Have you been watching Dance Moms
on Lifetime? Have you?
If you have, I'm sure you understand my disbelief -- not that you're watching it, but that the show and the people on it are actually real
Sometimes Dance Moms
-- which follows demanding dance coach Abby Lee Miller, her tiny, flexible proteges and their preening, paranoid Midwestern mothers as they travel the country, putting on group and individual competitive dance numbers, each somehow more ridiculous than the last -- feels like Christopher Guest and Tim & Eric got collectively inspired by screaming and spandex and decided to make a show about it. But no. Dance Moms
is not a mockumentary, nor is it a nightmare. It's real. And a real treat I'm going to miss after the season finale airs this Wednesday. But at least we know it's coming back.
Anyone who watches Dance Moms
knows that Abby Lee is a busy woman, and she hates anything that wastes her time. But we were able to get three questions in with Ms. Abby Lee as we anxiously await the finale, "There's Only One Star," of which you can also watch a sneek peek below.
How would you describe Cathy from Candy Apple's Dance Center to someone who had never met her (or an alien)?
"Sticky sweet and very crabby. Like a crab-apple."
What's the best way to get on your good side?
"Follow the rules and respect your elders!"
Did the judges' comments on the score cards give any indication as to why the girls didn't place with "Electricity"? Was it the costumes?
"On the scoring? No, They just scored them low. On the comments, yes they didn't like the costumes. But I feel bothered by that because two of the children in that group were the overall high scorers. Chloe won, you didn't see it on TV, but she actually won her whole division, the 9-11 division. Maddie won her division, the 8 and under division. So how do you take two of the top dancers in the entire competition, put them together with other good dancers, and not at least place?"
We don't know, Abby. We don't know!
But just a shot in the dark: Maybe it was the butt-slapping and/or stripper splits?
The failure of the "Electricity" number
is not the last mind-boggling thing that will happen before this life-changing first season of Dance Moms
comes to a close. Check out this sneak peek of Wednesday's finale, which throws a REAL HOLLYWOOD MUSIC VIDEO AUDITION into the already insanely competitive dance studio. It's like dangling a delicious corpse made of fame and glory in front of those rabid Dance Moms:
"There's Only One Star" airs this Wednesday at 10pm on Lifetime.
Lifetime also encourages you to follow the #dancemoms
twitter stream during the finale, as the dance moms along AND Abby Lee Miller will be live tweeting through the show. (Image courtesy of Lifetime)