Rock of Love 2: Season Premiere Recap
John Kubicek
John Kubicek
Senior Writer, BuddyTV
About three months ago, Jes dumped Bret Michaels on the Rock of Love  reunion show.  The Poison frontman is wasting no time getting back on the horse, as it were, and now he has 20 more women gunning for what's in his pants.  It's Rock of Love 2, so let the shame and degradation begin!

This time, Bret rolls up to the mansion in a nice sports car, as opposed to the motorcycle last time.  Once again, Bret promises to find a babe he can love as much as he loves "the bitch goddess, rock 'n' roll."  Thankfully, Big John is still around, bringing beer into the mansion using a wheelbarrow.  If that doesn't clue you into the classiness-level of this show, nothing will.

We get a brief rundown of some of the babes.  There's a tranny-looking chick named Peyton, a  Russian who wants to have the sex with Bret, and a bisexual named Destiney who promises to make out with some other chicks in the house.  When Bret arrives, the girls freak the hell out.  Bret promises to focus more on the "love" than the "like" and "lust."  The only way he knows to find true love is to get into the mansion, get naked, and have fun.

Right away, Bret randomly points to four skanks to hang back as everyone else walks into the mansion, where alcohol is immediately opened.  The four ladies outside (Daisy, Erin, Megan and Destiney) are given VIP passes, so they get a special party room in the mansion, and they also get some alone time with Bret.  One of the other ladies is instantly upset that she's not a Very Important Person.  With this much bleached hair, it's hard for me to keep track of who all these gals are.

The stripper pole is immediately used.  Bisexual Destiney loves it, but Angelique is very awkward and somehow ruins stripping forever.  Next up, Bret takes photos of the girls, as he did the first time.  They're all equally slutty.  Angelique steps it up, showing off her breasts, which have been done twice already.  The producers have decided to do this stupid thing where everything she says is subtitled with mock French words ("Bret iz sexy").  Inna is bootylicious, Courtney is shy and awkward, then there's a run of sloppy makeout sessions with Bret.  Aubry goes first, then VIP Megan, and finally Kristy Joe, who is a bit of a germaphobe, so she's not too keen on putting her lips where others have just been.  She's in trouble, because the Rock of Love mansion is just a giant Petri dish for germs.

After the photos, Bret gets alone time with the four VIPs, then he chills with all the girls, then he eliminates some people.  Megan enjoys her time and promises to write "Me and him forever" all over her notebooks.  Destiney is next and wants to rub her hands all over him.  She also made him a special bandanna and is a bit of a psychotic Bret fan, though she claims she isn't.  Basically, Bret spends this whole time thinking about his raging boner.  Daisy sees fireworks when she makes out with Bret.

Inna, drunk in the pool, refuses to wait her turn, so she runs over and hugs Bret.  Big John bumps her out as Erin shows up, and she's one of those wannabe musicians who talks about how much she loves MySpace, which taught her about world events and HTML code.  Bret is obviously bored, because she's using her tongue to talk instead of shoving it down his throat.

After the alone time, Bret wanders into the pool party where nearly every girl sits on his lap at one time.  He gets taken away by Catherine, who is 45-years-old with twin 16-year-old sons.  Yikes, is she an Age of Love reject?  During that speech, Frenchie Angelique steals him away.  The entire time is a battle for Bret's time between the overly slutty bimbos who throw themselves at him and the reserved, decent human begins who sit back and wait for some time to talk to him.

is kind of plain and dull, while Niki is all about sex, so Bret loves her.  Courtney is wasted as all hell, and when Kristy Joe gets some alone time, Bret has to use the rest room.  Before he can get back, he gets distracted by Jackye on the pole.  During this time, Kristy Joe and some other sad chick are left talking about horses and whether they ride bareback.  Jessica, eager to make herself known, shoves her tongue down his throat.  The girls prepare for elimination, but Courtney is too drunk, so she stays in bed during the ceremony.

Rock of Love 2 Elimination Time!  Megan, Daisy and Destiney get the first three passes, and the fourth VIP girl, Erin, looks a bit worried because she's not the fourth person.  A bunch of other ladies get passes, including Angelique, because Bret had a spiritual moment with her as she was the first woman to take her top off this season.  Jackye gets the final pass, but she's scared and nervous about the whole experience, and she says she doesn't want to be there.  What the hell?  She volunteers to leave, and so she's gone.

Ambre gets the extra pass, though she's way too happy about it, seeing as how it means he didn't actually want her in the first place.  The other four ladies going home are Ashley, Missi (who?), VIP Erin and drunk, passed out Courtney.  Bret doesn't want to wake Courtney up, so she's allowed to sleep it off, and in the morning, Bret asks the other girls to tell her she's been eliminated.  Classy.

This season on Rock of Love 2: roller derby, pig wrestling, the returns of Heather and Lacey, and the 2nd Annual Bret Michaels Mud Bowl.

-John Kubicek, BuddyTV Senior Writer
(Image courtesy of VH1)