared with the class that she's "literally" gone to the dump before, found bags of trash, duct taped them to herself, and then ripped the bags open and let the trash fall out during her show. So ... wherrrrre can we get tickets again?

Queen of the Snappy Comeback: Sharon Needles
We loved Sharon's response to Ru when she said they met at the free clinic: "I stopped going, it was too expensive." And her responses to the zombies ("God, it's like a family reunion!") had us rolling. Sassy is old hat. Stupid is IN!

Queen of the Actual Comeback: Jiggly Caliente
Her LSFYL (Lipsync for Your Life) was a vision. A vision of, as one of her fellow queens said, "a Christmas tree getting thrown out the window." Her outfit was ridiculous, but her dance moves were insaaane! (See above.) She earned that "Shauntay, you stay."