If you're wondering what a post-sex tryst between the Hamptons' hottest billionaire and Victoria Grayson's illegitimate son looks like, let me just give you an idea: it involves an array of empty wine bottles scattered around a million dollar mansion and bedside lamps that probably cost more than my car knocked to the floor in a fit of passion. But we can't be that surprised. Sexy sex between Patrick and Nolan is sexy.
The only one not happy about a Nolan/Patrick hook-up is Emily, of course. Miss Debbie Downer is worried that the Rosbourne love affair is going to get in the way of her plans to take down the Graysons. She's not going to let her love and passion get in the way of her revenge, so she certainly doesn't want Nolan's to get in the way, either. Worst best friend ever.
But when Nolan tries to break it off with Patrick, Patrick refuses to let him. He says that neither of the ladies in their lives should get a vote. Then they make out again. And the peasants rejoice. Breakfast with the Graysons
All of the Graysons (and Patrick) are summoned to a family breakfast at the house where Conrad tells them that he has sold Grayson Manor. Victoria is ridiculously peeved and that seems to make Conrad even happier. Emily is also distraught, and offers to buy the house, but Conrad tells them the deal is already done.
Well, Emily can't have the object of her revenge schemes moving out. So she fakes some foundation damage to her house to put on a display for the realtor. She basically tells her that the house is slowly sinking into the sea.
Also, while she is busy planning this foundation mess, she tells Daniel to stay in the penthouse for a couple of months so she can have some rough sex with Aiden while he's away. Real nice, Emily. Ugh, she is getting worse and worse with every season. At this point, Victoria may have more redeeming qualities than she does.
But of course, Emily's plan works. The realtor gets the planted files she needs to see that prove Grayson Manor is unsellable. Victoria is thrilled, but not because she plans to stay in Grayson Manor. She tells Conrad she's gathering her things and leaving. He says to expect an ugly divorce, but this time she's not scared because now he doesn't have a fortune to keep from her.
To ensure that Victoria stays in town, Emily and Aiden come up with a plan to show her a vault full of "gold bars" that Aiden says is the Grayson fortune. Their plan works, and Victoria says she will fight Conrad tooth and nail to get everything she deserves in a divorce.
Ghost of Girlfriends Past
Charlotte convinces Daniel to give her some business advice about how she can help improve business at the Stowaway. Because your brother the magazine editor is the one to ask, not your billionaire father.
Anyway, she sends Daniel into a bakery to pick up a cake and, lo-and-behold, there's his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, that he nearly killed in a drunk driving accident. And she is not happy. She goes bananas on Daniel, blaming him for not taking any financial responsibility for the accident. Daniel is clearly taken aback. What a surprising coincidence that Charlotte definitely did not plan.
Oh, wait. Of course, she planned it. Because apparently, now that she has bangs, she's just as evil as her mother. Her next step is to call the bakery to complain about Sarah's behavior to get her fired, only to swoop in to rescue and offer a new job at the Stowaway. Maybe Emily could take a few pointers from Charlotte on how to exact revenge, even though I'm not really sure why it's Charlotte's new goal in life to break up Daniel and Emily.
Jack and Sarah have a moment at the Stowaway party where they reminisce about baseball and old times before he nearly paralyzed her with his negligence. Charlotte looks on through the window and laughs maniacally.
Hit the Road, Patrick
Man, do things get complicated with the Patrick situation, but I'll try to translate. First, Charlotte admits to Jack that she took the fall for trying to kill Conrad. Jack worries that this will put Charlotte in danger if Patrick wants to make sure that information never goes public.
Nolan admits to Jack that he's known all along that Emily is really Amanda Clarke. At first, Jack is not happy, but they end up hugging it out. But Jack tells Nolan he understands how he may feel about Patrick, but he has to ensure Charlotte's safety. Nolan knows what this means, but he elects not to say goodbye to Patrick because it's just too painful.
So Jack tells Conrad that it was Patrick, not Charlotte, who tried to kill him. He gave him the information in exchange for his word that no one would get hurt and that the two of them would be at a cease fire.
Conrad tells Victoria that he found out that Patrick tried to kill him, so he is having his associates "take care" of him. But Patrick manages to slip out the back so he meets Victoria where she gives him some cash and tells him to go meet a friend of hers. Patrick doesn't want to leave her, but Victoria fears for his safety and demands that he "obey his mother."
Emily goes to Nolan and Jack, who are both knowingly a part of the Revenge Club now, to apologize to them. She also wants to let them in on her plans for the future. She says that once she's completed her plan, she's going to have to disappear and never come back.
But more important, she wants to let them know exactly what her plan is. And that's about how on August 8 (the day of her wedding), Victoria Grayson will go down for the murder of Emily Thorne.
airs Sundays at 9pm on ABC.
(Image courtesy of ABC)