On last week's Rock of Love Bus
, the blondtourage was killed when Bret eliminated Farrah, leaving Ashley the only blonde standing. We begin this week's rock'n'roll disaster with Ashley realizing that Farrah has been eliminated and that she is left with a bus full of brunettes. Needless to say, Ashely is not pleased. When Penthouse Pet Taya walks in instead of her BFF Farrah, Ashley says: "I see Taya and I want to die. I don't even know what I am going to do with myself." It's kind of sweet that Ashley is so upset about her BFF leaving, but it makes me wonder if she'd ever feel so upset about something Bret-related--I think no.
For this week's adventure, the girls are heading to St. Augustine, Florida the oldest city in the United States. Unfortunately for the girls, it's not just the town they are staying in that's going to be a blast from the past: their exes and a couple of Bret's will be joining them for this episode. Everyone is rightly nervous about their exes showing up, except for Beverly who is super excited to see anyone she knows and cares about. Since this is a reality TV show, we know this means that no one will be showing up for Beverly, or the editors wouldn't have found that tid-bit interesting enough to include. Hide the booze folks -- this could get nasty!
The first blast from the past we're introduced to is Amber Lake, the winner of Rock of Love 2
and Bret's ex-girlfriend. Something looks different about Amber since we last saw her on Rock of Love: too much plastic surgery? Bad extensions? Life on the road with Bret? All of the above? Amber says she and Bret dated for 10 months after Rock of Love
ended and that she is here to help Bret hopefully find love that lasts. Most of the girls are excited to see Amber, but none of them are pleased when Bret introduces his other ex: Heather from season one of Rock of Love
. You can't really blame the girls for not being thrilled to see Heather, last year she got into a huge hullabaloo with Daisy which turned physical. While no one is excited to see Heather, save Bret, Brittanya is the least excited for her appearance. Brittanya is positive she is going to brawl with Heather and Heather seems to have similar feelings towards the new crop of girls--she hasn't said a word to them and she's already calling them phonies and bitches.
For one glorious moment, the girls think that Bret's exes are the only blasts from the past making an appearance, but that calm is quickly shattered by the appearance of their exes. As Bret so poetically says, "exes are like a living sex tape, you never know when they are going to surface." (Oh God, please say there isn't a Bret Michaels sex tape floating around out there.) And her comes the parade of exes! Mindy's ex-boyfriend Chris has shown up, which makes Mindy nervous because she describes the relationship as one of her lone "negative relationships." Next up is Taya's ex, Jaz, who seems to have some serious anger issues. Jazsays Taya is the only one of his exes he doesn't dream about strangling. Then there is Ashley's heavily tattooed ex, James--and now we know who Ashley's "James" boob tattoo is for. Both Ashley and James seem a little too excited to see each other, James is sneaking secret smiles at Ashley and Ashley says "I haven't seen my ex for awhile, but when I did see him I was like damn Baby." This cannot bode well for Bret, because he and James couldn't be more opposite.
Next up is Brittanya's ex, Royal T. who Brittanya claims wasn't an ex, but a booty call. While Royal T. doesn't deny this categorization of booty call over boyfriend, he also claims that he and Brittanya are still sleeping with each other. Jamie is thrilled that it's a friend, rather than her ex husband who showed up, but is a little worried because her friend has a lot of dirt on her. And then there's Beverly, poor aggro Beverly. No one has come for Beverly, her ex refused to participate, which of course makes Beverly very very angry. Beverly can't believe her ex husband and father of her children wouldn't come on a reality TV show to help her find love, which to me, doesn't actually sound that strange. He does have full custody of their three children after all and probably plenty of other reasons to not come and help his ex-wife hook up with Bret Michaels.
Amber and Heather start chatting up the exes and the secrets start spilling instantly. Chris says that he believes Mindy cheated on him, but never got confirmation. Royal T. is talking about how much of a freak his booty call Brittanya is and how lucky Bret is if he is screwing Brittanya. You can tell that Heather is making detailed mental notes of what Royal T. is saying and can't wait to confront Brittanya, which will happen soon enough. Taya's ex, Jaz, seems to be a perfect match for Taya--he loves talking about himself, name drops like it's going out of style, and is, in general, intolerably annoying. Jamie's friend, Hamboussi, says that Jamie was a groupie of his band--which freaks out Heather and Amber. Heather worries that if Bret retires Jamie will leave Bret and Hamboussi does nothing to quiet Heather's worry. Last but not least is James, Ashley's ex and current roommate. What is this a repeat of Daisy and her ex (Charles) from last year?!? Another secret ex roommate? Can you ladies please have your ex boyfriends move out of your house before you come on a reality dating show?! James says he and Ashley aren't dating but they still sleep together and he is confident that now he's shown up that Ashley will have zero interest in Bret. James is confident that Ashley and Bret haven't been sleeping together and that "now that I've come, she won't be fighting for Bret."
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--Abbey Simmons, BuddyTV Staff Writer
(Image Courtesy of Vh1)
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