Rock of Love

Previous on Rock of Love 2: Peyton was sent home because apparently she didn't get enough “FACE TIME!” and Catherine was eliminated in spite of being the only age appropriate woman for Bret in two seasons. Only seven remain, and without a new Saturday Night Live sketch, my interest in this show is waning again.

The challenge for this episode is for the girls to perform a “talent” show for veterans and active military personal, a sort of mock USO. show. Haven't these troops been through enough? Bret Michaels is proud to say he's just come back from Iraq where he performed for the troops. As cheesy and kind of perverted he is on Rock of Love, I have to respect him for that.

Bret employs the assistance of Joan and Shirley, two feisty old ladies who've been doing USO shows for more than 50 years. Active seniors are so adorable. There will be three duos, and one solo performance. Megan and Jessica team up, and their “talent” is hula hooping while reciting the preamble to the Constitution. It's just 52 words long, and while Jessica seems to already know it, Megan hasn't even heard of half the words, like “posterity.”

Elsewhere, Destiney and Inna decide to do a little dance number, though Destiney constantly laughs through rehearsals. Kristy Joe and Ambre do a sort of comedy/tap dance routine. Daisy gets the solo, and will sing “The Star-Spangled Banner.” This borders on being an act of terrorism.

Comedian Bil Dwyer (who is very funny) comes out to host “Bret Michaels' Rockin' U.S.O.ish Style Show.” That sounds about right. Dwyer mocks Rock of Love's mere existence, then introduces Stars and Taps. Ambre actually has some tap dancing skills, but Kristy Joe looks like, as Bret himself put it, “a monkey on crack.”

Second is Hula Hoops for our Troops, and they come out to do a little strip tease before they start. The veterans seem to like it. Then they hula hoop, and they've wisely split the recitation of the preamble in half. That way, Megan only had to memorize about 20 words. The Rock of Love Rockets are next, and during their dance, Destiney and Inna turn it into a trashy strip show. Bil Dwyer saves it by making a joke about how they could've used a pole, but thankfully didn't because it's holding up the American flag.

Finally, Daisy sings the national anthem. Jessica notices two problems: she's tone deaf, and she doesn't know the lyrics. But other than that, Mr. Lincoln, how was the play? Somehow Daisy manages to struggle despite holding a copy of the lyrics on stage with her. By the applause of the audience, the clear winners are Megan and Jessica.

That night, Bret makes everyone a nice dinner. That is quickly ruined when he asks point blank which girls are there for the right reasons, and which are there for the wrong reasons. So he's literally asking them to voice accusations in front of each other, what a weak, pathetic move. After lots of stalling, Ambre finally throws Kristy Joe under the bus for being fake. Somehow Destiney gets involved and has a shouting match with Kristy Joe. Are you happy now, Bret? Kristy Joe cries and has doubts about staying in the mansion (again), but Bret talks her out of it (again). The next day, Ambre apologizes.

On the date, Bret takes Megan and Jessica to some clothing shop to buy some customized shirts. Megan mocks the fact that Jessica doesn't rely solely on her looks to coerce men into doing anything she wants. At lunch, they unite to throw Inna to the wolves because she yelled at one of the USO ladies.

Rock of Love 2 Elimination Time! It comes down to Kristy Joe and Inna, and Bret's main criteria is to see if he's ever felt emotionally “disattached” to one of them. Based on the fact that he just made up a word, I'm assuming Daisy or Megan will win the whole thing. He calls down Inna, but in a surprise switcheroo, she's asked to leave. Note to all future Rock of Love contestants (and we all know there will be more seasons): do not yell at old ladies.

Next week on Rock of Love: VH1 is preempting the show yet again, but in two weeks, we're back to see the girls making a music video (or in Daisy's case, an audition tape for amateur porn).


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)