This week in Rock of Love Charm School, the ladies learn all about business. If you think this will be like a trashy episode of The Apprentice, think again. The ladies must manage and present a band after getting a brief tutorial in business.

According to the Charm School music mogul, there are only two things you need to do to be a successful manager: follow your gut and be a leader. If that second one seems particularly vague, it's because it is. Regardless, the remaining 10 girls break up into two teams to cast their bands and pick a song, outfits and a band name.

Brandi C.'s Band - Chosen
Because she does well with simple instructions, Brandi C. thinks she can be the band manager. She gets Heather to pick the wardrobe for their band, the tone-deaf and musically-retarded Jessica to be the musical director, and Inna and Megan to bitch over creative decisions. In picking their band, they go for only hot guys, specifically those willing to take their shirts off during the auditions. I suspect this is just what Brandi C. thinks a casting call is supposed to be like since that's probably how she got into porn.

The lead singer is a cool chick named Maura, and since "America the Beautiful" is the only song on the playlist Jessica recognizes, the band performs that one. Heather goes for a cheesy, patriotic look with lots of red, white and blue. Unfortunately, her outfit for Maura is a skintight mini-jumpsuit. As many girls repeatedly say, the only thing it emphasizes is the camel toe. It's so bad that even Riki Rachtman can't take his eyes off it.

Destiney's Band - Addiction
Because she was so good at speaking last week, Destiney is the band manager. Lacey is appropriately chosen as the musical director since she tours with her band and Dallas is the stylist. They pick band members who look more like a freak show at the carnival (including Charles, Daisy De La Hoya's ex-boyfriend from Rock of Love 2).

In the most unnecessarily dramatic moment of the episode, Brandi M. shows compassion to Maura, whose brother is in the hospital with a spinal cord injury. Thinking about this makes Maura cry, and somehow Megan turns this into a big deal, bitching about how Brandi M. is a horrible person because she made Maura cry. I've stopped being surprised by her actions, because as far as I'm concerned, Megan's soul cannot get any darker.


Rock of Love Charm School Elimination Time! Destiney's band wins, mostly because of Maura's camel toe. In the aftermath, Brandi M. walks into Megan, Brandi C. and Lacey's room. Megan wants to put a stop to this, berating Brandi M. When she pushes Megan, Megan fights back with a kick to the thigh.

At the elimination ceremony, Sharon says that even though Brandi C. was the losing band manager, she's safe. Megan and Brandi M. get called down, and Megan, Brandi C. and Lacey lie through their teeth to cover up the incident. Heather is in disbelief. Megan says that she no longer wants to be a trophy wife, she wants to be a dentist. If that sounds like a non-sequiter, it's because it was.

While Sharon yells at Megan, Brandi C. tearfully claims that if Megan is eliminated, she's leaving too. In one breath, she undid all the good will I felt for her/

Finally, Megan is expelled because she feels no remorse for anything. She's a vacuous, empty shell of a human being, and while it might just be a character she's playing, it's still offensive. Brandi C. cries and begs to leave, but Sharon tells her to calm the hell down and think about it.

Next week on Rock of Love Charm School: A real-life duchess shows up. What can possibly go wrong?


-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)