That is my one word response to the series finale of Revolution
. I thought long and hard about how to open this recap of the final episode, entitled "Declaration of Independence," but the only thing I'm happy to declare my independence from is this show.
That's not to say there aren't positive aspects worth mentioning, because there are. Many of the characters are likable. There is lots of action. I faithfully watched the entire season and would have even if I weren't writing these articles.
But I don't think I have ever been so disappointed by such a promising premise going so far astray. There are no real memorable moments here. No satisfying payoff. No true emotional connections. Heck, the most important character who dies in the finale of one of the most violent shows in the history of primetime television is the dude from New Vegas whose name I don't even know. The final deaths? A bunch of scummy Patriots.
Even with 15 minutes left, I found myself wondering how they had time to wrap it all up, and the answer was simple. They didn't. The gang stops the Texas-California war and saves Willoughby, starting another war in the process. And they accomplish this via one of my least favorite methods of exposing someone's true nature ... They Sterling'd us.
And don't get me started on the nano deciding to take over the world. Sigh ... Here's your recap of events.
Priscilla, Queen of the Nanites
Aaron and Priscilla's naughty offspring are the bookends of the episode and play absolutely no part in the middle, but things kick off with her waking up from her nano-induced stupor after Rachel's electrocution attempt. During the few seconds nano-Priscilla is down, Matrix-ed Priscilla sees horrible lightning outside her pretend house before her daughters faces melt away.
The now pissed-off nanites attempt to kill Rachel and Aaron, who notices weakness and pleads for his ex-wife to come back. She does, then faints. I initially think she's the first memorable death in a show that has absolutely nothing to lose and should have planned something epic, but I am wrong. She is going to be fine.
Ketchup or Mustard Gas on Your Holiday Hot Dog?
US President Jack Davis is still planning to gas the entire town of Willoughby (while children sing patriotic songs) in order to kill the Texans and incite a war with California, but Miles, Monroe and Co. show up and spoil the party. They thwart the release of the chemical weapons and flee to a safehouse, but their efforts are in vain.
With Truman and both presidents hiding out at an evacuation point, Truman opens fire on everyone. He kills President Bill Carver and everyone else but Davis, then they shoot themselves in the arms and blame the entire attack on Miles, Monroe and their Cali cohorts. Texas promptly declares war on California, and Truman is sent to the front lines to assist.
But that's not cool with our heroes, because with Texas and California demolishing each other, the Pats can sweep up the leftovers and take over the whole country. It works for Connor, Tom and New Vegas dude, though, who see the war and their plot to kill Davis as a way to weaken everyone and allow the Monroe Republic to rebuild.
Bromance Saves the World
Miles hatches a plan to stop the war, splitting the group in two to make it happen. Aaron, you're basically worthless, so you stay here at home with your equally useless ex-wife.
Miles, Monroe, Rachel and Charlie kidnap the president, leaving a trail of bodies in their wake, while Gene, Joe, Joe's chick friend and some other people loyal to the cause head off to Austin to meet with the old ex-president general who got stabbed by his cadet hooker a few weeks back. It's their job to convince him that the Pats are not allies, but instead are behind Carver's death and the war.
While the abduction goes off without a hitch, the getaway does not. The four kidnappers are quickly overtaken by a regimen of Pats, which they easily escape by killing everyone on horseback before fleeing. But first, Miles tells Monroe to get Davis out of the crossfire and to meet at the rendezvous point. Which is putting a lot of trust in a guy who seemed ready to kill you not 48 hours prior. But they just can't quit each other.
Why Michael Clayton Didn't Win Best Picture
While Monroe debates the value of bestie-ship vs. vengeance and frugality, he runs into Connor, who confesses that Tom and Vegas are ready to open fire but agreed to give five minutes for a father-son chat. All it will take to get everyone on the same page is the murder of the president of the United States, but Monroe gave his word and can't do it.
Connor's betrayed heart leads to a gunfight, and Monroe takes out Vegas before running into a little shed-type structure. He exits the other side, locks Tom and Connor in and then heads to the safehouse with Davis. Charlie and Rachel, who thought trusting Bass was the world's worst decision, are instead impressed and offer thanks. Even though he killed their son/brother and father.
While Rachel talks smack to the president about how he's, like, totes the worst thing about 'murica, a battalion of Pats storm the building and free Davis. With guns pointed, Davis says he'll do whatever the F he wants, even if that's starting a war between Texas and California, because people are stupid and will follow anyone who makes them feel safe.
Only these soldiers aren't Pats, they're Texas Rangers. They train their weapons on Davis, and Gene, Joe and old general dude emerge from the shadows and pat themselves on the back.
Bromance Begets War Begets Loooove
In light of the eavesdropped conversation, Texas instead declares war on the US, who they outnumber four-to-one. Miles speculates it'll all be over by the end of the summer. But then what?
As the Texans follow orders to kill every Pat they see, starting with Monroe and some Rangers shooting all the Patriot war strategists (Patriot: "What is this?" Monroe: "I'd say it's the end of a treaty."), Miles sits down for a heart-to-heart with Charlie. She says after this is all over, she's totally cool with Miles being both her uncle and her dad. She lost out on her chance with Jason when she put a bullet in his chest, but if there's love there, Miles and Rachel would be stupid not to give it a shot.
The Nano Chooses Love ... of World Domination
Priscilla finally awakens from her slumber with the Independence Day (film)-like news that she was able to see the nanites' thoughts as they left her body. The vision was of millions of mindless humans swarming like the rats in nano-Priscilla's rat room. They want to control the world and need to find other people to assist them, and it all starts with "the grinning man."
Fireflies then take the appearance of Jason, Marion and Davis' dad and appear to Tom, Truman and Davis, respectively. The three are ordered to travel to Bradbury, Idaho, where all their questions will be answered. Connor is still trying to bust them out of the shed, and he just watches confused as Neville talks to empty air.
I first thought Davis would never be able to escape his captivity and frankly was surprised he was still alive, but I guess he'd be capable of pretty much anything with the nano's help. Revolution closes with a shot of the lights coming on in Bradbury, starting with the illumination of a giant neon clown face on a sign above a diner or desert shop-type place. Then hundreds of folks wander aimlessly into town.
Dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn. Meh.
That Was It?
So that's how it all went down. The entire point of the season was apparently to stop the Patriots from starting a war between Texas and California, and that mission was a success. But in the end, it doesn't matter, because it's all about the self-aware machine ripoff. And now we'll never know. Which is really kind of okay. Sad, but okay.
Were you satisfied with how it all played out, or did the finale leave you wanting? Did you think anyone important was going to bite the big one? And what are your thoughts on Miles and Rachel finally beginning to casually date? Lastly, do you, like me, think set-up conversations that are actually being overheard by the people you wouldn't want to hear them are a cheap climax?
That's all she wrote, folks. Looks like two seasons was one too many.
You can watch Revolution never again every Wednesday at 8pm on NBC.
(Imagea courtesy of NBC)