Just when you thought you were done with the Rock of Love Bus
, it's reunion show time. Everyone seems to have made it back for the reunion show, including the entirety of the blondtourage and perhaps most excitingly, DJ Lady Tribe. Seeing that this was a season of drama, back-stabbing, shocking decisions, and lots of smack talking, this reunion could definitely be very interesting.
Of course, like most Mindy fans, I'm hoping for a Bret Michaels Bachelor
style switcharoo at the reunion. Be a man and admit you chose the wrong lady Bret! Unlike Jason Mesnick, America will love you for doing so. And, double bonus, you'll end up with a woman you might actually have a chance at a real relationship with. Seriously, think about it Bret Michaels.
As all VH1 Reality Reunion shows are, the Rock of Love Bus Reunion will be hosted by Riki Rachtman. Riki will be serving as tonight's emcee and calling up memorable girls to discuss their time on Rock of Love Bus. I, myself, would prefer that Big John emcee the Reunion and share the tidbits only he knows...maybe it'll happen on Rock of Love Bus Four.
The first girl to be called to the stage is the spiritual, belly-dancing, celibate Constantina. Constanina, of course, is wearing some sort of bejeweled dot where her third eye is located. She also bejewels Bret's third eye, which he doesn't seem to use often, as it is covered by his trademark bandanna. The only reason Riki called Constantina up is to ask about her strange vow of celibacy. When asked if she's still celibate, Constanina says quite to the contrary, she's actually married now. After shimmying off the Rock of Love Bus tour Constantina met a great guy and was married on Christmas Eve by the Naked Cowboy. Now that is one spiritual ceremony. Turns out Constanina isn't the only woman who found love after being rejected by Bret. Two other women were engaged and married after leaving tour and one is already pregnant.
The next girls to be called to the stage are the resident alcoholics of Rock of Love Bus: Marcia, Gia, and DJ Lady Tribe. Dear god, I forgot how much I missed the train wreck of silicone and bad weave that is DJ Lady Tribe. Oh how I wish Bret could have kept you around for just one or two more episodes. When asked about their hard partying on the road, Marcia Brazil says she doesn't regret anything about her drunken ways on Rock of Love Bus. "I was real, I was honest, I was myself, I was true...and I did drink a lot." Riki asks the girls if in all seriousness, any of them realized they had a problem with alcohol after watching themselves on Rock of Love Bus. Gia has completely stopped drinking since Rock of Love Bus and is two months sober. DJ Lady Tribe also went to rehab after her time on the bus and says she is doing well and learned to be sober. Of course, DJ Lady Tribe slurs this...so who knows.
After the tour lushes are led off stage, it's time for the blondtourage to come to the stage. But wait, an extra member has been added to the blondtourage: Melissa. Huh? Melissa may be a peroxide blonde, but she is definitely not part of the blondtourage. Ashley and Farrah, the co-presidents of the blondtourage agree with me, and Melissa is forced off stage when she doesn't know the blondtourage secret handshake. No surprise here, the blondtourage handshake does not involve hands, rather the bumping of boobs and butts. Ashley seems tossed, as usual, but Farrah is for the most part keeping her stuff together. When asked by Riki what the purpose the blondtourage, Ashley answers with her usual strange perfection: "The purpose of the blondtourage. Is what the f*ck is the purpose of Rock of Love Bus without us?" So true Ashley, so true. For a train wreck, you're awfully insightful in your own way.
Bret admits that he and the blondtourage partied pretty good and Ashley says something about her own secret handshake with Bret. Farrah agrees they brought the party to Rock of Love, noting how boring it was after they left. Ashley chimes in with another classic line, "Who wants to see Taya crimp her hair for 8 hours?" Also, so true. Ashley, tonight you are a drunken goddess of reality TV wisdom. Lastly, Riki asks now that Bret is out of the equation, if there's any future of a blondtourage romance. Both Ashley and Farrah seem game for this, though Ashley is also into Brittanya who she calls a "hot bitch." I myself, am hoping for A Double Shot at Love style dating show, with the blondtourage taking the place of the Ikki Twins. It would be hilarious.
Next to the stage is Brittaney Starr and I have the sinking suspicion this is going to be a train wreck in an unenjoyable way. Luckily, Brittaney seems semi-sober and not as insane as she did on the show. She's chatting with Bret and Riki about her short strange time on Rock of Love, when Riki brings up Brittaney's racially charged fight with Natasha. As Brittaney is trying to explain her ill-thought out words away, saying she just meant that she didn't think Natasha was Bret's type; a fight breaks out in the peanut gallery between Natasha and Kelsey. When Natasha stands up and says to Brittaney's comment about not being Bret's type, "of course, I'm his type, look at me." Kelsey screams, "of course you're Bret's type, you do porn." To which Natasha responds, "and I make six figures." Kelsey ups the ante by snottily replying, "Okay, Nathaniel," which sends Natasha over the edge. She comes racing down the steps in her black tutu and goes straight for Mormon girl gone wild, Kelsey. And thus begins the first Rock of Love Reunion physical fight, between two rather unlikely girls. The fight ends with weaves torn out and with Big John carrying Kelsey off stage, again. After the commercial break, the brawlers have been kicked out of the reunion. It looks like after the whole Sharon Osbourne vs. Meghan Hausserman assault law suit, VH1 isn't taking any chances.
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--Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of VH1)