Well, that was disappointing.
After all of the hype from Dancing with the Stars about how we were going to see "real" stars this season -- not just the standard assortment of has-beens, mid-famous sports people and reality trash -- we got... An assortment of has-beens, mid-famous sports people and reality trash. Oh well.
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Granted, there are some DWTS
names that are a little interesting. Chaz Bono certainly brings in the gawker audience. Nancy Grace brings in the Casey Anthony haters (but simultaneously turns away the many people who really don't want to watch Nancy Grace do anything). Elisabetta Canalis brings in the tabloid-curious who want dirt on George Clooney.
But you'd be hard-pressed to argue that any of these people are true stars in the sense of the high-quality celebrities Dancing with the Stars
professed to want.
Don't believe me? Here's a ranking of the season 13 DWTS
celebrities, in order of least fame to most:
- Hope Solo: Yes, women's soccer has been big lately. But most of us don't know the players' names. Hope Solo seems like a lovely young woman, she isn't exactly a household name.
- Elisabetta Canalis: Other than being George Clooney's girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis is almost entirely unknown. Although being George Clooney's girlfriend counts for a bit.
- J.R. Martinez: If you didn't watch All My Children (RIP) or have interactions with veterans' groups, it's pretty unlikely that the name of J.R. Martinez meant anything to you.
- Kristin Cavallari: Maybe at one time, this Hills princess was almost someone. But this isn't that time.
- Rob Kardashian: The Kardashian name can take you far. But, seriously, how many people, when hearing the name of Rob Kardashian, responded with "There's a boy???"
- Chynna Phillips: In 1990, Chynna Phillips might have topped this list. But it's 2011. Now, Chynna Phillips is a faded pop star and only the second-most interesting child of rock icons.
- Carson Kressley: Queer Eye has been off the air for awhile now, but Carson Kressley has managed to keep himself mildly relevant -- he has a current show!
- Ron Artest: Otherwise known as Metta World Peace, Ron Artest is a champion NBA player with a history of fighting and nuttiness. People know his name, even if they don't know much else.
- Chaz Bono: The only child of Sonny and Cher was always going to be a known entity. With the sex-change operation, LGBT activism and an Emmy-winning documentary, Chaz Bono is a familiar name to many.
- Ricki Lake: She disappeared in recent years, but Ricki Lake was once huge. From starring in Hairspray to hosting one of the biggest daytime talk shows, people learned that name. Lake is a bit of a has-been, but at least she's a known one.
- Nancy Grace: Nancy Grace existed before the Casey Anthony trial (watch back episodes of The Soup if you don't believe this). But this is definitely her moment.
- David Arquette: Thanks to his reasonably-notable movie roles and his now-defunct marriage to Courtney Cox, people know David Arquette. But mostly he's tabloid fodder these days.
No, Dancing with the Stars
did not succeed in upping their star factor for season 13. But really, did we expect anything else?
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. (Image courtesy of ABC)