'Reign' Recap: Who's Bashing Bash Anyway?
'Reign' Recap: Who's Bashing Bash Anyway?
Emily E. Steck
Emily E. Steck
Contributing Writer, BuddyTV
On tonight's episode of Reign, Mary believes Catherine tried to have Bash assassinated and learns some of his secrets, the ladies in waiting get a subplot, Catherine is unusually cranky, and I contemplate the meaning of life in the opening credits. Again.

Something I completely forgot to mention last week: I love the beginning introduction. It's crazy beautiful and crazy like this show. That girl who flips her hair? Who is she? Why is she flipping her hair? The random rose and blood imagery I get, but I just want to know things. Like, why can't Mary be flipping her hair back and forth. Brunettes can have fun too. 

My thoughts on this episode are rather good. I enjoyed the Francis break (but he needs to come back) and liked the Bash and Mary pairing until the end. Also, the ladies in waiting were completely useless until now. And Catherine was bitchy and cranky as per usual. It was a good time, a solid episode, but nothing too special. 

Bash, Behave

Moving on: this episode is clearly trying to train Bash on how to behave royally. The way I see it, the more focus on Bash the better! The opening scene is very tense. Heavy breathing, intimate moments. Bash and a King Henry look-alike are double fisting their swords at one another. That's right: Bash and Alec, his new bodyguard, are dueling. Around the bedroom. I wonder who will take their night shirt off first.

Mary, too, is perplexed, but she has another agenda. Mainly, cheerleading for Bash to embrace his role as potential future king. Adelaide Kane is very convincing, as always, as Mary, but I'm particularly struck at how determined she acts as Mary here. I guess she really wants all this to work out, even if history says otherwise. 

And on the first list of royal duties? Listen to a bunch of townspeople moan and complain about peasant problems. Bash utterly bored is one of my new favorite things. He is not a diplomat or a ruler or even a mediator. In fact, had Bash been free of the ball and chain a little longer, we'd probably see him help the conflict. 

Alas, Bash must pass judgment over some pretty silly things. But he is suddenly jerked to attention by this girl who has the same beautiful eyes as Bash. Are they not identical in his eyes' beauty? It freaks me out because she is preggers and I am not prepared for an incest storyline or some baby mama drama. Don't do it, show! Bash does an awful job of pretending like he doesn't know the girl, and he finds her guilty of theft. He would almost be getting the hang of this if it weren't for the next subject, whose biggest tell was calling Bash a bastard. And the knife in her dress. One assassination attempt later and it's time for some accusations.

Who's Killing Who Anyway?

Let me tell you a pet peeve of mine about this show. Mary does a lot of footwork for a Queen, a lot of opening doors. I mean, people literally dress her, I doubt she's going to open a door by herself, but every other episode she practically kicks down the door. She needs a wingwoman, one who can bust open doors for her. So imagine my surprise when a knight opened (sort of). This marks the beginning of historical accuracy folks! Just kidding, rant over.

Anyway, Mary marches into Catherine's locked quarters, fabulous as ever. We're just one minute away from the knight hanging some fruit above her mouth as she threatens to poison his wine. Mary accuses Catherine of the assassination attempt on Bash's life and Catherine, to her credit, feigns hurt at being accused and claims innocence. HAH! Come on, she totes tried to kill him. Mary orders everyone to scatter and keep the Queen very much locked up. Cause guess what? There's a new queen in town. 

Bash's eye soulmate is named Isabel, a pregnant teen. Luckily, my nightmare is not true and they are actually related. Short story: Isabel's father is Bash's traitorous half-uncle. If France knew of their relation, Bash could never be king. He could also not be accepted as king because he is not legitimate, but Henry's gone this episode to make that dream a reality. 

Mary dresses Isabel up and notices the girl is so preggers the baby will come at any moment. Mary's suddenly playing a reverse guilt card, somehow convincing everyone that she should take the blame for everything that is going wrong. And that, Mary should leave for many reasons. It's not safe, it's all her fault. Meet Mary Queen of Scots, broken record. I just want Mary to stand by being amazing and let live and let others die.

The Pagans Are Back!

Mary, "Do you really think royals are so different from ordinary people?" What, Mary? Yes. Royals are very different than commoners. But, this is all a prelude so the show can get down to the Mary+Bash fans. What is their shipper name? 

The blood cult Pagans are back! YAY. Bring the crazy Reign. They circle the tent, chanting, as the peeps' chant prays back at them. A horse is slaughtered, Pagan-style, not Godfather, and Mary is outraged at them. She concludes that everyone in the tent are heretics/Pagans. 
Mary is pissed at Bash. Bash claims that his family are Pagans, but he and his mother are Catholics. I don't believe it, not at all. Bash is totes involved in nefarious plots, but before Mary can call bull, she's called away to deliver a baby.

And she probably is completely progressive now, tolerant of the Pagans because of the beautiful baby. But luckily, she's just impressed by Bash's devotion to his family. Of course, this is further exemplified by Isabel's death from childbirth, probably. It's sad. The baby is an orphan now! And easily distinguished by a mark on her foot because Pagans do this. What a cruel show!

Bash and Mary say adios to Isabel, creating some kind of blood bond over the grave. Bash promises that he is not Francis: he will be loyal to Mary, not to France if they are wed. And then, in the heat of the moment at his dead cousin's funeral, they proceed to makeout. How sweetly gross.

The Ladies In Waiting Get A Subplot!

Mary delegates her ladies in waiting to be in charge of Catherine. This is hilarious because the ladies, whose names I must look up on IMDB, literally have no other use. Cut to Catherine, screaming a hissy-fit for a chamber pot and some servants, otherwise she will get creative. Her words, not mine. It seems Catherine is plotting with Lord Hugo, some dude who doesn't want his power and line of succession in jeopardy. 

And the ladies in waiting try and stop Catherine. Catherine quickly deduces the basic traits of the ladies: beautiful (Kenna), unlucky (Greer), and strong (Lola). I'm just glad Catherine clarified that for us viewers. And the best part? Catherine is going to get in all of their heads.

"Where are you going? I'm not done abusing you." Catherine, stay gold. Forever. As Kenna babysits and takes Catherine's bull, Kenna comes up with a brilliant plan: forge the girl's signature! Gathering Greer, who is good at forging, and Lola, who is just plain bitter, write letters and tell Catherine off for being awful. 

Things I Want To Come Back:

Yo, how much do you love Greer and kitchen boy? Cause I'm in love and I'm heartbroken that it's been two weeks back and no romance. It's sad when I'm more invested in the romance between secondary and tertiary characters because they give better eye sex to one another. I'm a shallow shipper, I know.

I miss Henry's stupid baldness.

Francis! Where is your floppy hair and undeveloped chest hair?! Come back into the fold!

Where's Nostradamus and the crazy lady? 

Anyway, how was tonight's episode? My recap? Do you enjoy Bash and Mary? The chemistry is getting better, but suddenly. Sound off in the comments below!

 Reign airs Thursdays at 9pm on The CW. 
(Image courtesy of the CW)